Trying to be complete, scared on many levels. Hope I'm wrong and just crazy.

So here we go. This is quite the story, but maybe some here have been in similar positions.

I am 34 years old, seperated from my wife for 2 years, and just left a relationship with a 21 year old girl I met at college who I know now is a highly intelligent sociopath, and who I've caught in dozens of lies and manipulations. Ive had unprotected sex dozens of times with her, and I have a botched circumcision that left me with foreskin that bleeds when it gets pulled back. The last couple times we had sex she was on her period during a trip we took together up north. I don't have to tell you how risky this was. She always tells me to come inside of her, and we have penetrative sex for hours at a time (I have alot of stamina). There were times I felt she was not enjoying the sex, just kind of doing it, and it seemed like she might be 'somewhere else' in her head, and staring right through me. On the trip I saw her shift her personality and seduce people right in front of me. One of the people I was with told me she thought there was something very wrong with her psychologically. There were rumors she had slept with other people in our relationship, including someone who said he had unprotected sex with her. I started to wonder what her game with me was (Im unattractive/overweight, broke, and dont even have a car to take her out in... I had thought she was someone who saw past that, but I think I was fooling myself) and considered that she may have HIV and be spreading it. I am very scared. I took her out one more time to get more information, and she admitted the sociopathy, and I believe made an offhand veiled remark about killing me. I then broke off communication and have been trying to figure out what to do.

This was based on some physical things I had noticed (brown/purplish spots on her back and neck, fatty growth where her neck meets her back, no feeling in her fingers or feet, easy bruising, multiple rashes, she also lost about 40 lbs in 4 months and said she was just 'eating organic') as well as psychological (mood swings, was always fatigued, never slept much, constant anxiety, was obsessed with living in the moment, didnt have anything in the way of future plans even though she just finished college, was very vague about everything, hiding our relationship from her family, never responding to text messages in a way that would insinuate there was a relationship). There were also things she said, like how when we first had unprotected sex, she said 'I don't want to hurt you' (which I thought was about emotions), and how she told me she didn't care about dying and wasnt afraid of it, and how she had said she was really good at hiding things. I brought up using condoms once, she said there was no need, she was on the pill and not sleeping with anyone else and loved me (this was less than a week before I know she had sex with someone else), and wasnt worried about STE's. She did not say STD's, she said STE's. I feel like she has been dropping hints about this since the beginning, as part of some crazy game like psychopaths are known to play.

I remembered that I was in a class with her before I really even knew who she was, and had brought up a treatment for RNA based viruses that seemed to be a magic bullet. Someone had questioned whether it was an AIDS cure, and then a girl had said she had long term HIV, and asked what this would do to/for her. I told her it probably wouldnt help by itself. I had thought it was another girl. I brought it up when we had coffee the first time and she smiled and said she didnt remember anything like that. Now I wonder if it might have been her that said it, and that when she saw i didnt remember is when the seduction and manipulation began.

I had an antibody test as soon as I got home from the vacation. It was negative. But it had only been 2 days since I last had sex with her. I researched her background and after digging found her on S&M websites when she was 15 years old, and saw that her handle corresponded to an HIV awareness campaign. Her avatar was a sea of blood and a handgun. About a week later I felt a tickle in my throat, like when Im about to have a cold. Then I had night sweats for 2 days. I looked up what the symptoms meant and saw HIV. That upset me greatly. Then, the vibrations started, like pins and needs all over my body. My neck started hurting bad, so did my shoulder, especially one that I had hurt a couple months earlier (though it had healed and felt fine previously). My upper back had a burning sensation, but was cool to the touch. I started getting bumps all over, like a dozen of them over a 2 day span. They were a little itchy but not bad, and they would stick around for a few days. My tongue was white, and my tonsils were huge. Something had happened to my immune system.

I definately felt like something was terribly wrong. My head felt really foggy, I was having trouble expressing myself correctly. I couldnt concentrate, and when I would try to sleep I would get a jolt and wake up an hour or two later. It was really difficult to get back to sleep. I was living on 3-4 hours of sleep a night. I slipped in and out of conciousness all day, unable to really rest, and when I tried to watch tv or read or anything, I would fall asleep for 15 seconds and wake with a jolt. Finally a week after this all started I went to a specialist who gave me a viral load test at 15 days from last contact. It came back negative. I told the doc I wanted to stay on top of this, he said the test was definitive and I had nothing to worry about, and that he would not do any additional testing. He did not take my concerns about the girl seriously at all, and told me I had 'guilt'.

But the symptoms didn't stop. The vibrations were less intense, but were still there somewhat. Then, a week later I felt like I had a fever fro a couple days, and my face was flush and red. My throat really tightened up and got sore, though i never developed any mucous or cough. I started feeling swelling/pain in my lymph nodes in my face, my neck, and my armpits, and little pains throughout my body. My mouth hurt and was bleeding on the inside, and their were white streaks on the roof and white spots on my tonsils, as well as two brown spots. My toungue had red bumps towards the back of it. My chest, back, stomach and face were itchy, though no rash or anything, just a couple bumps. My shoulders and neck were tight and hurt like hell. I had a weird sore on my testicles, and they hurt for a couple days. I called one of the guys that she had cheated on me with, and told him my concerns, and that he should get tested and if either of us was positive, we should go to the police. I'm sure he didnt take me seriously, and may have told her what I said. I waited till the 4 week mark, then took a rapid antibody test. It came back negative.

I had been ignoring her for a while now, not returning her calls or texts. She called incessantly for weeks, trying to get me to talk to her, and re-establish some control. I just wanted to be done with her, and was afraid if I talked to her she would reel me back in, because I felt she had some kind of strange power over me (anyone whos been in love understands this). But, I continued to keep track of her, and noticed one of my friends was now facebook friends with her. After talking to him, I found out they had been having unprotected sex for the last 2 weeks, and that she had told him that her and I were just friends. Now thats at least 3 guys i know of she's been having unprotected sex with (including me). And I suspect many more, based on hints she had dropped about guys being 'in love with her'. My friend is scared, because I told him she was crazy and might have HIV, but he's still talking to her, probably hoping I'm wrong and then he can still see her and have sex with her. She is very pretty, very smart, and has an air of mystery, so I understand where he's coming from. She has already started to manipulate his emotions, I can tell. A couple days after I found out about him and told him everything, I got this text message from her at almost the same time she called him to see if he wanted to have sex (I don't think he said anything to her about me knowing, he called me to tell me she had called him and didnt know what to do):

"I'm curious to hear how your tests came back. I figure if I had any communicable 'scarlet woman' diseases, you'd already be up in my face about my malicious promiscuity. I'll assume if I don't hear from you that you're content to keep ignoring me for the rest of your days."

Believe it or not, I now think that she had my cell phone hacked to intercept phone calls, listen in on my conversations, and get my text messages and emails. There are too many coincidences like this where she knows what I'm doing, what Ive said to other people, certain timings, etc. I also belive she has made a copy of my house and car key, and has been sending me 'warnings' by messing with my lights or unlocking my doors, both in my house and car ever since I mentioned on the phone to a couple people that I suspect whats going on, I'm not playing along, and I'm thinking of going to the police. I really feel like I'm in the middle of some incredibly scary game. The worst part is I have a suspicion she is not alone. I believe she has a partner in this. Also, I talked to the girl I thought said she had AIDS in the class. It wasnt her. It may have been the girl I've been seeing, who let me continue thinking the other girls said it.

At the six week mark I went to get a western blot antibody test and I had another viral load test. The doctor didnt even examine me, he just re-iteated that the test I had at 15 days was definitive, and all my symptoms were anxiety. He didn't even want to listen, just said he would give me the test so I could move forward because I was not infected. The viral load came back negative. I'm still waiting for the western blot. I know she has travelled extensively, and one of the people I suspect her of having sex with is a professor who's specialty is working hands on with the West African AIDS epidemic. I don't know Whether he may have given it to her, or is another victim. There are several other people I suspect she has slept with, mostly from comments she's made.

What is going on here? Is there a chance that the viral load isn't picking up an odd strain? My symptoms are starting to lessen, would antibodies now be detectable? Are they detectable no matter the strain? I have no evidence to go to the police with, but if it's all true she is putting people in danger, and specifically my friends because I believe it is part of her game with me. What should I do?

PS: I know there is absolutely a component of this all that is anxiety/stress. Please do not insult or make fun of me, I obviously either am in a terrible position or have a mental problem brought on by this. Please don't make bets on which it is, its not nice and I'm looking for help.

Edited by terrorized (10/04/12 02:56 PM)

Post Extras: Remind Me!

Ok here is a list of symptoms associated with HIV. Read through them carefully print it out and mark each one that you have. From your post above you got a lot of them. But read all the way to the bottom and I will tell you what and how to get treatment for this special strain that isn't showing up on the tests.

Allergy problems, increase in allergies (number, sensitivity, reactions, lengthier reactions)
Back pain, stiffness, tension, pressure, soreness, spasms, immobility in the back or back muscles
Blanching (looking pale, loss of color in the face or skin)
Blushing, turning red, flushed face, flushed skin, blushing, red face or skin
Body aches, parts of or your entire body feels sore and achy, feels like your body and muscles are bruised
Body jolts, body zaps, electric jolt feeling in body, intense body tremor or “body shake”
Body temperature increase or decrease, change in body temperature
Burning skin, itchy, “crawly,” prickly or other skin sensations, skin sensitivity, numbness on the skin
Burning skin sensation on the face, neck, ears, scalp, or shoulders
Buzzing sensation in the feet, toes, hands, fingers, arms, legs
Chest pain, chest tightness
Choking
Chronic Fatigue, exhaustion, super tired, worn out
Clumsiness, feeling clumsy, co-ordination problems with the limbs or body
Cold chills, feeling cold
Craving sugar, sweets, chocolate, usual craving for sugar and sweets
Difficulty speaking, moving mouth, talking, co-ordination problems with the mouth or tongue
Dizziness, feeling lightheaded
Dizzy, feeling dizzy
Electric shock feeling, body zaps
Excess of energy, you feel you can’t relax
Falling sensation, feel like your are falling or dropping even though you aren't
Feel like you are going to pass out or faint
Feeling cold or chilled
Feel wrong, different, foreign, odd, or strange
Flu-like symptoms, general malaise, feel ill, like you are coming down with a flu
Flushed face, red face, flushed skin
Frequent urination
Hair loss, hair is thinning, or clumps of hair are falling out
Head Zaps
Heart palpitations, racing heart
Hyperactivity, excess energy, nervous energy
Increased or decreased sex drive
Infection - increased infections, persistent infection
Mouth or throat clicking or grating sound/noise when you move your mouth or jaw, such as when talking
Muscles that vibrate, jitter, tremor, or shake when used
Muscle twitching
Nausea
Nausea vomiting
Neck, back, shoulder pain, tightness/stiffness
Night sweats, waking up in a sweat, profusely sweating at night
No energy, feeling lethargic, tired
Numbness
Numbness tingling, numbness and tingling
Numbness and tingling, and other skin sensations on hands, feet, face, head, or any other places on the body
Persistent muscle tension, stiffness
Pounding heart, heart feels like it is beating too hard
Pulsing or throbbing muscles. Pulsing or throbbing sensation.
Red skin, skin looks like or is turning red
Rib or rib cage tightness, pressure, or feeling like a tight band around the rib cage
Sexual Dysfunction, sexual uninterest
Shooting pains, stabbing pains, and odd pressures in the neck, head, or face
Shooting pains in the face
Shooting pains in the scalp or head
Skipped heart beats
Sore or tight scalp or back of the neck
Startle easily
Sweating, uncontrollable profuse sweating
The floor feels like it is moving either down or up for no reason
Tightness in the ribs or rib cage area, may also feel like a tight band around the ribs or rib cage area.
Tingling sensations, anywhere on the body, including the hands, feet, legs, arms, head, mouth, chest, groin area
Throat or mouth clicking or grating sound/noise when you move your mouth or jaw, such as when talking
TMJ
Trembling, shaking, tremors
Twitching
Unsteadiness, dizziness, feeling dizzy or lightheaded
Urgency to urinate, frequent urination, sudden urge to go to the washroom (similar to urinary tract or prostate infection symptoms)
Warm spells
Weak - feel weak, weakness, low energy, light, soft, like you may faint
Weak legs, arms, or muscles
Weight loss, weight gain

Chest tremors, trembling in the chest, chest feels like it is vibrating
Chest pain or discomfort
Concern about the heart
Feel like you have to force yourself to breath
Find it hard to breath, feeling smothered, shortness of breath
Frequent yawning to try and catch your breath
Heart Palpitations – beating hard or too fast, rapid heartbeat
Heart - Irregular heart rhythms, flutters or ‘skipped’ beats, tickle in the chest that makes you cough
Pounding heart, heart feels like it is beating too hard
Rib or rib cage tightness, pressure, or feeling like a tight band around the rib cage

A heightened fear of what people think of you
Afraid of being trapped in a place with no exits
Constant feeling of being overwhelmed.
Fear of being in public
Fear of dying
Fear of losing control
Fear of impending doom
Fear of making mistakes or making a fool of yourself to others
Fear of passing out
Fear that you are losing your mind
Fears about irrational things, objects, circumstances, or situations
Fears of going crazy, of dying, of impending doom, of normal things, unusual feelings and emotions, unusually frightening thoughts or feelings
Heightened self awareness, or self-consciousness
Need to find nearest washrooms before you can feel comfortable
Need to seat near exits

Brain fog
Burning, itchy, tight scalp
Dizziness
Dizzy
Dizziness or light-headedness
Frequent headaches, migraine headaches
Feeling like there is a tight band around your head, pressure, tightness
Hair loss, hair is thinning, or clumps of hair are falling out
Head, neck or shoulder pain, tightness/stiffness
Head zaps, head tremors
Giddiness
Numbness
Numbness tingling, numbness and tingling
Shooting pains, stabbing pains, and odd pressures in the neck, head, or face
Shooting pains in the face
Shooting pains in the scalp or head
When you close your eyes you feel like are beginning to, or will, float upwards
Sore jaw that feels like a tooth ache
TMJ (Temporo-Mandibular Joint) - clenching of the jaw or grinding of the teeth

Feel like there is something stuck in your ear, that your ear canal it plugged or blocked, that there is a pebble in your ear that you can't get out
Low rumbling sounds
Reduced hearing, frequent or intermittent reduced hearing or deafness in one or both ears
Ringing in the ears, noises in the ears, noises in the head
Pulsing in the ears, throbbing sound in the ear(s)
Tickle or itch in your ear that you can't seem to get at

Afraid of everything
Altered state of reality, consciousness, or universe feeling
Brain Fog
Deja Vu, a feeling like you've done or experienced something before
Depersonalization
Derealization
Desensitization
Difficulty concentrating, short-term memory loss
Difficulty thinking, speaking, forming thoughts, following conversations
Disorientation
Fear of going crazy
Fear of losing control
Fear of impending doom
Feelings of unreality
Frequent feeling of being overwhelmed, or that there is just too much to handle or do
Having difficulty concentrating
Nightmares, bad dreams
Obsession about sensations or getting better
Repetitive thinking or incessant ‘mind chatter’
Short-term learning impairment, have a hard time learning new information
Short-term memory impairment, can't remember what I did a few days, hours, or moments ago
Spaced out feelings, feeling spaced out
"Stuck" thoughts; thoughts, mental images, concepts, songs, or melodies that "stick" in your mind and replay over and over again.
Trapped in your mind feeling
Underlying anxiety, apprehension, or fear
You often feel you are carrying the world on your shoulders

Always feeling angry and lack of patience
Depersonalization
Depression
Dramatic mood swings (emotional flipping)
Emotionally blunted, flat, or numb
Emotional "flipping" (dramatic mood swings)
Emotions feel wrong
Everything is scary, frightening
Feeling down in the dumps
Feeling like things are unreal or dreamlike
Frequently being on edge or 'grouchy'
Feel like crying for no apparent reason
Have no feelings about things you used to
Not feeling like yourself, detached from loved ones, emotionally numb
Underlying anxiety, apprehension, or fear
You feel like you are under pressure all the time
A ‘tinny’, ‘metallic’ or ‘ammonia’, or unusual smell or taste
Aerophagia (swallowing too much air, stomach distention, belching)
Burning mouth, feeling like the inside of your mouth is burning, or tingling, or like pins and needles, or all of these together or at different times
Burning tongue, feeling like your tongue is burning, or tingling, or like pins and needles, or all of these, or all of these together or at different times
Choking
Constant craving for sugar or sweets
Constipation
Diarrhea
Difficulty swallowing
Difficulty talking, pronouncing certain letters or sounds, mouth feels like it isn't moving right, slurred speech
Dry mouth
Feeling like you can’t swallow properly or that something will get caught in your throat
Feeling like your tongue is swollen
IBS
Lack of appetite or taste
Lump in the throat, tight throat, something stuck in your throat
Mouth muscles twitching/jumping
Mouth or throat clicking or grating sound/noise when you move your mouth or jaw, such as when talking
Nausea
Nausea vomiting
Nausea or abdominal stress
Numbness
Numbness tingling, numbness and tingling
Stomach upset, gas, belching, bloating
Teeth grinding
The thought of eating makes you nauseous
Tight throat, lump in throat
Throat or mouth clicking or grating sound/noise when you move your mouth or jaw, such as when talking
TMJ
Tongue symptoms - Tingly, “stretched,” numb, frozen, itchy, “crawly,” burning, twitching, “jumpy,” aching, sore, or swollen tongue (when it isn’t).
Urgency to urinate, frequent urination, sudden urge to go to the washroom

Burning skin sensations, skin sensitivity
Numbness
Numbness tingling, numbness and tingling
Skin problems, infections, rashes

Difficulty falling or staying asleep
Frequent bad, bizarre, or crazy dreams
Hearing sounds in your head that jolt you awake
Insomnia, or waking up ill in the middle of the night
Jolting awake
Waking up in a panic attack

Distorted, foggy, or blurred vision
Dry, watery or itchy eyes
Eye tricks, seeing things our of the corner of your eye that isn’t there, stars, flashes
Eyes sensitive to light
Spots in the vision
Flashing lights when eyes are closed
Your depth perception feels wrong

Burning skin sensations, skin sensitivity
Feeling cold or chilled
Numbness
Numbness tingling, numbness and tingling
Pain
Tingling, pins and needles feelings

Feelings
• Having a heart attack
• Having a serious undetected illness
• Dying prematurely
• Going insane or losing your mind
• Suddenly snapping
• Losing it
• Uncontrollably harming yourself or someone you love
• Losing control of your thoughts and actions
• Being embarrassed or making a fool out of yourself
• Losing control
• Fainting in public
• Not breathing properly
• Losing control of reality
• Choking or suffocating
• Being alone

Ok now that you have picked out all the symptoms of HIV from that let me tell you where I got this list.

http://www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-symptoms.shtml

That's right it's a list of anxiety symptoms. Negative tests trumps all symptoms. But fear not like I said there is a cure for this special HIV strain its called antidepressants and psychotherapy look into it otherwise it will only get worse. Good luck.

Post Extras: Remind Me!