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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

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Reged: 03/13/01
Posts: 12
worrying myself sick!!
      #18265 - 06/07/01 03:59 PM

It's me again all. I am soooooo scared right now. My doctor told me that my results were due tomorrow but he told me to call Wednesday since many times the results come back quicker because we are only about 30 miles away from the lab that the testing is done. Well, it's now Thursday and the results are still pending. He told me to call later this evening or tomorrow afternoon. He said maybe the lab was backed up but I don't think so. I know that it takes more time for them to do a western blot. OH GOD....I'm sitting here shaking and crying right now.

I don't have a good feeling about this. I'm preparing myself for him to tell me that I'm positive. Why else would the results take longer than usual?? To add to this worry, one of my daughters came down with a stomach flu this past weekend and about 1 1/2 weeks ago I had to get a wisdom tooth extracted. I wanted to wait until I could take my 3 month antibody test but the pain was horrible. I was sooooo careful not to share any glasses, utensils or even to kiss my girls but what if she drank out of my water when I wasn't looking. They both did kiss me that night because I wasn't feeling well but I made sure it was on the cheek. I took her to the doctor since she had a high fever and stomach pains. He said that it was "probably" a stomach flu. mind has been spinning since.

Not only did I possibly screw up but I may have given one of my girls something? I can't stop shaking right now. Forgive me if I seem somewhat crazy right now but this has been the most difficult week of my life. Not only am I worried about my status but now I have added the pressure that I may have given HIV to my little girl.

I just needed to vent and get this off of my chest. I don't think that I have ever felt like this. At this point, even the negative PCR that I had at one month isn't offering much comfort. What if it was a false negative? What if they screwed it up?

Thank you all of letting me babble. I know that many of you understand what I'm feeling. PLEASE pray for me and my family as I have been praying for all of you. I'm so scared it's almost debilitating.

Thanks again!


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Reged: 06/06/01
Posts: 3
Re: worrying myself sick!! new
      #18267 - 06/07/01 05:00 PM


I just want you to know that I'm pulling for you. I'm thinking about you and keeping you in my prayers. I don't think that the reason your results are still not ready is because of a positive result. Take a deep breath count to 10 and try to relax. I know, I know...easier said then done. I know what your going through too with the fear of infecting your daughter. I was going through that too before. Oh God, she's coughing again, why is she still it something I did?

As very many wise and wonderful people on this board told me time and again, HIV is not easy to catch. I don't think the odds of your daughter catching it from drinking from your glass is that high at all. I'm not expert, not by any means, but I just wanted you to know I'm here for you, and I know you'll be fine.

Right now your mind is playing evil cruel tricks on you. Trust me, I know all about those stupid, silly mindgames.

Trust in yourself, you'll do fine.

Bev :)

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Re: worrying myself sick!! new
      #18269 - 06/07/01 06:08 PM

Just so you know, they made some sort of error in my paperwork at the clinic where i had my blood drawn and the lab where i had my test done. apparantly the clinic did not send a return address with my blood, so my results just sat there at the lab and they did not know where to return them to. because of the confidential nature of this testing, they had to resend my paperwork from the clinic in order for the lab to send my make a long story short..i waited 6 weeks for my negative results. my clinic even had the lab retest just to make sure of the results because it took so long...RELAX! Waiting a long time DOES NOT MEAN that your results are positive at all. these labs have a lot to do and they get backed up, just like most of us do at our jobs. Best of luck and let us know how it turns'll be fine!!!

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Reged: 03/13/01
Posts: 12
Re: worrying myself sick!! new
      #18271 - 06/07/01 06:42 PM

Thank you guys for the sane words that I needed to hear at this moment. I just was so upset by what the nurse said about the test results usually being in by now that I had no one to talk to about it and no where to vent. My first though was here because of all the love and support for everyone on this board. I also knew that I could vent and not be judged for anything I had to say.

Bev - thank you for understanding about my fear regarding my children. I'm an educated, mentally stable woman who has spiraled into this unrecognizable person with fears that take over. I have never had a panic attack until now. I know that either way this will be over. I must say though that the waiting for the results is the worst part of this ordeal. So thank you again. And.....CONGRATULATIONS on your negative result. I'm sure you must feel lighter without that stress on your shoulders. I am really happy for you. Prayers do work!

Thanks again to everyone reading the words of a lunatic earlier. I just had to let it out and I feel a bit better. I'll keep you guys posted.

Much love....


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