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coco5th
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Newbie
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Reged: 01/05/12
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Posts: 3
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Scared and hate the waiting
#259904 - 01/06/12 12:00 AM
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For a long time I was so scared to get tested for HIV. I had no symptoms but plenty of risk being promiscuous in the past. I finally worked up the nerve to get tested, I kept reading stories and knew that if I found out sooner I would be able to benefit from medication and have a longer life, this for me pushed me to finally get tested. I was negative, I couldn't believe it. A week after I tested negative i was raped. It was vaginally and unprotected. This happened about 2 and a half weeks ago. I was put on a PrEP within 12 hours of the incident and was to continue for 30 days - which I'm still on. I hate that I finally work up the nerve after 3 years to get tested and then some ass hole has put fear back into me. I made a promise to be smarter, safer and more demanding of myself and anyone I have sex with and then all that control is taken away from me so quickly. So I'm not sure of my risks I was told a couple different things at the hospital and also have read different things online. If anyone has any thoughts or information all is welcome.
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riverprincess
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Moderator
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Reged: 12/25/11
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Posts: 1074
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Loc: Jersey Shore
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That really sucks Coco. I just don't understand how some men can be such pathetic malicious asses. I don't want to sound like a man hater but from a womans perspective it's despictable. I firmly believe all rapists should be castrated, Been there, went through it , and it stays with you your whole life. But I do hope Coco that your either getting counseling or in some way coming to terms with this. Have you taken a pregnancy test? Believe it or not I have come to terms with my being drugged episode but when I see something like it on tv or hear about it it just brings it back and the anger is there. You can pm if you need to girl.
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That's beyond horrible! I'm so sorry this happened to you.
It's excellent that you are on the PEP - that is very effective against HIV infection if it's administered correctly, and it sounds like yours was. Stick with it - it's worth it.
Do get counseling. I am so sorry this is happening to you. Please talk here any time. Talking does help.
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coco5th
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Newbie
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Reged: 01/05/12
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Posts: 3
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I'm definitely sticking with it, it makes me sick but I know the 30 days on it is worth it. Thank you for responding. Thank you for your kind words. I'm definitely going to be going to counseling. I'm also on anti-depressant and anti-anxiety meds. Usually I'm anti-meds if they interfere with my mood but after this I figured anything that could help and also I was having panic attacks just leaving my home so I had to do something.
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My heart goes out to you! When I was diagnosed last year, I had similar issues and went on antidepressants for a few months. By October, I was feeling better and had come to terms with my diagnosis and what had happened to me, so I went off them and am still doing well. As long as you are receiving counseling, meds are very helpful and help you get over the rough patches. As time goes by, it will get better and you can start to move off of them and get on with your life. Life will always be different, but you have to take these trials and use them as the power to love yourself and really engage in your dreams. The only way the asshole can win that did this to you is if you cave into despair and let it ruin you.
This was horrible, and you will move past it. He is a pathetic wretch that has only fear and violence to feel power in his life. You are not that way. It's terrible that his world collided with yours, but take this to see how wonderful you really are and realize the great dreams you have for your life and do them. That is how you win!
It will take time to heal; be patient with yourself, but always move in a positive direction. Again, everyone here is ready to talk when you need it. I am terribly sorry you are going through this mess!
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