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My 7 yr anxiety of contracting HIV
#214746 - 11/17/06 07:15 AM
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Hi there,
I have a had a fear of AIDS for the past 6 years. So bad that I could not study for my final exams. this fear is not due to unprotected casual sex or needles, Ive only had one partner in my life.I once had bad acne on my chest and back, and feared that by SOME CHANCE I might lean back on a seat on a train/bus with a fresh drop of blood on it. My acne was bad and often were close to bleeding, it was cystic acne. Of course I had a t-shirt on but feared it might go through my t-shirt. I developed this fear at age 18, and now am 25, I still have trouble and think about it all the time...even though my skin is healed now. I even went for an aids test when i was 18 yrs. But always fear I might have contracted it since then in public through my bad skin. I dont feel an AIDS test will help me because this fear comes from within and I will fear contracting it again afetr the test,even when I hear its negative. I know most say, what are the chances. but WHAT IF a fresh drop of blood did happen to be there and I did lean on it. My friends and everyone else says, why do you worry about it, no-one else does,doesnt that tell you something, but then again, they dont/didn have cystic ance with open wounds under there clothes. I need something to rid this fear forever.
Regards
D,
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taurusthecat
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Master
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Reged: 11/02/06
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Posts: 131
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Loc: Melbourne, Australia
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Maybe try this. If you wear a cotton t-shirt under everything you ever wear, there is no way anything will soak through that and whatever you have on over it. To be honest, your friends are completely right, but you need some sort of insurance policy in your own mind. Focus on how impossible it is for one drop of blood to soak into and through two layers of clothing. Get it into your head that it cannot ever happen. Then the other thing you can do is pay attention to what you are sitting and leaning on. You should be able to spot anything on the back of a seat before you sit. Check out what you are about to lean on beforehand every single time, before you sit down. Whenever I get up from a train seat or bus etc, I always look backwards and check to see if I have left anything on the seat or if anything has dropped out of my pocket because I lost something once and never wanted it to happen again. I do it every single time I get up from a seat in public and it's now automatic with me. So try doing the same thing, but before you sit down. Make it a habit, but I would have thought if you were so paranoid about this issue you would have been checking first already anyway. And wear two layers of clothes and then you can rule out it happening for ever. And good news about your acne healing, it must have been an awful experience.
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I'm like fake fruit...... I don't bruise that easy.
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Are you in counseling for your phobia?
You are correct another HIV test (there is no test for AIDS) will not help you. You just don't get infected in the way you imagine. Your problem isn't HIV, it's your overwhelming fear of HIV and that must be dealt with inside your own mind.
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thank you for the reply. Funny enough, I check EVERYTHING i sit on, I will not even lean back on seats on a train for example. Before I lean on a pole or even hold onto a pole with say my hand, I check my hand for cuts, and then check the pole for blood. I could go on about another 1000 over-paranoid things I do in public. And the thing is,my acne has cleared so it is really a psychological habit now that I need to rid. Thank you so much for your help. It really did help!
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100% :) Its like I am fully aware that it IS simply a phobia (an illusion), but I still manage to let it worry me, if that makes sense. I need to believe deep down that my phobia is not necessary and REAL and truely believe deep down that my worry is simply an illusion. It is a psycholgical habit which I have formed and have had it for so long that I've become obsessed with it. I think I need to change that habit. Thanks for all the help. Really appreciate it! You are most helpful. I will inform you of my progress.
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I am sorry that you have such big fears. It sounds like you have a problem with OCD. You really should seek out some counseling. I believe it really would help you a lot.
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I am sorry that you have such big fears. It sounds like you have a problem with OCD. You really should seek out some counseling. I believe it really would help you a lot.
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IT's important to talk with a professional about this. You are by no means the only one dealing with OCD. There is help.
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i also suffered from severe cystic acne and all i can tell you is that regardless if you lean back in the seat of a bus...HIV dies when exposed to air. and the only way to acquire HIV are through infected body fluids or blood. since you already had an HIV test and it was negative...take another to have peace of mind and rest assured.
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