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OCD over HIV...please pray for me.
#261249 - 02/18/12 10:39 PM
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Hello everyone,
I have been using this site to cope with my anxiety over HIV. I am using Paxil 80mg a day already. I am seeing a mental health clinician as well. But it seems that I can not let go this HIV OCD.
My last at risk behavior was 2006. I been tested with ELISA blood work since 2008, 2009, 2010, and 2011. I have not placed myself at risk since 2006. I took a total of 8 ELISA test. 3 labratory ELISA and 5 Rapid blood Clearview HIV test. All were negative. My risks were having protected sex with Asian prostitutes. But i was never sure if condoms broke. I remember condom slipping out and I placed it back in.
I have been sick a lot. I had complaints of rashes and soar throats....that have been reoccuring. At this time, I have rashes back again and throat infections. I have been feeling tired and body achy. I do not know what to do anymore. I feel like killing myself.
you see, I have one son and a wife now. My wife is 8 weeks pregnant and had taken a routine prenatal blood work that consist of an HIV test. I am so nervous and scared about her results...to the point were I am calling her doctor and keep asking if her blood tests are in. Not in yet. I also have been reading on pregnancy and HIV false positive. It is really freaking me out. I do not know what to do anymore. I want to freaking die. I have had thoughts of killing myself for the past few days and all most went through with it. Thank God my son came in the room. He just made me happy.
Why so some pregnant women develop false positive HIV and other pregnant women do not? Is this rare for pregnant woment to test HIV false positive?
I really do not know what to do anymore. I am just fearful of my wife's blood work result. I am not sure how she is going to react if in fact she receives a False Positive.
Please give me your thoughts and pray for me.
Thanks
Rusty
Edited by rustychaucer5968 (02/18/12 10:57 PM)
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crabman
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Reged: 03/10/11
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"I have been using this site to cope with my anxiety over HIV. I am using Paxil 80mg a day already. I am seeing a mental health clinician as well. But it seems that I can not let go this HIV OCD. "
It would seem that using this site to cope with your anxiety over HIV isn't working out for you. It also doesn't help your anxiety to determine an outcome of a test before you even get the results. Your wife has received neither a negative, positive or indeterminate result. Until she does any discussion on the subject is purely speculation.
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Crabman,
You are right. I am gonna try to chill out and let it go until a result comes in. Thank you for giving me some rationalization. Crabman, I thank you for helping people. I admire that from you and from others here in this site.
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riverprincess
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Reged: 12/25/11
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Loc: Jersey Shore
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Since your tests came back fine year after year stop worrying about your wifes test. It sounds like your experiencing the guilts over something that happened many years ago. Let it go , fogive yourself , I'm sure you've repented time and time again. Ever hear the story of the dog that was buried then dug back up time and time again even though the owner forgave the person for hitting the dog with his car and killing it? Well stop digging the dog back up . Its buried and done.
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