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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

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bloodinhereyes
Newbie

Reged: 11/07/09
Posts: 1
Scared/Nervous
      #248323 - 11/07/09 10:13 AM

I was sexually involved with my now ex-boyfriend in Sept and early Oct. I did not find out he was HIV+ until after the first time we had unprotected sex. He supposedly did not find out until a couple of days after, but looking back, it all seems VERY fishy to me.
I was caught up in love at first sight. We spoke of marriage, children, our future. We were soulmates. After we found out he was HIV+, we weighed our options of staying together or seperating. It only seemed natural we would stay together. If I became infected, no matter what, we would be together. It all happened very fast. We had unprotected sex 10+ more times (several while on my period) before he broke up with me. I was not what he wanted anymore. Now I am left alone, wondering if i am HIV+ and he won't return my phone calls. I was tested on Oct 1, shortly after we found out he was positive. I was negative. We tried condoms but he stated he "could not perform" in them. The instant he would put one on, he would fall limp which would then result in unprotected sex.
Since the last time we had unprotected sex, I've developed a yeast infection. I got my period for 7 days, average period is only 4-5 days, and i've been spotting everyday since my period ended on Oct. 30.
I'm scared. I am a single mom, I have 2 small children. He came into my life, told me the things I wanted to hear, then left as abruptly as he entered, with no contact since. How could someone treat another person like that?! After I put my health on the line for him?! Now I sit here and wait for the 6 week mark to get tested again. I'm in agony! I'm having panic attacks, thinking of the worst, thinking about my children not having their mom, thinking about how this one, short relationship could have changed my life forever. I can't sleep at night. I lie awake and worry. I'm depressed, can't function half the time. I'm miserable! Any advice? Any words of encouragment?? Anything would be appreciated!

Edited by bloodinhereyes (11/07/09 10:26 AM)

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