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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

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ex?WorryWart
Unregistered

One Step Forward...
      #25200 - 12/04/01 02:07 AM

and Two Steps Back.

I originally posted in early July, because I had a risky encounter with someone (I'm a male and I was the insertive partner in an unprotected act with another male).

Okay, three months later I tested negative. I was like, YEAH! GREAT. I resolved (?) not to be foolish again.

But friends, I am human. I goofed. I've had several unprotected (insertive) encounters as before, and ironically, whereas in the very first time I was really scared about what my test result would be, when I found out I was negative, I guess that emboldened me to be more carefree and subsequently, after these few unsafe encounters, I *HAVEN'T* had those strange "Window" type symptoms that stress and worry can take on your body.

Honestly I don't think I've been infected, but I have to draw on strength from somewhere, somehow. Please help me, why do I continue to do these unsafe acts?

I haven't done any receptive unprotected anal acts yet (THAT would be the killing blow) but still. I have to stop this stuff. Someone give me the strength and resolve to use condoms all the time for these encounters. This is getting out of hand.

ex? WorryWart



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: One Step Forward... new
      #25201 - 12/04/01 03:00 AM

do you use drugs or alcohol ?



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Shane
Unregistered

Re: One Step Forward... new
      #25203 - 12/04/01 10:13 AM

You're human and as human's we make mistakes...we must also learn to FORGIVE ourselves...as you must learn.

With that said, the odds are great that like the last time, you're negative....BUT you need to remember this anguish so that when you're negative again, you won't put yourself through the torment again.

The risk to your mental health is real and you need to take care of that...

Peace
Shane



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exWorryWart
Unregistered

Re: One Step Forward... new
      #25225 - 12/04/01 06:30 PM

Thanks Shane, and Anonymous, for responding! Shane: yeah, I guess I have to forgive myself. You spoke of the mental anguish. It's not really worth it (I have to remind myself). It's been just a couple of days after the unsafe act and already I am feeling my throats to check if they're swollen. I know that I am probably not infected but it's the gut reaction. And this is B.S.: I told myself before I wouldn't do it again and I did. *SIGH*.

Anonymous: no, I don't use drugs. Which is good. Yes, I do drink alcohol. I recall in the past, no matter how drunk I was, I'd somehow get the condom on before sex. This past weekend, I know it didn't happen. And that just tells myself, I'm letting my guard down and PUT IT UP AGAIN.

Well, in about 2.5 or 3 months I'm going to get another HIV test again to settle this again, just to be sure. But thanks for listening, guys.

exWorryWart



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: One Step Forward... new
      #25232 - 12/04/01 09:57 PM

You need to start being self disciplined. I dont understand how anyone could go through the Window period only to put themselves back in it. You need to stop having casual unsafe sex and be commited or limit yourself with one person who you trust especially since your gay. As a gay man you need to realize that the threat of HIV is much larger for you and you need to take the proper precautions and if that means limiting your sex partners to one then so be it. If you dont you will turn yourself into a statistic.



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