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Agoodfriend
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Reged: 02/15/12
Posts: 2
Please help me ease my friend's mind (and mine!)
      #261189 - 02/15/12 01:39 PM

Okay, so...one of my friends had a heavy makeout session last week with a guy she met through work. She had a few drinks and was not "all there," but she does remember everything, just in a fuzzy way. The guy had 2 condoms with him, but they didn't open one as they didn't expect to have sex (she was on her period and had a tampon in, from what she told me). Well...she said at one point she got on top of the guy and the next thing she knew, he was inside of her...but just barely...there was about 1-2 minutes of shallow penetration before she got off of him and realized what she was doing. Obviously he couldn't go far since there was a tampon there, I would assume! She is worried because before that happened she noticed his penis had some precum when she touched it. So she is concerned that if he has HIV that she may have gotten it from the shallow penetration.

The next day she freaked out and called him. He told her he got tested a couple months ago (she said he also told her that before they started fooling around) and that he tested negative for everything. He told her he always uses protection when he has sex, but he didn't with her, so she isn't sure if she should trust him 100% on that. He may have not with her because he knew she was on birth control pills.

The thing is...my friend believes this guy is pretty promiscuous, though he claimed to her that he has been with less than 10 girls. However, she is wondering how many oral sex encounters he has had as that is something he really likes to do from what she said he told her.

My friend has a 4-month-old baby, and she is breastfeeding her. I am concerned about her level of risk, because if it is high, then she is probably infecting her child too...right? He told her he had had sex around a month ago. If he got HIV then, his viral load would be very high, and she has a high risk of being infected with precum, right?

I am scared for her. We live in GA, which is one of the most affected states by HIV. My friend is white, but he has been known to sleep with Latina and black women. I am not meaning to offend anyone by saying that, but I am just mentioning it for statistical purposes since more Latina and black women get HIV than whites.

Thanks for any answers as to how at risk she was with that...and if anyone has any numbers I can give her (like 1 in 100) or anything like that, it would be appreciated. When is the earliest she can test with the PCR test? If it comes back good, is the antibody test really needed?

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crabmanModerator
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Reged: 03/10/11
Posts: 1231
Re: Please help me ease my friend's mind (and mine!) new
      #261194 - 02/15/12 07:42 PM

OMG this is just so embarrassing that you live in the same state I do. Obviously we need to work on sex education in the schools. Oh and GA isn't the highest rate of HIV infections. But then I guess you break things out by white and "not white". Funny thing HIV doesn't.

Let's start with...who cares how many oral sex encounters he has had. Oral sex is not considered a real risk for HIV, so what's your point?...or hers?

Seems like the tampon would have collected any pre-cum...Yuck and double yuck.

If your 'friend' is so concerned just tell her to get tested with a plain old Antibody test. A pcr is not considered a diagnostic test and even if someone should show a viral load, then they would have to be retested with an antibody and western blot anyway

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SqueakyWheel50
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Reged: 02/13/12
Posts: 8
Re: Please help me ease my friend's mind (and mine!) new
      #261197 - 02/15/12 11:50 PM

Doesn't really matter how many oral sex encounters he has had. The main concern if he even had HIV would be the vaginal sex he had with her. From the episode you described, even if he did have HIV, the probability would be low. Actually since she was bleeding he would probably have more reason to be concerned had she had HIV because her blood was involved.

The fact is that not very many heterosexual males in the US have HIV. If he is circumcised his chances of contracting HIV from an encounter with someone who has HIV is even reduced further.

It is well documented that, most of the time, when HIV is transmitted it is not from a one time drunken encounter or "one night stand." Most of the time it results from repeated exposure to someone who is infected with HIV. I am not saying one cannot get it from a one time encounter, but this is not the norm by any stretch of the imagination.

Odds are is if this guy is not a bi-sexual or an IV drug user, who shares dirty needles, and he is not the regular partner of a woman who is an IV drug user who shares dirty needles, he does not have HIV.

Even in the unlikely event he did have HIV the odds are in her favor in the situation you described, that she did not catch it from him from this one time encounter; again, that's even IF he had it.

Magic Johnson's wife after many years of having sex with him did not contract HIV, nor, more than likely did any of his thousands of women he claimed to have been with, or conventional wisdom would most certainly tell me that he would have been sued and you would have heard about it.

I am speaking from many hundreds of hours of researching literature on the subject, and consulting with many specialists because being a heterosexual male myself I have had some druken unprotected encounters with some questionable women myself; and, I have also worried myself sick over the possibility of contracting HIV from these encounters--until I tested.

Being tested was the only thing that eased my mind conclusively. The odds are simply greatly in her favor that she did not catch HIV from this one time encounter--even if he did have HIV. Being possible and probable are not the same thing.

In the case of winning the powerball I wish they were.

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Agoodfriend
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Reged: 02/15/12
Posts: 2
Re: Please help me ease my friend's mind (and mine!) new
      #261202 - 02/16/12 08:31 AM

Thank you...all 3 of you. To answer the question about how she differentiated between the precum and her own blood...she only knows that he had precum because she had touched him before he ended up inside of her, and there was precum. As far as her bleeding...she told me she was almost done with her period, so there wasn't really any blood from her, but she did have a tampon in. Again, neither of them expected to have sex, and she doesn't remember either one of them initiating that part...just happened, she said. But she knows it was only a minute or two, and he confirmed that for her.

I will do some more research myself and assure her that her risk was pretty low...does anyone know when she can get tested the earliest with PCR or antibody test?

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SqueakyWheel50
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Reged: 02/13/12
Posts: 8
Re: Please help me ease my friend's mind (and mine!) new
      #261209 - 02/16/12 11:11 PM

You're going to read and people will tell you wait three months, but this is not always necessary in every case. This is a number given to be absolutely sure and err on the side of caution, but many experts will also tell you that the vast majority of people would have antibodies after even 4 weeks some sooner. In some cases, though, it could take up to three months, they said (perhaps for extra conservative advice)

If your friend tests negative in 3-4 weeks after her encounter I would put money on it she would also test negative at 3 months after this particular encounter.

In fact, as I have already alluded to, if this man is not gay, bi, or an IV drug user who shares dirty needles, nor the regular partner of a female who uses IV drugs and shares dirty needles, or the regular partner of a female who has sex with someone who also has sex with another male who is a bi-sexual, then the chances are he DOES NOT HAVE HIV.

Did you follow all that? If I knew you and your friend and lived near you I'd come over and make a large wager that from the encounter described, your friend does not have HIV to be worried about.

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