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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

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anxiousmess
Newbie

Reged: 03/12/11
Posts: 3
Obsessing after stupid encounters in Asia
      #254776 - 03/12/11 09:39 AM

Hi all

After a few days of reading over heaps of posts everytime I get a chance, I'm finally going to post my own story.

I stupidly put myself at risk in January recently. I was on a solo trip through South East Asia and I guess lonliness and alcohol makes me do really stupid things. I really don't want to put this in writing because telling someone (I have told no one as yet) what I did and putting it on paper/the internet makes it seem even more STUPID.

But here goes.....in late December I was on a tour in Cambodia. I had known my tour guide (Cambodian) for about a week and we got drunk together. Ended stupidly - he persisted even when I said no and I gave in to what I'm pretty sure was protected intercouse, but an unprotected blowjob and I swallowed. I also received cunninglingus and the next morning I noticed there was a small tear near my clitorus (due to rough, bad oral that wasn't even worth the risk).

I can't believe how stupid I was. I assumed oral sex was safe sex - I didn't realise it wasn't until I suddenly started worrying a few days later. I am still in touch with this man and he swears he is negative (but how am I supposed to believe him).

I am so angry about a lot of things....
Why wasn't I educated more about HIV in high school? I have a bachelor's degree now yet I didn't even think that oral sex was a risk.
It has now been 6 weeks since the incident occurred and I am going to go get tested for all STI's including HIV in a couple of days. I am absolutely TERRIFIED.

The only symptoms I have had were a sore tongue a few days after the incident (seemed more like an allergic reaction or a burn - lots of tiny blisters) and then a sore mouth and a mildly swollen tonsil about 3 weeks after the incident (due to travelling in Asia and drinking a lot, this could have been anything) and it only lasted a few days.

I now spend my days obsessing over HIV. I know I can't know for sure until I get the results but I already view myself as positive - it probably has to do with the guilt over this incident as well (I do not usually do such monumentally stupid things). I can't even enjoy time with friends anymore because I am constantly worrying about it - I don't know what I will do if I turn out to be positive. I just finished university and feel like I have completely ruined the rest of my life.

If this turns out okay, I will never ever put myself in a situation like that ever again. I will definitely not have sex again for a very long time and have really learnt my lesson.

I wish the travel health doctor I saw before I went away would have stressed this risk further. I didn't even think about it until after the act. I have started praying and I am not a religious person.

I understand the only thing I can do now is wait and get tested, but I just needed to get this story out as I have no one else to talk to about it.


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chrisbadmushroom
Guardian

Reged: 05/24/07
Posts: 380
Re: Obsessing after stupid encounters in Asia new
      #254779 - 03/12/11 11:09 AM

you have a better chance of being struck by lightning while riding a unicorn then getting HIV from the situation you described oral sex is pretty much a nonexistent risk I have never seen anyone who tested pos from a oral encounter

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Beeps
Newbie

Reged: 02/24/11
Posts: 4
Re: Obsessing after stupid encounters in Asia new
      #254792 - 03/14/11 12:57 AM

I have been where you are - anxiety about HIV after a stupid encounter. From what you have described, your chance of getting HIV is almost nil. It is good you are going to get tested soon. I hope your negative test will put a lot of your worries to rest. Many forumers have said this already - it is the mind, stress, anxiety that damages our immune system, not HIV. Stress and anxiety cause symptoms of immune deficiency, which are very similar to HIV symptoms. Once you get your negative test, thank God, and if you feel like it, give what you can to an AIDS research organization.

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anxiousmess
Newbie

Reged: 03/12/11
Posts: 3
Re: Obsessing after stupid encounters in Asia new
      #254793 - 03/14/11 04:36 AM

Thank you for your kind words. I am feeling a bit better these past 2 days - but my pessimistic and anxious nature means I'm the kind of person who thinks if I allow myself to hope everything is okay that I will just be disappointed - not a good thinking pattern but it's how I am.

I hope that this will at least serve as a learning experience for me - before this I had never even thought about the risk of HIV. Living in Australia, we feel so safe, but obviously we are not safe from HIV. I even had a 1.5 year relationship full of unprotected sex and never asked if he was clean or anything, from now on I will definitely be requesting test results before getting involved in a relationship again.

For someone as anxious and paranoid as myself, abstinence will probably be a good policy for a while! Fingers crossed for my tests

I will definitely be supporting HIV/AIDS research when I am in a financial position to do so!

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anxiousmess
Newbie

Reged: 03/12/11
Posts: 3
Re: Obsessing after stupid encounters in Asia new
      #255105 - 04/04/11 10:48 AM

Hi to anyone who is reading

I just got my 3 month test results back and they were negative, including negative result for every other STD under the sun. I thought I would walk away from the doctor's office feeling happy, but I felt the same....maybe its becasue I am honestly shocked that I could do such stupid things and get away with it, and becasue I am such an anxious person that I will not believe the result until I get a 6 month test. I think I will just try to forget about it for the sake of my mental health and have marked it in my diary to get retested in June.

Thank you again for your kind words.

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