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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

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squiggz
New User

Reged: 08/13/11
Posts: 2
married with 3 kids and scared to death
      #256964 - 08/13/11 09:25 PM

I'm 42 married farther of 3 and back in January/Febuary i made the biggest mistake of my life that may have cost me my life. and I regret it every minute of every hour of every day. I accepted a friend request from an ex-girl friend on Facebook soon there after she began getting sexual and i like an idiot returned the sexting. we met and had unprotected sex twice. once in January and once in Feb. She said to me her tubes were tied so you don't have to wear protection. So once again like a idiot, i didnt. Soon not to long after i had to leave work early because i was sick. Feverish flu like nauseous kind of sick. went home went to bed and slept the rest of the day and night through. felt better the next day. went to work. but soon there after began having low grade headaches diarrhea and began losing weight. continued for 3 weeks or so. So at that point. I began to get concerned. So went to the Doc at about mid to end of March and had a Hiv blood antibody test chlamydia and guanaria test done. (if i knew then what i know now i would have ask for PCR) all came back negative. everything was fine at that point didnt think i had anything to worry about anymore. seemed to be stable with the weight loss. down to 142 lbs down from 155 but stable. The weekend before the 4th of July my whole world turned upside down. I began having pain in the tip of penis when urinating and urinating often. felt like i wasnt done when i had no more pee. and i was leaking urine in my sleep. Yeah i know, not HIV symptoms. more like guanaria or UTI. but its what came along at the same time. The losing weight and this empty wasting, hunger kind of stuff. like my metabolism cranked up all the way. no matter how much i ate didnt matter. after i went poop i was empty again. (now i know today that it's Malabsorbtion) So at that point went for whole battery of STD test including Hep C and HIV saliva test. once again all came back negative. also did a test for UTI and that too came back negative. So since that started ive had sores appear over night on my arms and crust over and take forever to heal. i have geographic tounge, sores in my mouth. any cut i get takes forever to heal. headaches and feal weak and just generaly crapy most of the day. The weight loss continues, I have to bring a cooler full of food to work with me to get me through the day. I have light colored stool in large volumes that floats because my stomach don't absorb fat or nutrients. on an off diarriah, I have joint pain, i have pains in my kidneys and my urine is cloudy at times or dark and strong smelling at others. I get cold sweats. I had another HIV blood antibody and saliva done in middle of July. They both came back negative again. last thursday i started in with a rash that completely covered my back. lasted until Sunday. So going with the logic "you get the the rash you get the antibodies," i had another blood test done and PCR RNA. which both came back negative. got results yesterday. So here I am. I'm approx. 6 months after possible exsposure and my stomach is all screwed up and not working right and Im losing weight like crazy. so much so that at last Doctor visit I'm down to 137 pounds. i'm down to a 29 inch waste from 32. could my body just not be producing antibodies? does any of this sound like anything anybody has expierenced? So scared that my betrayal to my wife and kids has brought this virus into our lives and will destroy it. My babies my sweet angels how could i have done this to them. i have a 2 hour commute to work and I just cry the whole way just thinking of what my careless stupid selfish actions might have brought to our home. please some one help me i'm at my wits end and cant get past thinking that i'm a late seroconvertor. Please help. and God bless all of you. I look forward to your replies. Thank you.

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billi302
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Reged: 08/12/11
Posts: 5
Re: married with 3 kids and scared to death new
      #256968 - 08/14/11 12:33 AM

oh friend
...now its done and its past...u cannot bring it back.....weight loss is deeply related to the stress/depression as well....try not to take tension ......
best of luck
health 4 all



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crabmanModerator
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Reged: 03/10/11
Posts: 1274
Re: married with 3 kids and scared to death new
      #256969 - 08/14/11 10:43 AM

I don't suppose you would care to entertain the fact that you have conclusive negative test results for HIV and it isn't the issue you need to look at.

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rustychaucer5968
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Reged: 08/10/11
Posts: 71
Re: married with 3 kids and scared to death new
      #256974 - 08/14/11 06:51 PM

I think you are depressed and that your body is taking the depression. Like me too, I feel the same way you feel, scared, frustrated, and regret. I had lots of protected sex with call girls before I got married to my wife and had a baby. now, I tested Negative six times since my last exposure in October 2006...way passed the window period. I am expereincing a lot of symptoms with rash and chest pains, coughing. My last ELISA test was on June 2011 and negative. Yet in my mind, I am making myself worried and thinking about HIV to explain my symptoms. I guess we are both regretting what we did in the past, but our symptoms are really real.

I think we both should try to ACCEPT out TEST RESULT OF NEGATIVE...but I know it is hard. Take care man.

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squiggz
New User

Reged: 08/13/11
Posts: 2
Re: married with 3 kids and scared to death new
      #257008 - 08/16/11 05:45 PM

Thanks Rusty
You seem like a good guy. But the key word there is "protected" you had protected sex. Me on the other hand had unprotected sex. I know its still risky rusty and I'm not trying to minamize your situation because, trust me if anybody knows about what your going through, I do. I was stupid enough to have unprotected sex with this woman who I haven't seen in over ten years. Just fing crazy. You know, I guess because she was my ex girlfreind from when I was a kid. I don't know but it didn't even accur to me to ware a condom. Didn't even cross my mind. It accurs to now. I don't go a minute of the day without wanting that time back so I could just say to her I'm sorry, I'm a happily married man with 3 bright funny beautiful children. But no! I threw it all away for a piece of you know what. I just want to go back. I want to back and make this all go away. I'm down to 134 lbs. My 70 year old mother weights more than me now. I'm barley at 6 months now and if I didn't get infected the first time in january,then the time in febuary would'nt even put me at 6 months yet. I'm not going to be able to work soon if this weight loss and a the GI and all the rest keeps going. I'm lossing more than a pound a week. I'm eating and everything I eat seems to just dump out leaving me empty. Without my body absorbing anything. I'm sorry I know that I'm being pretty insencitive right now and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I don't mean to be. But its just were I am right now. .please forgive me. I just think its just a matter of time. And this is not just all in my head. Once again I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I know God bless you all!

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crabmanModerator
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Reged: 03/10/11
Posts: 1274
Re: married with 3 kids and scared to death new
      #257009 - 08/16/11 06:31 PM

Yep, yep, yep. I guess this means you plan to rise above the fact you have tested negative. Ya know, almost 100% of people infected test positive by 6 weeks these days thanks to the advances in testing. That 6 month guideline is a decade old. Guess that's why most countries have a 6 week window.

You don't have HIV. You do have a boatload of guilt. I suggest you put aside the drama of your own making just long enough to google how guilt and stress can manifest itself in the way of physical symptoms.

Or maybe your weight loss is a symptom of something such as....Cancer, celiac disease, peptic ulcer, inflammatory bowel disease (crohns disease and ulcerative colitis), pancreatitis, gastritis, diarrhea, renal disease, Cardiac disease, Pulmonary disease, Connective tissue disease, Neurological disease, including dementia....just to name a few.

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