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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

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LittleOne
Newbie

Reged: 08/07/01
Posts: 2
Financial Ruin
      #20512 - 08/07/01 04:03 PM

Hello, I have reading this board for about a year now trying to get the courage to get tested. I finally went to get tested but an now tryng to get up the nerve to go back for my results. I tested at an anonymous clinic near mu office.

I keep trying to prepare myslef for the news should I test positive which I know no matter how hard I try I will be unable to do. One of my biggest fears which seems so silly is whether a diagnosis of HIV or AIDS has to mean financial ruin? I make decent money but I have a very good benefit package which includes long term disability, short term disability, supplemental disability, and very good health insurance which my employer covers 100$.% I know is seems bizarre to worry about financies when I am thinking about my health but it just seems that it must be even harder to live with HIV when you have to face financial hardship as well. Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

Please do not think that I am totally shallow! I also worry about more emotional things such whether I may have infected my husband even though we have also practiced safer sex and how much this news would hurt my family. Sometimes, though, it just seems easier to focus on the financial aspects rather than the emotional aspects.

Any thoughts would be appreciated!

Thank you!

LittleOne



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Financial Ruin new
      #20513 - 08/07/01 04:40 PM

Dear LittleOne:

I suspect you will build the determination to find what is correct for yourself. However, until you make the step to receive your results you will continue to fear financial ruin unknowingly, and most importantly continue to fear what is available knowledge. Either scenario would prove best if you knew what you SHOULD be feeling. I assure you HIV is much easier to deal with if you talk with someone. Ultimately you will continue in life fearing the unknown, or you will wake up many years from today and have to deal with an illness that could have been treated successfully. Do you understand what I am saying? You are going to at some point have to deal with HIV...just take your time and do it when you feel comfortable, there is no rush as long as you are protecting yourself and others. I am a member of a serodiscordant couple, and fearing is no solution, but being comfortable and accepting either outcome is. Go get the results and take the appropriate steps to seek treatment, mentally, and if necessary, physically. Something inside me is telling me you have little to fear...I slept receptively with my partner numerous times unprotected before he tested + and I am still HIV- I wish you the best of luck...



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Financial Ruin new
      #20519 - 08/07/01 05:36 PM

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. I do agree that I need to do what is right which I get my results. It is kind of ironic because in my job, I work with some individuals who are living with HIV. Many of these men are vibrant men who are doing very well on their medications and living full lives. You had mentioned that I need to get my results when I feel comfortable or face the possible consequence of dealing with the disease in the future. Unfortunately, I do not believe I can wait that much longer to get my results. My potential exposures were aboutsix and seven years ago respectively so I feel that since I put off testing for a year, that I probably can not put off getting the results for another year. In addition, I am experiencing an issue which may be HIV related.

Anyways, I really appreciate your kind thoughts. I try to talk about this with my husband and although her is very sweet, he believes that he will be able to handle the results whatever they may be. But what he cannot handle is hypothesizing about things that are not yet a reality. My friends really wouldn't understand any of this. They barely understand what I do for a living because what I do is fairly "liberal" for lack of a better word. So I just thought it might be nice to hear from other people!

Thank you!

LittleOne



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Oops
Unregistered

Re: Financial Ruin new
      #20523 - 08/07/01 06:29 PM

Would you lose your job if your test came back positive? If not, it sounds like you already have the financial bases covered.

Regarding your husband, it sounds like he's pretty supportive. It also sounds like he needs you to go ahead and get your results (it's a guy thing, we do better when we know what we're dealing with.)

You've gotten tested, your husband is behind you - those are the hard issues, and you've already got them out of the way. Congratulations - from a lot of perspectives that puts you several steps ahead of the crowd.

Take care of your health, which at this point could also mean taking care of your husband's health to.

Good luck.



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LittleOne
Newbie

Reged: 08/07/01
Posts: 2
Re: Financial Ruin new
      #20570 - 08/08/01 11:49 AM

Thank you for your note. No, I would not lose my job should I test positive. I am lucky that I work in a very flexible work environment and with a boss who would be heartbroken if she was forced to let me go because of illness. I have made the tradeoff for a lower salary in exchange for better benefits and lifestyle. So, I guess I am luckier than some people who perhaps work in jobs which are not flexible or sympathetic to people who may have health issues.

In terms of my husband's health, we have also practiced safer sex. However, early in our relationship, we did have two condom breaks which concerns me. My husband is a good man who I thank God for every night before I fall asleep. I would be heartbroken should I test positive and then it turns out that I may have infected him.

I am working on trying to get the nerve to get my results. It just seems that I need to find one week where I have nothing pressing work or personal wise. I figured should I test positive, that the first week is probably the worst while you are attempting to adjust to the news and in the meantime, trying to obtain medical care.

Thank you again!

LittleOne



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