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Momma
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Reged: 05/31/12
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Test taken and now I wait
#263389 - 05/31/12 10:13 PM
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After stressing hardcore over this, I took the plunge and got tested tonight. I will have the results early next week. This has been a huge step for me since I am a raging hypochondriac and have been googling every little sneeze and cough I have. I am so scared beyond belief but I know that I needed to do this.
I performed a few minutes of oral on a man on 4 different occasions. Never any cum but I did taste per-cum once. This was a year ago. Ever since then, I have had so many things happen over the year. Everything from tonsillitis to leg cramps to headaches.
Everyone tells me it is anxiety but I feel that a positive test result might come to me. I feel so stupid and foolish. I beat myself up constantly about what I did.
I am trying so hard to keep it together. This step tonight took a lot of energy. waiting will be harder...
Just so scared and so unsure. Thank you so much for listening...
God bless
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bartleby
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don't be scared. sure, it can be daunting but you've done the right thing and got tested. now you just have to wait.
the per-act risk estimate is actually 0.5 out of 10,000 exposures to a person confirmed positive. so the odds are very much in your favor.
so look forward to a negative test result. and since it's been a year, the test result will be conclusive! so no more googling symptoms. symptoms are unreliable and do not diagnose HIV!
also, don't feel stupid for having sex. nothing wrong with that!
--------------------
Bartleby at The Body
Bulletin Board Administrator
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riverprincess
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Reged: 12/25/11
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I can only imagine how life consuming being a hypocondric is. But we do have our share here . I'm glad you finally got tested and you can move on with your life with one less thing to worry about. But remeber this " Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere."
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Momma
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Thank you both so much. My fear stems from watching my uncle in his "final days" waste away from his HIV in the early 80's. That burned a hole in my brain and I have always been the "safety girl".
I had a mental breakdown last summer after my dad died and well - I met this guy and relaxed my "safety" side. We did use a condom when we had sex - that I made happen. I was just more relaxed than usual on the oral stuff.
I have been in therapy for the last year to deal with my mental breakdown. It has helped a lot. As much as I did NOT want to test, I see this as a passage in me (and my mental status) healing.
Just I hate the wait. Half tempted to just go and do a rapid somewhere so I know.
In a few days - it will all be over.
I hope for myself and others in my position - the outcome is a big WOOHOO.
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riverprincess
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My thougts are with you Momma. If I could I'd reach out and hold your hand while you wait for your results. But thats really not necessary cause everything , pertaining to this, will be fine. I wish you all the best in all of your emotional recoveries. I'm here for you if ever you want to vent.
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KenC
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I think you will be fine. I am in a bit of a scare right now. Possible exposure not too long ago. But i started noticing that when I inspect myself or if I start going online and looking for symptoms, anxiety kicks up and my symptoms increase. It is also important to remember that when you type something into an internet search bar, for example..."HIV and tooth ache," chances are, you are going to find something that someone has posted that somehow managed to relate HIV and a tooth ache. That is my big problem. Everything little thing i feel, I'll type it in the search bar along with "HIV symptom." That is what the internet does, it take whatever you type and searches every corner of the web for the words that you put together in a search.
I have a case of tonsilitis as well. But when I further think about, I was on a cruise last week and was in close quarters with many other people that may have been sick. I am currently experiencing body aches right now. But further thought, I am sitting at a computer with a horrible posture for hours looking up symptoms. Many people would get body aches that way. As far as head aches, I have been experience them all week too. Could it be because I am staring at the computer monitor all day looking up symptoms and losing sleep over it? It certainly can be the reason.
I know it's hard to relax, I am in the same situation as you. But we have to do our best.
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Momma
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Everyone here is so brave and so wonderful. Thank you. I wanted to report a big WOOHOO NEGATIVE!!!
I am taking this "second chance" to examine myself and my life. I will never place myself at risk again and I will begin to heal myself.
Thank you...may God bless u all
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