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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

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5parkl3
Newbie

Reged: 10/29/10
Posts: 4
So worried - 3 month test next week post-PEP
      #253909 - 01/15/11 11:02 AM

Hi there,

I'm just hoping for some advice and support, as I have my 3-month test on Monday, and I'm going out of my mind.

I was sexually assaulted on 23rd October, and started taking PEP 15 hours later on 24th October, as although I was aware of one assailant, I had been drinking, and my memory has some gaps. Although the one perpetrator was white British/European, he was a stranger, so I do not know his HIV status. I received internal injuries from the assault, which left me bleeding, and external injuries on my body which drew blood, so I am terrified that if he was HIV+, I would be more likely to be infected.

Due to the gaps in my memory, I am worried sick that there could have been more than one assailant, especially from a high-risk group. The assault happened at a party in an abandoned church, when I was on my own looking for a toilet, so I can't ask my friends or anyone who was at the party if there were any people from high-risk groups there. The party was mainly British people in their 20s and 30s.

I went on PEP for the full 28 days - I was told that they wouldn't normally prescribe it based on my risk assessment, but because of the emotional state I was in, they thought it best for my mental health (I have OCD, and one of my main fears is HIV infection). I was on Truvada (1 daily) and Kaletra (2 twice daily), started at 15 hours post-potential-exposure but misread the instructions due to the state I was in, and only took 1 Kaletra tablet twice daily for the first three doses. I realised within the 72 hours, and started taking the correct does immediately when I realised. I spoke to my GUM clinic, and they told me that although it wasn't ideal, at least I had some medication inside me, and to try not to worry.

My 6-week test came back negative, but I was told that this was pretty much meaningless, as it was taken only 2 weeks after I finished the PEP. I have my 3-month post-potential-exposure on Monday, and am going out of my mind with worry. If this test comes back negative, then can I relax? I've heard conflicting reports that I should also test at 4 months post-exposure as I've taken the PEP, and then again at 6 months post-exposure.

I'm making myself ill with worry, and can't cope with another 3 months of this. If my results come back positive, then I will kill myself, as I can't bear the thought of being infected. I work a lot abroad, in countries where if you are HIV+ then you are denied entry, so my career, which I've worked so hard for, will be over. In addition, I want to get married and have kids - I can't allow myself to do that if I am HIV+, as I would be so scared of accidentally infecting the people that I love. I know how HIV is transmitted, but my OCD would make my life hell with worry about infecting others, that I wouldn't be able to take it.

What do you think about my chances for being HIV+? I know that no one can give me the 100% reassurance that I need, but I feel so alone and would really appreciate your help.

Thank you for your time.

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needsupport2
Member

Reged: 01/15/11
Posts: 16
Loc: Canada
Re: So worried - 3 month test next week post-PEP new
      #253912 - 01/15/11 01:58 PM

Hi 5parkl3,

I can't say I know how you're feeling, but I have an idea. I am currently awaiting the 3 month testing date too. It really is so hard. The only thing that gives me comfort is feeling that God loves me and will guide me through anything. I am not religious at all, but it has helped me to think that I am loved by a greater being and to try and trust in that.

I'll admit, it is hard not to think about the potential results or what they would mean to your life. I understand that aspect of it. Try to remember that what happened to you wasn't your fault, you weren't in control of that situation and unfortunately you can't be in control of this one either. Sometimes with surrender comes peace.

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