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Striker
Unregistered

Need some help myself here(long)
      #22069 - 09/07/01 09:30 PM

Hi all, I'm in of need of some support myself. This is going to be little lengthy so my apologies in advance here. On June 16th, I had protected sex with a girl in a massage parlor. I thought all was good afterward and was feeling even better when we talked a little and I expressed my paranoia about STDs and HIV and she told me that she was clean and was tested every 3 months. When I got home though, I discovered a small red spot on the top part of the shaft of my penis towards the base. As I looked, I discovered to my horror that the skin was slightly broken. No blood or anything, but nontheless a small flesh wound. Ok, I was worried here, but I didn't freak. I was knowledgable from one other scare that I had before, so I pushed this out of mind of mine and went on.

So, fast forward to about August 13th and not thought about since then really. I notice this day that I have a slight fever. About 99.2 or something like that. I didn't sleep well for the next couple of nights because this fever would come up some during the night. I finally go to the doc and he checks me out. Nothing. No swollen nodes or anything, but still this fever which seems to come and go during the day/night. He does a CBC blood test and it all looks good. No abnormalities of any kind. Well, the next week no change. I go back for a second time and he does a second CBC blood test. During this visit, I remind him about this encounter and what happened and his words were, "That's the furthest thing from my mind." Also, CBC came back ok. Hardly any changes from the CBC the week before. Ok, so the next week which was last week and I'm starting to worry because of this. Still this same weird fever which never gets above like 99.6 and now my neck's bothering me like swollen glands plus a slightly sore throat. I go to see him right before Labor Day weekend and he gives me antibiotics to last till after the holiday. Still doc says no swollen glands and he doesn't see a sore throat, but says he still thinks its viral(always what you want to hear right?)

Well, thought I was getting better, but still these odd symptons this week. Only now I'm getting weird pains in the groin area which I am now wondering is lymph nodes swelling and my left armpit is bothering me too like it feels like the muscle has been overworked. I'm not sure if it's swollen. Might be, and the right armpit doesn't seem to be at all. Finally, the occurence of the fever is much less, but still jumps up occasionly to the 99.5 area.

Ok, so that's the big story. Now, I am sure that I've stressed about this. No doubt about it. I'm sure that some of these things have been caused by my own stress. I've read so much stuff here and everywhere on ARS symptons, duration of symptons, when you normally get ARS and all that stuff. There is at least half of me that is really convinced that I am not HIV+ and these are not ARS symptons. Stuff like ARS is usually between 2-4 weeks, duration is normally at the most 2 weeks, and fever is normally 101.5 or higher say that this can't be it. Plus the fact that this girl says doesn't have HIV and that I don't know for sure that little break come into contact with HIV infected vaginal fluids says that this is low risk, and if it did was it that 1 in 500 chance. Finally, my doctor saying he isn't even considering my little incident possible in all my oddball symptons here.

So, why can I let this go? These symptons just don't seem to be going away and I partially keep wondering if maybe I'm that one person who isn't average. The evidence seems pretty overwhelming that it didn't happen. Even some of my earlier posts here have responses that say low or no risk. But right now for instance, right below my ears and running straight down are kinda of hurting some. It comes and goes, but nonetheless the pain is real. My doctor's tired of seeing me I think b/c he doesn't see a thing wrong with me which is something that scares me. How many doctors have dismissed symptons like this when it could be HIV?

I don't know really everyone. I know that testing is the only answer, and I am at point to test and be conclusive, but I am scared of that little bitty chance that it might be. I've read all these posts here about how people have exactly had the symptons of ARS, but it turned out to be nothing. Right now though I need some reassurance and hope here. I feel for all of us here in our time of need and I will continue to try and help all of you as you have helped me so graciously. Thanks.



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Need some help myself here(long) new
      #22071 - 09/07/01 09:45 PM

you had protected sex! Relax.
you can have all the red spots you want it was covered, also just to mention that 1/500 is a combined avg of male and females who did not use protection. In all the studies (4) I have seen where protection is used there have been 0 infections where condom use is confirmed.
Try to relax Striker,you have helped quite a few people here and deserve to help yourself so here is my advice : stay away from this sight for a while, even if its just the weekend and there aren't a lot of post then anyway, but try to stay away the constant looking at posts and symptoms does not help you or anyone for that matter.
good luck,
E=




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Your Friend
Unregistered

Re: Need some help myself here(long) new
      #22072 - 09/07/01 09:48 PM

Hello Striker:

First, dont worry much about it. I know you are HIV negative, not just because I have a strong faith and I have asked God for all of my friends her but becaues I have passed the same and talked to 3 different urologists, an infectologist and a psiquiatrist (all of the best level possible). Just imagine, my case is unprotected vaginal sex with a sexworker (female). My doctors (ALL) doesnt want me to test. I j¿tested at 6-5 weeks (negative) but I still insist. Still all the doctors are telling me that I dont have to take a test, even my urologists are working on me for fertility problems. Last week I ask my doctor again and he told me NOT to test again. (sincerely I will make a test next week, my 3 months conclusive mexican test and after that I will forget all this but not my friends here)

So, think that you use a condom. You are NOT HIV positive.

But your mind is going to keep you alert, so take a test at three month. You are going to get HIV negative result and your mind is going to be at peace.

God bless you and dont forget to post your test results and your advice to all the others who are scared.

We are HIV negative



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Need some help myself here(long) new
      #22073 - 09/07/01 09:49 PM

oh yes I also read that Dr.holidny in the viral load section has stated that the typical temperature he has seen associated with ars is 101.5 and most doctors do not consider anything under 100 to be a temperature anyway.
have a great weekend,
E=



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Need some help myself here(long) new
      #22074 - 09/07/01 09:57 PM

You're fine as far as HIV is concerned, but I was reading in between the lines of your post. You've had a scare before, and you were scared immediately after this episode (which was protected, mind you); and you found the entrance route to confirm your greatest fears! You need to ask yourself why you think you deserve to have HIV. Is it possible that your behavior is conflicting with religious/moral beliefs? My gut tells me yes. You are so highly tuned into your body right now, that every day, normal changes that you would never notice are now becoming flashing red lights! You don't deserve HIV. If you were having unprotected receptive anal sex with a lot of partners, I would tell you that you are at a high risk. However, protected sex with a person of unknown status if as close to no risk as you're going to get. You played it safe - pat yourself on the back for doing so. And, if your behavior is going to cause you this much anxiety, you may want to seek counseling and look a bit deeper at what's going on. Good luck!



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Striker
Unregistered

Re: Need some help myself here(long) new
      #22084 - 09/07/01 11:32 PM

First, thank you for you comments. They definitely help. A comment for you though. I truly don't think that I deserve to have HIV. I never have. I don't believe anyone does least of all myself. My first scare was very odd. Basically a stripper was giving me a lap dance(and a little oral) and tried to give me a little more than I bargained for which resulted in like a quick 10 seconds of unprotected sex. I had no idea that she was going to do it and I never ever have sex without a condom. After that incident, I said that I had learned my lesson and I would be doubly careful when I had sex again. This time around I thought it would be ok since I was prepared. This girl does seem clean at least. I don't consider her a dirty sex worker, but can't say that she's clean since I don't know how many people she does and doesn't sleep with and any possible exposure from those times. My anxiety in this case was from the broken skin that may have been exposed. If I had not had that broken skin, there would be no issue here at all and I would not be posting to the board. I agree that my behavior was a problem and I can only say one good thing about this which is that I have really looked hard at myself and my sexual activity(the little that I have had) and what is now acceptable to me. At this point, I just want to stop having these odd symptons that are a constant reminder my stupdity. I'm sure you understand. Again, thanks for your support.



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Your Friend
Unregistered

Re: Need some help myself here(long) new
      #22085 - 09/07/01 11:37 PM

Your Friend, thank you. I have read many of your posts to to the poor souls here. Not only do you give good information, but you a wonderful person. Your positiveness and your faith are inspiring.

God bless you and may you soon be able to put your nightmare to rest too. :-)



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Striker
Unregistered

Whoops, the above post was made by Striker, not YF new
      #22086 - 09/07/01 11:39 PM

Sorry, brain not functioning tonight. :-)



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Striker
Unregistered

Re: Need some help myself here(long) new
      #22087 - 09/07/01 11:49 PM

Thanks for kind words! Just to clarify, the red spot was slightly broken skin that *might* have been exposed which is why I've been freaking over this.

I appreciate your advice about staying away, but honestly, being here has helped. As people have posted here, it's been nice to be able to help relieve some of their anxiety which in turn seems to help mine some. Somehow telling other people about what is and isn't true concerning HIV has made it much easier for me to believe that I don't have HIV. That and to be able to read what some people like JO1 have written about their feelings during their time have made me feel much less alone. I probably won't be here as much this weekend, but if someone needs some help, I'll be around.



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Need some help myself here(long) new
      #22093 - 09/08/01 10:11 AM

understood and I hear you but the fact remains the broken skin was covered so you should be ok.
I myself have a tendency to frequent sex workers (not as much after my scare) always protected and yet there is a guilt associated with it even though I really feel that it is ok to do so. Our minds are very powerful aren't they?
Isn't it amazing how we can give out great advice but not use it ourselves? You used protection ,it stayed intact and you are not sure of her status(which may well be negative).
you seem very smart, do the math (you already know the answer).
E=



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Need some help myself here(long) new
      #22097 - 09/08/01 03:45 PM

You talked to the girl about HIV before you even discovered the broken skin; so it appears that it was an issue with you - even after your protected sex. I'm not going to split hairs with you, but your small abrasion was not an entry route - you had protected sex. I understand your fear; believe me, I have been there. But, you need to remind yourself that you just can't get HIV from what you described. Even if this lady was HIV+, you are fine. And, I'm glad that you don't think you deserve HIV, but what puzzles me is, WHY are you obsessing on this, then?



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Striker
Unregistered

Re: Need some help myself here(long) new
      #22106 - 09/08/01 10:42 PM

True, true. I have found that it is an issue for me when I sleep with any girl whom I do not know very well as was the case here. I do not normally do one night stands, or sex in massage parlor like this, but I did. What I have found out is that HIV is a big issue for me and that I can't do this to myself anymore. I thought I could handle it, but I can't. The self gratification is truly not worth it.

I appreciate your sureness on the abrasion issue. My paranoia comes from the possibility that the abrasion could have been an entry point into my bloodstream for HIV if she had been infected. In all the stuff that I have read, it always says a cut or an abrasion or mucous membranes. It doesn't say how big, how small, or whatever. I have since gathered that this seems to mean any opening that has access to the bloodstream. My broken skin wasn't bleeding, but I still wonder if it could have provided access since I'm not 100% sure that it was protected. I just know that the broken skin was not there when I started and that it probably was the condom rubbing the skin. Now, as I pointed out in my original posts, the odds are very, very low that this happened. But, the fact remains that I've been having some symptons for 3 weeks now that seem like ARS and are unexplainable by my doctor. Put that in with my natural anxiety, and my reading on ARS and all and you can see where my fear(or obession) comes from.

It's funny that you say that I need to remind myself that I can't get HIV this way because that's actually what I am looking for from all you great people here. It's almost too funny because I've got these pains which I wonder are lymph nodes maybe and this low fever that seems to come and go, and etc. And if they went away, I'd never think about it again. But, they're not and I'm just not sure that it's all stress, but I won't say that it isn't either.

So, that's my thoughts. But, as I said, you all help a lot. 3 weeks ago, I was sure. Today, I really don't think so, but still have a little doubt. Your messages help me a lot. Thanks again for the support. :-)



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