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Anxiety over test tomorrow
      #186197 - 04/12/06 11:16 PM

Hi All-

I have been obsessing over HIV for about 6 months now and I finally scheduled a test for tomorrow. I have been careless and not always practiced safe sex.

Although I always used the "pull-out" method and I never swallowed semen either(does that pose less of a risk?)

I never worried about it until my last boyfriend. Although he used to get tested frequently ( he was a professional body builder) when he stopped competeing he stopped testing and admitted to 2 sexual encounters without condoms besides me. While he is not worried I am terrified. I just need some encouragement or prayers. I can not sleep or stop crying and I have so much anxiety over this. If I am negative then I know it will change my life for the better because I have faced my mortality. If I am positive I fear I will be the one whose disease progresses rapidly and I will die without ever living. I am only 28 yrs old. I want to get married and have children. I know I am being irrational but these are the thoughts that go through your head. If I have HIV I have no one to blame but myself. And I can;t talk to any of my friends about this because I don;t know if they will understand. Sorry for the long post. thanks for listening to the rambling of a crazy person.


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Re: Anxiety over test tomorrow new
      #186199 - 04/12/06 11:30 PM

Crystal I hope it all goes well. We can all understand as we are going through similar emotions ourselves...At least you will know for sure in a few days.

I am a 30 yr old still only 13 days after my low risk exposure. Almost waiting for symptoms to appear. Going through hell in the meantime.

all the best for your test tomorrow

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Re: Anxiety over test tomorrow new
      #186206 - 04/12/06 11:56 PM

Crystal, all I can say is your not alone in these feelings at all.. They are perfectly normal. And yeah, intollerable, but you are moving along with your testing. Be proud of that... Don't take your mind down roads you need not go... Unknowns are just that. Why project yourself into the worst possible position. How about, reversing that.


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Re: Anxiety over test tomorrow new
      #186341 - 04/13/06 09:50 PM

Thanks for the positive thoughts guys. I had the test done today but now have to wait for the results. My doctor said Monday would be the soonest he may have the results. I guess I am just going to try to keep myself busy this weekend as best I can.


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