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Reged: 01/26/10
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I was raped. Help?
      #249218 - 01/26/10 06:13 PM

Hello everyone. I'm extremely worried over something that happened a week ago.

I'm a male (bi), 21 years old and very inexperienced with gay sex.

So, In July I met a guy on the internet(sigh) and I finally decided to meet him on a in September –nothing happened that day between us. Then we met again on January 16 for dinner. After dinner we were in his car and decided to have sex. It was my first time being anally penetrated and he was big. (sorry, im so nervous I don't even know how to say this properly) And as soon as he went in, I felt so much pain that I tried to get away and he told me, to get on me side and it'll be better, so I did but again, the pain when he started penetrating me was too mch and i tried to push him away, but I couldn't because
a) I was in a very bad position
b) I was in terrible pain
c) he was stronger. So I was crying and begging him to stop but he wouldn't. I was finally able to kick him and he let go. When I sat up, I saw the condom was gone! It had slipped off when we got on our side and he had been penetrating me without it. I thought I was inside me, and i tried to see if it was there but it wasn't. I saw a little blood on my fingers, then I noticed that the condom was on the floor of the car.

I was really mad and got out of his car and walked home. Later on I began to be very worried, so I called him and begged him to tell me about his sexual activities. He confessed that he has guys whom he has regular sex with and sometimes he has sex with people he meets off the internet. He says that the last time he got tested was about a year and a half and he's never had an STD.

I know that my risk is estremely big because
a) a it was condomless
b) I bled so there was a lot of contact between his fluids and mine
c) it's been a long time since he got tested
d) he has a lot of unprotected sex

I'm dead worried! He says he feels fine, and he thinks he's clean. But I feel so anxious!!!! I've had suicide thoughts. I don't know if I'm going to be able to wait three months!.

Anyway, here are my questions:
1) would this be considered rape? I did consent to having sex in the first place, but then I didn't want it anymore!
2) When's the earliest I can get tested? I don't think I can wait three months and I heard that most people will test positive after 25 days if they're infected -is this true?

4)What's the earliest I can test for other STDs?
5) Do the facts that: he's older(37), he's rich, white and didn't come inside of me reduce the chances of me getting HIV? I know this is a stupid question, but I read somewhere that these reduce your risk.

I would really appreciate if you guys helped me with this. I'm so worried...Im constantly having mental break downs and emotional melt downs. Im a disaster since then. I haven't slept, eaten, ...i just need help... please everyone, help me!!!!!

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Re: I was raped. Help? new
      #249239 - 01/28/10 09:48 PM

I know what you are feeling. About 6 weeks ago I did something stupid and risky. I have been counting the days and have done daily research as to the accuracy of the test. I am not an expert but I believe at 25 days is the average. The test is pretty good at 6 weeks and 3 months to be safe. I've been counting the days and my 42 day is this Friday.

I didn't sleep for the first two weeks. I would start crying at work and would need to shut my door. I couldn't think about anything else. These are some of the things that helped me:

1. This site and the people on it are amazing. I've gotten so much comfort from it. There is some good information and knowing what to expect has helped me plan out what I shoul do. Knowledge about what to expect is a form of power.

2. Know there are people you and I have never met who care very much about us. There are people who will help us if we need it. Please consider me one of those people. I don't know if it's okay to do this but I would be glad to give you my e-mail address.

3. We should both we will be fine regardless of the outcome. I know the process won't be easy but with the right treatment we will come out of this okay.

4. Trust someone. This may be difficutl to confide in a friend but depending on where you live some cities have some excellent resources at no charge. One agency I know of in the city I live in provides free legal services to help decide how to proceed in a case like yours.

5. Know you are loved by your family, your friends, and for me a higher being. This may or may not apply to you depending on your religious beliefs.

I am assuming the worst but neither of us will know until we get tested. The worst part I know is the wait but try to focus on your life and the things that make it wonderful. There is nothing to do but wait until the test has a chance to be accurate. Our situations are different. You trusted someone whereas I made a decision. I feel for you and wish there was more I could do to help. You have to believe you are going to be fine. I know you will be so please have some comfort in knowing that.

Sorry for this long and rambiling message. I'll check in on this posting tomorrow to see how you are doing. Be well my friend. Trust in the angels around you or in this case the people who are here to help you.

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Reged: 01/26/10
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Re: I was raped. Help? new
      #249246 - 01/29/10 04:58 PM

Thanks for your words Bostontexguy
they were really comforting!
As of right now, I'm doing better. I forget about it and move one. But then, something reminds me of it and I need to run hide so nobody noticies my meltdowns.
But thanks for your words... you don't know how much you've helped me Today is FRIDAY! I will check back later to see how you did! later buddy

Thanks again...I'm wishing you the best!

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Reged: 09/10/09
Posts: 11
Re: I was raped. Help? new
      #249260 - 02/01/10 02:17 PM

I posted a response over the weekend but for some reason it didn't take. I tested this last Friday at the 6 week mark and it came back negative. I'll test again at the 3 month mark but feel comfortable with the results and am going with it. The emotions are hard to describe and I want to stay focused on what got me in the mess and how to deal with it going forward. I know if I don't get some help I'm going to repeat this.

I told you I would be here for you if you neede me and that still holds true. I'll be checking this site and will look for your postings to see how you are doing. I'll be glad to give you my e-mail address but it's up to you how you want to stay in touch.

Take care of yourself and I'll do what I can to help. There are people on here who are much better at this so reach out to them as well.

Much love and peace to you.

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