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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

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roma2010
All Star

Reged: 07/23/10
Posts: 85
im not speculating i know im infected
      #251665 - 08/16/10 07:45 PM

my face looks so skinny and i look and feel terribly ill, my tongue has a really thick white coat on it and i can see teeth marks on the side it also burns specially on the tip, i have numerous new moles and freckles on face, arms hands, and some on my legs i also saw a new freckle like on the head of my penis which i know i never had, have dermatofibromas on my back, i have raised skin on several spots on my hands that look like mosquito bites but usually go away at night when i wake up i don't see them anymore and is not my imagination i showed to my doctor and he said he didn't know what it was, i have a lot of white dots on my left arm, and also a big spot like two inches long that look as if i would've burnt myself but i didn't and that appear just a few days ago, i have a a white blotch on my left palm the size of a dime and it's been there for over a month, i have problems falling asleep i feel as if i had bug crawling inside my brain and i have repetitive thoughts in my brain and i can't stop it it's like my brain is working on its own i can't concentrate on anything usually if i drive for more than 20 minutes my head starts pounding really bad and hurts like hell, my eyes itch a lot and i feel pintching pain in them, i still have some nausea sometimes, i feel like im hungry but when i start to eat i feel full right away . i ask myself what could be causing this problems? and of course only a virus or some sort bacteria in the blood that's why i have the same skin problem in different spots if they were in just one spot i wouldn't worry but they are all over and of course only a virus or bacteria would travel this fast nothing else....besides when i slept with this chick i didn't even worry about stds because she seemed honest when i asked her about stds so i wasn't thinking about it, until i started feeling sick like over a month later my very very first symptom was a hot flash while i was having dinner one day and then i felt another one a few days later at work then i noticed a lot of pimples on my back right behind both my armpits but i didn't put much thought into it because i was feeling perfectly fine. so skin problems have been there since the very beggining..anyways i know im infected ..it sucks but i guess it was bound to happen sooner or later i have always had sex outside of my marriage except that this time i was very unlucky to have a condom breakage(the only one time that it broke) ...sucks..


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SRCHFRANS34
Fanatic

Reged: 09/20/09
Posts: 73
My try . . . . new
      #251666 - 08/16/10 09:48 PM

Ok Roma , you will need to continue testing , not because you have the virus ,but because you have the virus "jones'. Here's what you do , get yourself on some kind of anti-anxiety med. You cannot process anything with worried ,wandering mind .
This is first and non-negotiable , you need calming meds . Once you've done that , learn all you can about tests, their accuracy and which ones to take , start with the approved PCR RNA test , then the PCR DNA test, after these two become negative go onto the worried well forums and read others who've had symptoms that make your's seem like a bout of connect the dots that then disappear (A little "you don't have HIV humor" ) .
If by this point with meds and more tests you don't start to feel better it's time to see a mental health professional that you've been avoiding . All through this keep seeing a doctor to work through your symptoms .
Then you may want to go onto the forum for those recently infected and do some reading and perhaps communicating about what those who REALLY have HIV go through . A visit to an hiv clinic and talking with clients and /or counselors may do you some good .
The objective here is saturation with info , sites, knowledge , people, until you're so sick of it , and you will get sick of it , that you will just "have enough " .
It's opposite therapy , the gorging on the hiv world , reality will make you sick of it , when you reach 4-5-6- months and see that you are the only one still standing that's negative it'll sink in a bit more , realizations and FEELING are what you need , words won't do it , I know , been there done that . . .
BTW , your internal moral compass has got hold of your conscience and mind and that's understandable bro , it's how we all process our behavior . But guess what , doing bad things , acting ,talking "bad" does not always get punished , we've created this system in our human family that does not support reality . Millions are slaughtered all over the world , dictators torture, rape , murder and live lives of self indulgence , excess, taking all they can and no big hand comes down to crush them . Your guilt is not going to give you HIV no mater how many symptoms you have your body bring up , you had an episode and that's all it was , the moral police don't exist outside of you and were not watching , but you were .
Perhaps you should punish yourself in another way , what do you think is appropriate in your moral compass ? A month of volunteer work with a local charity , maybe donate to a woman's center ?
Hey ,either way stay on post , and let's work through this together with all the post readers , I'll be around , you be to ok ,....


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