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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

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veryconcerned
Unregistered

My potential HIV nightmare?
      #21941 - 09/05/01 08:39 PM

I will try not to make this too long, but I cannot guarantee it. What follows is my potentinal exposure to HIV and the nightmare I am living since:
I just found this site from a friend of mine who told me that this is one of the best sites around for help, moral support, and advice. And I could sure use some.

I am a 22 year-old college student who is going to school to be a CPA (my dream since I was 10). I only have 2 semesters left and already have possible job offers when/if I get finished with school. Everything in my life was going great and all my family/friends were very proud of me and my success in school. Then, one night during the latter stages of July (I think it was July 21 or 22) everything changed.

I have not had many sexual partners in my life (only 4 or 5) and I have always practiced safe sex. The fear of HIV and other STDs has always worried me, although I admit I was not the most educated person as far as that goes. After a stressful week of studying, I decided to go on-line. I ended up in a gay chat room, even though I am not gay. However, I have had fantasies of what it would be like to have a sexual encounter with another male. When I got to a room that was in my general area close to where I live, I became interested. To make a long story short, I ended up deciding to go to a motel room to have sex with someone that I was chatting with. He assured me that I had nothing to worry about as far as HIV goes, and I believed him. I never had any reservations about going so I said, "what the heck." "I have fantasized about having sex with another man, and here is my chance." So I got in my vehicle and went. Once I got there, he was ready for me. So for about 5 minutes, he performed oral sex on me (I did not have a condom on). I did ejaculate, but it was not completely in his mouth. Once he finished, we were getting ready to have anal sex when I finally realized what I was doing. I quickly dressed and and left. Ever since then, my life has been an emotional and psychological nightmare. I have been thinking about that night ever since it happened. I realize that I have no one to blame but myself and that no one forced me to go to that room that night. But the guilt of making such a poor decision and the possible consequences are still haunting me today. For the most part, I have always made good decisions in my life and that is why this is really bothering me.
I can't believe I put myself at risk for HIV. I have been so careful to practice safe sex and then one night I have a severe lack of judgement and then this. I guess I have a few questions that I hope some of you that may have been/or are in a similar situation may be able to help me answer:
1. I have been told by a few friends of mine that there have been no documented cases of HIV infection by just receiving oral sex. Is that true? I think my friends are just telling me that to ease my concerns.
2. They also told me that I would have to have an open sore/cut on my penis for transmission to be possible? What is exactly meant by an open cut/sore? Does open mean that it happened recently or a cut that has not completely healed?
3. They also said that he would have to have pretty bad gum disease or be bleeding perfusively in the mouth for me to be at risk for possible infection. Is that true?

As far as I know, I did not have any "open" cuts or sores on my penis and I am pretty sure that he did not have any blood in his mouth, as I did not see any on my gential area when he was done sucking, although I cannot be completely sure. My mind has convinced me that I am HIV positive, and that is a hard thing to deal with. Although I can say that the only thing that happened that night was that he performed oral sex on me...that is it.

Whether I need to or not, I want to take an HIV test. When is the earliest possible time to get tested? I have heard that 3-6 months is the time to get a test. I was wondering if I took an ELISA test at say, 8 weeks, if that would be a good idea and how confident I should be with a hopefully negative result.
I realize that there is nothing I can do to correct what was done, and if I somehow got the HIV virus, that I would deal with it with an open mind and fight like heck to keep the virus from getting me down. I also realize that counseling might be a good idea to help deal with the anxiety and guilt for what I have done. Getting back to classes has helped somewhat, although my studies have not been nearly as concentrated as they have been in the past. I think if my test comes back negative, that my anxiety and stress levels will go down tremendously.

Well, I apologize for writing so much, but I felt that I had to tell the whole story. I would appreciate advice from as many of you who may have gone through something like this or something similar to this. If given a second chance, I will NEVER do something like this again. I have learned my lesson. It is not worth it to go through this. I now sympathize with all of you out there that have been through something like this.

Thank you very much,
veryconcerned



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: My potential HIV nightmare? new
      #21942 - 09/05/01 09:25 PM

In 2 decades there have been NO documented cases of someone getting HIV from a BJ.



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: My potential HIV nightmare? new
      #21944 - 09/05/01 10:26 PM

If you did get HIV from recieving a blow job,you would be one in a million. The odds are so low its almost impossible, You dont even need to get tested unless you want to get this off your mind. I wish I was in your shoes because HIV would be the last thing on my mind



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: My potential HIV nightmare? new
      #21953 - 09/06/01 12:57 AM

You did not get HIV from what happened.



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: My potential HIV nightmare? new
      #21957 - 09/06/01 03:51 AM

Many people have the concern because they think somehow they will be punished. Stay away from all this nonsenses and back to your school. You can't get HIV by this way. Also, any std should show sign by now if and only is you really get it. However, if you are really concern, take a test at 12 weeks to ease your mind. I stress again, this is for your mind only but not needed in reality.



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: My potential HIV nightmare? new
      #22011 - 09/06/01 10:18 PM

You have NOTHING to worry about from this exposure. The key thing is how do you control your future desires. I suggest when the urge hits you, you MUST be in control of yourself to remember how you feel now. (You will get the urge again after this passes). Figure out what it is that will take you out of the mode and don't allow yourself to slip.

Take care,



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exWorryWart
Unregistered

Re: My potential HIV nightmare? new
      #22016 - 09/07/01 01:07 AM

Dear veryconcerned,

I can assure you that, should you take an HIV test, it will be HIV negative. Receiving a blowjob is SUCH a low low low low risk that it's almost impossible to get infected that way.

I hope you don't take offense at what I say but, I'm going to put a different spin on your dilemna. I would say, the guilt of doing a gay sex act is confusing and complicating the matter of worry about possible HIV infection. We have to separate the issues.

First is the possible exposure, again, I really don't think you have anything to worry about concerning this incident, and if it's going to ease your mind I encourage you to take an HIV test at 8 or 12 weeks.

The second thing is having done a sex act with a guy. First I have to commend you for having the courage to do so. The curiosity of doing it with another guy can be a BURNING one and applause to you for acting it out. The only thing now is that you do seem uncomfortable about doing it and, well, that is understandable.

If you do pursue having another encounter with a man, may I suggest you do anything at all which will put your mind at ease? Use a condom for oral sex, if it's going to put you at ease. Although you will probably be okay without one.

If anal sex enters the equation, though, please please PLEASE use a condom.

In all my experience as a gay man, I have had many sexual relations with men. The one rule I have had is, condoms always for anal sex, and I do consistently test HIV negative despite having performed (and received) oral sex from many other men. :)

Good luck, veryconcerned. I hope your mind can be at ease. I encourage you to take an HIV test if that will put you at ease. This Window period is very nasty in that your body may play lots of tricks on you. Part of the process to get out of it is having the relief of knowing a Negative test result. You'll get one.

All the best,
exWorryWart





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