The fear of HIV...please help - TheBody.com's Bulletin Boards

I posted here several months back about a situation that I put myself into. Now, I am writing to see where I need to turn to. I was hoping time would take care of things, but I don't think that it will and I was wondering where to turn next. Let me give a little background of my story.
One night in the middle of July, I was on-line and I ended up going to a motel room to get a blow-job from a from another male, a complete stranger that I did not know. This was not the first time that I had oral performed on me by another male..in fact, I am OK with another male performing oral on me. What bothered me after this encounter was that I allowed a complete stranger to blow me this time. The other times it was by the SAME PERSON who I had known for a while and I knew his HIV status. So, in reality, I have only had 1 male blow me before that night. When I was with him, I only want oral..I have no desire to do anything else nor would I do anything else.
After leaving the motel room after getting blown by the complete stranger, I freaked out. I was scared to death and freaked out about getting HIV from what happened. Well, upon doing some research and checking things out, I realized that GETTING a blow job, whether it be from a male or a female, is NOT a way to get HIV. In fact, in reading Ryan Kull and others, NO ONE has ever gotten infected with HIV this way. That helped ease my worries, but I was still convinced that I should be infected with HIV for making such a poor decision...going to a motel room to engage in sex acts with a complete stranger. For 12 weeks, I beat myself up over it...Could not believe that I did something like that...kept wanting to go back to that night when I was home at my computer and could have done a thousand other things than what I did.
Well, 12 weeks came and went and I went and got tested...even though I was told that I did not need one. The result came back negative, so I figured everything would go away and I would stop worrying because I was HIV- Unfortunately, that did not happen. I still thought about it and it still bothered me...that I made such a foolish decision. But as time went on, it did not bother me as much, but I still thought about it. Now, it seems like every little thing that happens to me gets me back into the worry cycle again. 2 events are what has done it:
1. I picked up a towel with blood on it (by mistake).
2. I shook hands with someone that is HIV+.
Both of these events have me worried about HIV again. The problem is, I never would have even considered HIV before the night of July 15. It would note even have entered my mind. Now, after these 2 events of the past few days, it is the first thing that entered my mind. I keep saying to myself,"I wish I never would have gone to that motel room. I can't believe that I did something so stupid and irresponsible. I know better than that."
I was brought up in a good family with good parents and friends, never got in trouble in school, got good grades, and now I am 28 and have a good job and just had my first house built. I am tired of constantly worrying about HIV. I don't want to live my life thinking and worrying about HIV. I just want my life and my psychological state back the way it was before July 15th, when the only things that I would think about and worry about was whether the Yankees would win or what colors to pick for my house. Now I worry and think about HIV.

Post Extras: Remind Me!