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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

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shadesofgrey
Legend

Reged: 12/02/05
Posts: 724
okay i am a nut case
      #234006 - 11/28/07 04:43 PM

my test results from last week were undectable virus down to 50 copies , 42 percent cd4 and 717 cd4 count. My problem is why didnt the f////kin dr do the antibody test that i also wanted, he is an infectious disease specialist , he should know that it needs to follow up with an antibody test. so yesterday dragged my ass down to the health dept to get an antibody test, had 2 rapid and they were neg but wanted to do the elisa so i can forget this mess. trouble is it will take 4 weeks to get results. so now i am back where i started ,obsessing about every symptom. sorry to post this mess , but just needed so reassurance . i know the ocd is kicking in.

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shadesofgrey
Legend

Reged: 12/02/05
Posts: 724
Re: okay i am a nut case new
      #234008 - 11/28/07 07:21 PM

P S , you dont know how embarrass i am to have posted this. I have thought about it all week before posting and just had to throw it out there. i even got a time out on aidsmed.com,for questioning my results, how pathetic is that.

Edited by shadesofgrey (11/28/07 07:24 PM)

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Freaked_Ben
Member

Reged: 11/20/07
Posts: 20
Re: okay i am a nut case new
      #234009 - 11/28/07 08:15 PM

I don't think you have to worry about being a nut case, we all seem to be. I envy that you have two negatives already and are at the point where you can test and be pretty much positive on your results.

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shadesofgrey
Legend

Reged: 12/02/05
Posts: 724
Re: okay i am a nut case new
      #234012 - 11/28/07 08:41 PM

sorry to disagree with you ben but being this obssess is like a hell . i need to resolve this . i cant believe the dr didnt order the one test i really wanted, instead he orders a test that is not even suppose to be used for diagnostic value.(pcr)hope things get better with you.

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Florida69
Legend

Reged: 02/19/07
Posts: 541
Re: okay i am a nut case new
      #234015 - 11/28/07 09:20 PM

shades, he is a doctor.. You have to let him do his job.. Your tcells is great, and there is no virus in your system. YOU ARE NEGATIVE. Get out of here and live, stop this obsessing. You are going to make yourself crazy.. HUGS TO YOU.. D

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shadesofgrey
Legend

Reged: 12/02/05
Posts: 724
Re: okay i am a nut case new
      #234016 - 11/28/07 09:46 PM

thanks d.... for the the encouraging words. i had to take that blood test or else it would always be in the back of my mind. hugs back at you
shades

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vokz
Grand Master

Reged: 09/06/07
Posts: 164
Loc: London, UK
Re: okay i am a nut case new
      #234037 - 11/29/07 04:11 AM

Shades,

You said it yourself: YOUR DOCTOR IS THE INFECTIOUS DISEASES SPECIALIST .. and you arenít.

Both you and your doctor already know with cast-iron certainty that you are HIV antibody negative, so to give you another antibody test would in effect just have been a wasteful pandering to your obsessions and would have told you nothing new.

If, on the basis of the tests that have already been done, you canít accept that you were HIV-negative; then you arenít suddenly going to accept it on the basis of yet another pointless antibody test (of any kind).

You may kid yourself that such a test would finally convince you; but we all know (and so, if you are honest with yourself, do you), that in a few months you would have wanted another antibody test .. and then yet another.

What these additional tests do is give you the opportunity to approach the acceptance of your negative status from a whole new angle.

In addition to knowing that you are not HIV antibody positive, you now also know:

1 - you do not have an undetectced HIV infection

2 Ė you aren't, for some unexplained reason, failing to produce HIV antibodies

3 Ė you have a healthy and fully functional immune system

Ö this, all added together, meaning that it is quite simply impossible for you to be suffering from any of the exceptionally rare conditions that would have allowed an HIV infection to go otherwise undetected by the usual diagnostic procedures (the ones you are complaining your doctor didn't give you again).

What your doctor has done is give you something far more conclusive (than what you are complaining about him not doing) and has demonstrated that you quite simply couldnít be more conclusively HIV-negative .. and that the situations that would have rendered any diagnostic test unreliable have been totally eliminated.

There is no room for exceptions. If you canít accept it now, then you have to be looking somewhere other than infectious diseases for you answers.

Shades, I really like you, but you are f*cking with your own mind and you really need to stop looking for reasons to blame other people (especially the ones who are trying to help you) for you own inability to accept such irrefutable proof.


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shadesofgrey
Legend

Reged: 12/02/05
Posts: 724
Re: okay i am a nut case new
      #234040 - 11/29/07 10:10 AM

vokz thanks you for the detailed reality, i think most of this is stemming from depression , i just read so much on line with the rapid test that there are false negatives that it fed into my insecurities. I will try to put this all behind me, Once again thank you for taking the time to give me a cyber slap(lol)
shades

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mike2007
Regular

Reged: 10/17/07
Posts: 27
Re: okay i am a nut case new
      #234046 - 11/29/07 10:37 AM

Shades...you have answered some of my posts trying to give me some comfort in my waiting dillema. You seem like a nice guy...but I have to tell you that you are scaring the hell out of me now. I tested at 6 weeks and again just 3 days ago at 8 weeks with the rapid test and tested negative. I am now waiting to test again at 13 weeks to hopefully get another neg result and try to put this behind me. But...reading posts like yours questioning the rapid tests are not making me feel very good! You are casting doubts in my mind now about believing my results. What have you read online that doesn't seem to give you confidence in the rapid tests? I am trying to feel good here about my neg results so far...and now I don't know!

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shadesofgrey
Legend

Reged: 12/02/05
Posts: 724
Re: okay i am a nut case new
      #234047 - 11/29/07 11:23 AM

sorry about the scare. i am looking at the 99.6 percent sensitivity and wishing it was 100 percent but nothing in this world is. dont go by what i think, as its not very rational, i am also questioning a pcr test so go figure. once again, take the advice of more level headed people on this board and not someone who is in the throes of depression and ocd episodes

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mike2007
Regular

Reged: 10/17/07
Posts: 27
Re: okay i am a nut case new
      #234048 - 11/29/07 11:57 AM

I completely understand where you are coming from shades. I have been doing nothing but freaking out over this too. It has consumed my life! I am praying for another negative result at 13 weeks, but I already know that I will have to retest again at 6 months because it will still be eating away at me. I think my biggest problem is that I can't explain to myself why all the symptoms I got magically started 4 days after a risky encounter. Fever, night sweats, muscle aches arms & legs, and a sudden weight drop of 3 lbs. in 1 day. All this started on day 4 after encounter. So I am obviously very happy testing neg at 8 weeks so far because I feel, hope that it's a good indicator of the final result...but I still can't explain what happened to me.

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shadesofgrey
Legend

Reged: 12/02/05
Posts: 724
Re: okay i am a nut case new
      #234059 - 11/29/07 09:24 PM

your weight will flucuate during the day, i can lose 3 lbs by just going to the bathroom<LOL but i know how the worried mind works since mine is going into overtime , believe it or not but florida 69 and vokz knocked some sense into me, i just go back and read what they told me, i t helps. be well my friend and if i get nervous enough i can have night sweats with no problems

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