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moomoo
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Reged: 12/06/12
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PLEASE READ THIS IF YOU ARE SCARED OF GETTING TESTED!
#269485 - 12/06/12 11:24 PM
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Hi everyone. I am assuming that if you are reading this you are nervous that you have been infected with HIV. I know your pain all too well. For the last ten years, I have been convinced that I was HIV positive. Today I finally got the guts to face the inevitbale truth and I got tested. To my absolute shock, I am negative. My risk was real. I was with a boyfriend for five years that was an IVDU, and cheated on me with all sorts of women. I developed a horrible flu during our time together that I was convinced was ARS. I get recurrent yeast infections. I have constantly, FOR TEN YEARS, been doing a daily check of my body to see if I was developing thrush or swollen lymph nodes. I realized last week that if I did not start HAART treatment, I was about to get sick very soon. I do not have HIV. I am stunned. I wasted ten years of my life in a prison of my own mental making. I have delayed so many things that I have wanted in my life: marriage, children, buying a house, ect. This has caused me great depression. And the irony is that if I had had it, I wasn't treating what is a manageable, chronic condition. Please go get tested. I know that for some people it is the hardest thing in the world to do. I cried like a baby today for the past seven hours. I feel like an albatros has been lifted. Please PM me if you want to talk or need support. I will check my inbox and I will get back to you. I am not a religous person per se, but I do feel the need to pay it forward. You are not alone and someone does care.
Megan
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riverprincess
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Reged: 12/25/11
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Loc: Jersey Shore
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I'm truly sorry that you lived all those years thinkinbg you were tested . But Megan don't think of those years as wasted , they are a tool for you to use here in reaching out to others. time is only wasted when you do nothing with the realization. And your reaching out now proves the point. Stick around girl , we could use your help here.
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ashler1977
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Guardian
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Reged: 05/18/12
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Loc: Europe
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Thanks Megan for sharing your story.
--------------------
Oral Sex: What's the Real Risk for HIV?
http://www.thebody.com/content/art58210.html
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moomoo
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Newbie
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Reged: 12/06/12
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You are absolutely right. I feel so empathetic to people who do have this disease. I experienced the anxiety and regret that I assume so many people have. It has taught me not to judge people and to face fears that can be so dark and menacing. The only way to go forward if you don't know your status is to get tested. It is so hard, but I know that everyone on this site who is scared can do it.
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riverprincess
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Reged: 12/25/11
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Loc: Jersey Shore
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That is why we need your voice here. Stick around , your needed here for sure.
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Hi..LIke you I am thinking that I am Infected too..But I never yet get tested. I'm really scared to get tested. I can't get out of my mind every minute. I think I'm going crazy. I'm really paranoid. I want to get tested. But I'm scared. I'm losing hope. It's really depressing. But I want to continue in life. I felt the symptoms of ARS. I'm really scared. Oh my God please help me..
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