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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

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becks555
Newbie

Reged: 01/26/06
Posts: 6
EXTREME ANXIETY I CANT DEAL WITH THIS ANYMORE !!!
      #172184 - 01/29/06 01:12 AM

HI i am 18 year old , dad has full blown aids he had it for about 8 years. My anxiety of HIV/AIDS started about 6 months ago and it is getting worse as time goes by everyday. And now I am the point where I cant even go to fastfood places because i Don't trust the workers there and thinking that someone had possibly bled on my food. If i do order a food i check the napkins , bag , food of course to see if there is any red mark that could be blood. And if i see a something red that is defintely not from the food I will throw away no matter how much i paid for it. I wear gloves, pants, long sleeves anywhere i go even though temperature in my area these days are over 60. Reason why I am doing this is because I don't want to have any kind of body contact with anyone at all when Im either at crowed place or just walking around . When I get in line to buy something at a store, I would look closely to cashier's hand if they have cut or anything( I worry about this even when i am wearing gloves).

This is what it kills me the most, I can't really talk straight face to anyone because I fear that their spit might be mixed with the blood in their mouth and somehow get into my mucus membrane(motuh,nose, eyes ) So whenever I talk to other people i would keep a distance away from them make sure I don't get exposed to their any kind of bodily fluids. Funny thing is I know lot about HIV and still fear this issues. I know that HIV virus doesnt't live long outside the body, it needs to stay in the body for the virus to be alive, and i know that you can't get HIV by sweats,urine,tears,saliva, vomits unless its mixed with the blood. I also know that you can't get HIV by shaking hands with someone of couse unless someone who is HIV positive has a cut and bleeding into your cut.
I know that 3 most ways of transmission is through unprotected sex, drug injection, and hiv mothers breast feed to their babies. I know as much as HIV experts how HIV is transmittied. You have no idea how many times i have called a national aids hotline number whenever i worry about somethinng. Even though i know that they will give me the same facts all the time , I have to call them to ease my mind a little of whatever happend to me that freaked me out.

I have no idea how I will survive in the summer , because I will have to wear shorts and shirts. Right now I can;t live a single minute of my life without covering myself up with all the clothes and such. And of course I take clothes off when i sleep but i lock my door when i go to sleep cause i fear that my dad might get in my room to wake up when im sleeping and it is very possible that there could be skin contact when he is trying to wake me up.

I really really hate this life and have no idea if I can continue this, I've had enough incidents that freaked me out and got me worried. I am so sick and tired of being feeling this way everyday and not happy at all. I really hate HIV and wish there was no HIV in this world and killing all the innocent people. Gosh you guys have no idea how i live my daily life, I am so cautious and really aware of everything that is around me and what i do.

If i see anyone who is walking next to me coughing or whatever I would get away from them and I also think that my grandparenst have HIV too because they dont really know anything about HIV nor they know that my dad has AIDS. So especially my grandma try to hug my dad and eat his leftover food and all. I just think that she got it somehow from him. And there was one time when my dad was bleeding on his finger my grandma put a bandaid over him without wearing a latex gloves. So i just think that everyone in my family has gotten hiv from my dad and i stay away from all my family members. This is really killing me.
Please help me guys I am about second away from haning my self.
I really had enough of this, and I won't be able to live rest of my life normally and feeling crap all the time. And I will feel more miserable than those who actually have HIV.


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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: EXTREME ANXIETY I CANT DEAL WITH THIS ANYMORE new
      #172185 - 01/29/06 01:18 AM

I'm sorry that you are living a life filled with so much worry and anxiety. being an anxious person myself i understand how it feels, trust me. although it seems from your story that u might have it worse than me--anxiety, i mean. but your story sounds like you are taking it too far and from the sounds of things i think you really need to talk to a professional therapist about these fears that you have. there is a need to protect oneself when possible and to take **necessary** precautions. however, it seems like you are having irrational fears and being overly cautious about things that are not necessary. again, i would STONGLY enocourage you to talk to a counselor/therapist. i bet it could help. i hope so. good luck & best wishes.

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becks555
Newbie

Reged: 01/26/06
Posts: 6
Re: EXTREME ANXIETY I CANT DEAL WITH THIS ANYMORE new
      #172186 - 01/29/06 01:29 AM

thanks for your concern
I will defintely try to make an appoitnment with a therapist as soon as i can, But to tell you the truth i doubt that that could fix my problem.

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ravi
Legend

Reged: 11/19/05
Posts: 1148
Loc: Adelaide, Australia
Re: EXTREME ANXIETY I CANT DEAL WITH THIS ANYMORE !!! new
      #172195 - 01/29/06 08:41 AM

hi

regards from india

Your fears are unfounded Beck, perhaps you need to consider professional mental help..HIV shouldn't be your concern, simply because HIV is not transmitted through the route you describe.

Goodluck

--------------------
Take Care

God Bless you

Stay Well

Love Ravi

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shadesofgrey
Legend

Reged: 12/02/05
Posts: 724
Re: EXTREME ANXIETY I CANT DEAL WITH THIS ANYMORE new
      #172205 - 01/29/06 11:06 AM

please give the mental health counselor time to work with you, these problems you have wont be settle over nite, you seem like you are living a hell which is not needed but given the situation in your family has only added to these problems. love and peace

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becks555
Newbie

Reged: 01/26/06
Posts: 6
Re: EXTREME ANXIETY I CANT DEAL WITH THIS ANYMORE new
      #172210 - 01/29/06 11:38 AM

mental health counselor won't do a thing for problems I have right now. There is no solution of my problem only myself can fix this problem which I doubt it will ever be healed.
I really want to die right now, its so painful for me to live like this.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: EXTREME ANXIETY I CANT DEAL WITH THIS ANYMORE !!! new
      #172217 - 01/29/06 12:42 PM

HIV is just your fixation, but I think underlying anxiety is your problem. People with OCD fixate- some on germs- some on prayers. Probably all of them think that they can not be "fixed". It may take a long time with a professional- and medication could help. I'm not one to recommend meds for anxiety/depression right away- as I think they are ofter over-dispensed, but your case obviously is severe and I'd bet you'd benifit.
Please, you deserve to live life. Try seeking help fro ma professional. If you are convinced it won't help- try anyway, what really do you have to lose at this point?

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