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Reged: 03/13/07
Posts: 2
husband wanted anal sex
      #225867 - 03/13/07 03:48 AM

When I was married to my husband, (I am divorced now)
all he wanted was anal sex. He would not listen to my desires when I expressed them and I didn't like having anal sex. He was my first sexual partner and I was very naive and didn't know how to express my desires anyway, thats why I let him take advantage of me.

Could my husband have been gay, and does the fact that he only wanted anal sex mean that he's had lots of that before, or that he could have cheated on me?

I know I am in a high risk group because of this, but the stress of having to recover from this abusive marriage has been too much and I don't want to add an HIV diagnosis to it.

I assume that having anal sex and shooting up are 2 of the highest possible risk activities.

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Reged: 03/21/05
Posts: 846
Re: husband wanted anal sex new
      #225875 - 03/13/07 04:57 PM

Sungirl, ..... I am sorry for all you will have to recover from your marriage. You're right, you have enough to deal with on your plate, until your strength and self esteem are strong enough, I wouldnt worry about a test right now. Some people may jump all over my response saying "just do it", but I have been in your shoes...... if/when you dont feel good about yourself, you'll only be ready when YOU are ready.

But, to put your mind at some comfort, because he always wanted anal sex does not have to mean that this is sex he has had with men in the past. AND it only makes it a higher risk IF the other individual HAS hiv. So please try to put your fears at ease, adn DO keep us posted from time to time on how you are doing

love and prayers,

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Reged: 09/08/05
Posts: 1091
Loc: kansas
Re: husband wanted anal sex new
      #225881 - 03/13/07 09:18 PM

i agree with deb. the last thing you need to think about is a "what if". heel yourself first, emotionally, then take the time to go get a test.
my ex on occassion wanted to have anal sex. he was not by no means gay. he said that it was tighter... need i say more. unfortunately at that time we did not know he had hiv and i assume that is how i contracted it, due to the fact i bled and tore. we are divorced now, kinda. long story. it is hard sometimes to deal with it, but it does not change anything about me.
things will get better for you.... i am sure of it.
love and prayers,

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New User

Reged: 03/13/07
Posts: 2
Re: husband wanted anal sex new
      #225916 - 03/14/07 08:37 PM

Thanks to both of you for your replies. I don't plan on becoming intimate or even dating right now, so I am going to wait to get an HIv test.
There is more to the story that i didn't share in my first post

He did give me Herpes.

Thats what I got for practicing abstinence until marriage, an STD. Which does prove that getting an STD is not about promiscuity or doing anything bad, it just happens.
STD's happen to the just and the unjust.

I am reading everything I can about HIV before I take my test, so I'll be prepared to handle any news I get.

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