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sex with massage worker
#2355 - 04/04/00 09:08 PM
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I am worried sick. About 1 month ago,I had protected sex with an Asian massage worker here in the US. She used baby oil on the condom. This is so stupid. I feel like crying every day.I was unfaithful to my wife. I am so upset.I know I will have hiv when I get tested. I love my wife. We dated for 5yrs and have been married for 21/2.She does not like sex,and we have only had it 3 times. Why did I not just talk to her. I have really [censored] up. I will get tested when my time comes, but can anyone help me, or relate their experiences.
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Brian,
It sounds to me that you are in a low risk category. All of us here on this sight are extremely worried, regretful and guilty about our actions, but let's try not to let those actions rule our lives. If you read many of the other posts on this sight, you will see that your encounter was very low risk. I don't know what the effects of the baby oil would be on a condom, especially if it stayed on the entire encounter. If it did, then that is an ENCOURAGING thing. Your chances SIGNIFICANTLY decrease and many doctors on this sight may even say don't get tested. (See some of the posts from Dr. Rick) However, many of us know the anxiety, stress and feelings of worthlessness you are going through and they are evident by many of the postings. I would go get tested in order that you may start the healing process and to put your mind at ease. Regarding telling your wife, I would assume that is up to you. I told my fiancee of my indiscretion and she was more understanding than I could ever imagine. We are still having problems, but in my case, it was a huge relief to level with her. Others on this sight have not told their wives. I'm not judging which is correct, I'm simply stating that I beleive it is something you must figure out yourself. If you are a religous person, you may want to talk to your clergy. If not you may want to talk to a counselor. They would both be bound to confidentiality and offer advice. I will keep you in my prayers, as I do with many on this sight. Keep us posted and God Bless you. You can get through this!
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I am so freaked out because of the fact that oil can weaken the integrity of protection. I did call the CDC and they indicated that as long as it didn't break (it did not..contact for about 4 minutes), I should be okay. I am still scared shitless, as I should be. What I did is wrong, and I hope I haven't ruined my life...
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Hi. I can completely sympathize with your experience being in the same boat myself...the incident occured around 2 months ago and again was low risk (inserting finger into vagina and receiving oral sex) but the guilt is tearing me apart. Conselling really helped though..I really recommend it. The transmission questions on this site are useful as well. My course of action is too not have fullsex with my partner until after a test in 1 months time (this makes 3 months). It is a hard time though...VERY hard..go talk to someone..IT HELPS.
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Brian,
I understand your worries only too well (see my Nov. post as to why). You should gain some comfort out of the fact that you were in a situation that is regarded as being low risk (unlike me) and you did not report any of the common "primary" symptoms (I have had swollen lymph nodes in my neck for over 4 weeks now). All you can do now is wait until it is time to do the test and until then - hope and pray. Since I have found this site, I have included the people that post here in my prayers and - although I am not an overly religious person - that has calmed me down when I got a panic attack.
As to telling your loved one, I know that is a hard decision to make and I have (still am) driving myself crazy over that. Every person is different and it is difficult to predict how the partner will react. For myself, I have decided against it so that my little family can spend one last christmas together without this burden of me likely being hiv infected. So far, I have successfully avoided sex and I am EXTREMELY cautious when I play or cuddle with my kids. My wife is scared of infectious deseases as well and, combined with the truth as to how I got it, will probably leave me as a result. So, I might as well wait until I have proof of what I highly suspect in the form of a test result. My time is up early next month.
I keep my fingers crossed and pray for you and all of us who fear they might have hiv.
Michael
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I'll say it again, I am stressed because she used mineral oil which can cause a condom to deteriorate. It did not break, but I am freaked out about it weakening it to the point that microscopic holes developed. Yes condoms are safe..if used correctly...I feel so stupid...
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