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Anonymous
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Mommy worried well
      #189216 - 05/03/06 12:09 PM

Some may say that I am a beyond worried well.
I separated from my husband, and we reunited. He said that he wasn't with anyone else, and got an HIV test done.
I was nursing my son, until I found out that my husband was having sex with other women, and I found some sites he used on our computer that makes me wonder if he is dating men as well. I had an HIV test done, as did my soon to be ex-husband (his second test), and he has since been deployed to Iraq. The test were done 3 months after we last had sex, and they were negative.
I am still worried that he could have given something to me, and I could have given it to my son in breastmilk. A few weeks after we reunited I had diarreah for several weeks and have had canker sores ever since. My lymph nodes are sowllen in my neck, and the doc thought it was mono, but a test said it wasn't.
A month after that my son became really sick... a huge canker sore in his mouth and swollen nodes. He didn't eat for almost a week, just nursed. His fever hovered around 100 or slightly higher the whole time. I know that kids get sick, but I am beside myself with worry. We quit nurising when I found out about my husband's infidelity, but I am afraid that he was infected when we did nurse.
Should I get a six month test? He is the only person I was with, and he tested neg on the military HIV test, and was deployed. Should I still be worried? I am terrified for my son and cry every night.
Please, please help me.


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jake_the_shake
All Star

Reged: 12/07/04
Posts: 98
Re: Mommy worried well new
      #189218 - 05/03/06 12:19 PM

"The test were done 3 months after we last had sex, and they were negative."

Then you don't have HIV - stop worrying. every reputable (and most non-reputable) HIV resource on the planet will tell you that 3 months is more than sufficient.

Your stress could be making your son sick - certainly more likley than having HIV - which neither of you have.

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ItsFaith
Legend

Reged: 10/17/05
Posts: 1329
Re: Mommy worried well new
      #189225 - 05/03/06 12:37 PM

Oh I'm so sorry that you are having such a horrible time right now. Not only the problesm with your marriage, but the fear that I know can be overwhelming. You tested negative at three months....you are negative. Most likely you had a terrible virus that you son got as well. As a baby he has your immunities, so if you weren't immune to it and got sick stands to reason that he wasn't immune to it either. Cancker sores are not uncommon when you are ill. Please try not to cry every night...hug your baby and enjoy him.

God Bless you both.

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Anonymous
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Re: Mommy worried well new
      #189228 - 05/03/06 12:40 PM

I wanted to edit this and add that I did see my son's doc when he was sick ,before I knew about my husband's affairs, and the doc said it was a virus. Now I'm worried abot HIV.
My son recently had to get stiches, and when we were at the ER, I brought up the subjec with the doctore, and he said that a 3month tst was definative, and saw no need to test my son.
I don't want to be a WW, but I don't know what to do if I had unknowlingly given this to my son. I feel a guilt that I can't even describe. I wish I would have known about my husband's lies.

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jake_the_shake
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Reged: 12/07/04
Posts: 98
Re: Mommy worried well new
      #189230 - 05/03/06 12:46 PM

you don't have HIV - don't direct your energy toward an illness you don't have. Be mad at your husband, or yourself, or your boss or the weather, but STOP WORRRYNIG ABOUT HIV.

You don't have it - go buy a mlkshake and simmer down.

30 years of HIV research vs. your hunch - guess what my money is on?

Serioulsy.

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ItsFaith
Legend

Reged: 10/17/05
Posts: 1329
Re: Mommy worried well new
      #189232 - 05/03/06 12:51 PM

There are so many viruses out there in everyday life that are just plain old run of the mill viruses. Not life threatening....just make you feel crappy! The ER doc told you no need to test...and that is the truth. Trust him. I think you are having a lot of trouble dealing with your husband's infidelity. Perhaps counseling would help. You have no reason to feel guilty...NONE. You did nothing wrong....you did not make your son sick....even if you had HIV (WHICH YOU DON'T) you didn't do anything wrong.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Mommy worried well new
      #189252 - 05/03/06 01:46 PM

I get it Jake.. I really do get what you are saying. If it were just myself I think I wouldn't be in this state of panic. But I feel as if I let my son down, that somehow I put him at risk b/c I tusted my husband blindly.
Thanks for the dose of reality though.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Mommy worried well new
      #189254 - 05/03/06 01:49 PM

I've read your responses to other people Faith, and I must say that you are such a sweet person. Thank you for your kindness.I will try and push this out of my head and deal with the other issues that I need to deal with now. Thanks again.

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jake_the_shake
All Star

Reged: 12/07/04
Posts: 98
Re: Mommy worried well new
      #189257 - 05/03/06 01:53 PM

your husband let him down.

people fear HIV because its seen as punishment for a "sin" whether that "sin" is promiscuity, or drug use or whatever.

Screw all that - we allow ourselves to weighed down by all this judeo-christian guilt and crap and it literally paralyzes us (exhibit A: you).

Of course YOU think you have HIV. You failed your son (your interpretation, not mine) and as such you should be punished.

Bullshit. Your husband failed him.

Let it go. You and your son have a crappy man in your life - which sucks. But you and your son are HIV-free - which is totally fucking awesome.

Go life go.

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ItsFaith
Legend

Reged: 10/17/05
Posts: 1329
Re: Mommy worried well new
      #189258 - 05/03/06 01:59 PM

You are more than welcome. You are right...you need to put this out of your head and deal with the other issues that are in front of you. But, you will be okay. Be sad, be angry, but don't be worried about HIV.

God Bless.

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