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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

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absger
Newbie

Reged: 01/13/13
Posts: 8
Various "Low-Risk" encounters, equals moderate risk?
      #270129 - 01/13/13 03:32 AM

Dear members,

I really don't know what to do anymore, so I really rely on you guy's for now. As long as I remember I have this fear of HIV, and other illnesses, but HIV in particular.

I waited 10 years, 10 years in total anxiety until i got my first test done (last year). Both (quick and blop) were negative. I felt like i was "reborn". I had to do those tests, because I was taking a job in a country where this kind of testing is mandatory, each year.

So here is the problem. I have to take those tests again, in 4 months. I can't think of anything else, because if i turn out to be positive i will loose my job and get deported. My current life is perfect, i have a great job, wonderful friends, a good salary - yet this thought of loosing all of this makes me go crazy. Really crazy. I stopped going out, meeting with people, I lost weight, i stopped eating healthy which resulted in 3 flue-like illnesses in the last 2 months. I am starting to think what I will do with my life and the things i think of aren't very nice - I would go totally insane and do something stupid.

All my life, all I wanted was meet somebody, love her and have a family. If this suddenly becomes impossible I won't have real reason to life anymore. And of course the shame afterwards, if you tell somebody you're positive.

All those thoughts and fears affect my life very seriously, my job is suffering, people ask me what's going on with me - I am in this constant depression. I am about to ruin my life, and I don't know how to stop it. I am seeing references to HIV everywhere, movies, songs - things that have nothing to do with it.

I made the big mistake of having sex with 5 girls, 3 of them were girls i met the same night and we had sex. I am paranoid about protection, so I always used a condom for the intercourse, but we had unprotected oral sex (both ways), on some occasions my penis touched the vagina of two girls (unprotected) and there is this one moment where on of the girls "sat down" on me after giving me oral sex, where I again didn't had a condom on. I'm not sure if I was inside her because everything was so wet, but I am almost sure I wasn't. That moment lasted for 1-2 seconds, then I pushed her away and put a condom on. I am circumcised.

I read everything, everywhere, I even looked up all those HIV "denier" groups, really - I spend months on researching the subject, possible virus transmission scenarios and so on. Right now, I don't know what to think. I know that in my case "the risk is very very low", yet different people say different things. It makes me crazy.

My biggest fear is a false-positive result based on my psychological condition, because this condition is really tackling my immune system all the time. We all heard of those stories where people "suddenly got ill, or cured" because of the way they think - I know it sounds crazy, but there are many cases. Something else I am thinking of is the quality of the condoms, I am in Asia. Everything is made locally.

I am currently lying with fever in my bed, and I really need someone to talk to, or at least someone to help me get out of this condition. I don't have people here that I can talk to about those things. I can't do a test in a hospital, because there are no anonymous tests here, and a positive test will mean that i have to leave the country within 10 days. I can get a quick-test and do it privately, but a positive result, wherever its true or false will "kill me".

Whoever answers, please take this topic seriously. I know that all you doctors are tired of answering all those questions again and again, yet right now i really need your help.









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crabmanModerator
Moderator

Reged: 03/10/11
Posts: 1165
Re: Various "Low-Risk" encounters, equals moderate risk? new
      #270132 - 01/13/13 07:34 AM

Posters in this section don't claim to be doctors.

It's highly unlikely that you have HIV. Receiving oral sex has never been confirmed as a cause of transmission. Protected sex is just that.

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riverprincessModerator
Moderator

Reged: 12/25/11
Posts: 1788
Loc: Jersey Shore
Re: Various "Low-Risk" encounters, equals moderate risk? new
      #270137 - 01/13/13 10:03 AM

It's not a possible Hiv exposure thats ruining your life but your obcessing over it all. Get up out of bed, It's a New Year , make the most out of each day. And next time you find yourself in a " situation " remember all that you have to lose. Right now you've lost nothing unless you want to continue to obcess over something that isn't. Soooo come on , take a shower and move on.

--------------------
Look up to the Heavens for the answers to Lifes questions .

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absger
Newbie

Reged: 01/13/13
Posts: 8
Re: Various "Low-Risk" encounters, equals moderate risk? new
      #270162 - 01/14/13 09:54 AM

I really try, but trust me it's difficult. My whole situation is a bit difficult. Foreign country, no family or friends here that can support me, no anonymous tests, even no psychological support IF something goes "wrong". How am I supposed to manage that fear.

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riverprincessModerator
Moderator

Reged: 12/25/11
Posts: 1788
Loc: Jersey Shore
Re: Various "Low-Risk" encounters, equals moderate risk? new
      #270197 - 01/15/13 02:55 PM

Then the only way to manage fear is to let it go, give it to a higher power, whatever that may be to you and stop claiming. Your the one holding it in your tight grip. Stick you hand in a drawer , open your fist then pull hand out quick and slam drawer shut. I know this exercise sounds silly but hey what do you got to lose. It's in your hands may friend.


--------------------
Look up to the Heavens for the answers to Lifes questions .

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