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Reged: 12/18/05
Posts: 20
Loc: Texas
Depression & Insomnia
      #168090 - 12/29/05 05:39 AM

My current status is depression & Insomnia. I am on Day 38 from exposure. As I go to lay down, even though I must be exhausted, I do not sleep. After an hour or two of this, I take a Lunarest. I get 2-3 hours of sleep with the Lunarest (usually 1-4am). Without the Lunarest, I may not sleep a wink. What is my mind on? It is on the sore lymphs in my neck and armpits, my white tongue, my tingling lips and gums, the anal itching and those cheeks feeling like a pin cushion (just a handful of this months symptoms). My mind is also on my uninformed parents being proud of their son and on my altered perception of the future. My mind is on my scale that recently read in the 220's. Now I struggle to stay above 200 - a weight not seen in over 15 years. My mind is also focused on my stupidity. This may be the biggest key to keeping me up. After Magic in 1991, after the LA Porn Star positives in the 2004 story, how could I not have had this information on my mind when this girl from years ago came to visit. How could I have run so many mental stop signs that day? The shaking of my head at myself may be keeping my up as much as the symptoms. I will get another test soon in the 45-day range, although the only mystery in this appears to be only which week the anti-bodies become detectable. I have changed this month - from joyful to completely withdrawn. This also keeps me up at night.

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Reged: 12/21/05
Posts: 352
Re: Depression & Insomnia new
      #168106 - 12/29/05 02:11 PM

Dear Hal,
Before going over my personal analysis of your situation. Please read following words of wisdom from one of my friends who is positive. These few lines really helped me out last night to have a really good and deep sleep. I am sure she wouldn't have problem you reading these lines as I have taken personal information out. She is a great lady and is also helping out in this forum.
" we are all guilty of it and it is hard to teach old dogs new tricks, but in time you will see that things have a way of working out and in fact that you will learn that you can not change the past. you only have control of the future choices you make. let it go and don't make the same mistakes twice. then and only then will you learn to let go. "

"the only thing you can do is to keep faith and believe in your heart of hearts that everything is going to be ok. [....]. we all have regrets and things that we wish we could undo, but you can't change the past only the future. learn by the past. you need to find things to occupy your time. there are alot of great people here and they will always be here for you, pos or neg. try to think about things you want to do with your life and set goals. whether or not you are pos or neg, tomorrow is never promised, it is a gift that alot of people are never offered. enjoy today.......... "

Everytime i read this words, these are magical words for me which are very very true. WIth your situation here is my personal breakdown.
You are in much better shape than me. You have tested and you know it is negative by 29 days. I don't know anything at all. I have tested at 35 days and my test results will be available in 4 days.

Sleep Problem: Definite Anxiety. It is very important that you get as much rest as possible.( Ask doctor for anti-anxiety medication like Xanax. It had helped me to relax my nerves and helped me sleep at the same time. (just personal experience, I am not a doctor)
Sore Lymphs : Do you have sore throat? cough? canker sores? These causes sore lymphs and I am experiencing one right now too and I have canker sores.
White tongue: Thrush is different than having overall white tongue Here is the picture of a real thrush ( I thought I had thrush too but after looking at pics i determined mine definetly don't look like that. Even docs require culture to find definite thrush.
Weight Loss - Are you eating alright? I bet you aren't. The key is to eat properly and nutritious food. But with anxiety, it hardly seems possible.
Stupidity - Please read above from one of my friends of 'thebody'.

At the of luck and hang in tight there

-ve at 1, 2,3,7 mnths..Free of HIV and OCD now.THANKS to all the BEAUTIFULfriends at TheBody!

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Reged: 12/03/05
Posts: 724
Re: Depression & Insomnia new
      #168107 - 12/29/05 02:18 PM

Dear Hal. although most likely you are neg, i will say a prayer for a favorable result. axniety is one of the biggest killers in this country. love and peace

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