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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

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wellwisher
Unregistered

short story
      #16652 - 03/16/01 01:42 AM

during nov 2000, i had a one time encounter with a prostitute. 4 weeks later i went down with all sorts of problems.... sore throat, fever, fatigue, diarrhea, night sweats, dry cough etc. that lasted for more than a week. i then bumped into some info about ARS symptoms on the web and the next scene.... i was searching every possible website for info on symptoms and started comparing them with what i had. like all of u i went thru a terrible ordeal for a month. then at 9 weeks i had a negative ELISA and PCR DNA. i felt a little better, though i haven't hit the minimum window period of 12 weeks. around the same time i happened to have sex with a girl friend during which time the condom literally tore off. i knew that was a bad bad thing to happen, but didn't panic because of my negative results at 9 weeks. all was well until after two weeks, she was hit with a bout of recurring fever, severe cough, sore throat, malaise etc. etc. baaang !!! i was damn scared and dead sure that it must have been HIV.... coincidence can be once...but not twice. for days together i was gazing at the ceiling and repenting for what i had done !!

i didn't confess to my girl friend as i wasn't sure and didn't want to freak her out. after 16 weeks post exposure, today i got my results and they are guess what....negative !!!!!

all i want to say is that...please..please do not judge ur case by the symptoms. our mind is capable of phenomenal things and it can physically create all these symptoms if u start obsessing with them. i pray, pay no attention to all these things and just get tested. all along this ordeal, i have realized how important u are to ur dear ones. u r not only putting urself at risk but also the ones that love you. they do not deserve the pain we might cause to them. we owe it to all of them...parents, friends....whoever they are.

i wish each one of you is fine. infact i don't wish... i am sure each one of you is fine !!

god bless.



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Anonymous
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Re: short story new
      #16654 - 03/16/01 07:27 AM

Dear wellwisher,

i am reading your email and I can't stop crying. I am going through hell these last two months and I don't know what to do anymore. i have a relationship with the most wonderful man ever for 7 years, and never betrayed him. Then lately, a lot of changes in our lives (we moved back to Europe from San Francisco, quit my job, new life I don't have the energy to start. etc.) made me make the big mistake of trying a studpid adventure with somebody I don't know and who is likely at risk because of what i suppose is his very entertaining life. And the whole world crushed on me. After 2 weeks I had all the symptoms of seroconversion including swollen lymphnodes that don't want to leave me after 2 months and constant fever. I'm having a major depression, in a city I don't know anybody and I keep crying...that's all I can do. i feel so helpless and hopeless. My boyfriend knows all this and tries yto help me as much as he can, but I am here with this thought that I stupidly ruined our life. We wanted to have children this year. i have tested negative at week 8, but I am sick still. They found the antibodies of a certain parvovirus in my blood exam, but does not explain my previous symptoms and the swollen salivary glands, lymphnodes and fever.
I tried to ask for a HIV RNA test, but here in Paris they don't seem to do this anywhere.

I wish you were right, and we are all fine, but I have always been so unlucky in my life (these last 7 years had been a blessing), that I am sure i've got it.

Excuse me you all who are reading, but i don't know any more what to do, and where to look for help

Cris



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Jackie_Blue
Legend

Reged: 10/26/00
Posts: 2028
Re: short story new
      #16655 - 03/16/01 08:37 AM

Cris,

Take heart in the fact that each person who has found this board is sure they are infected and I can't remember the last time someone tested positive from this board.

You say you have been so unlucky in your life but yet the last 7 years have been a blessing. That's a long time.

You've had major changes in your life recently compounded by the worry about HIV infection and topped off with guilt. No wonder you are battling depression.

No matter how your test turns out you have not ruined your life. You are lucky that you have been able to tell your boyfriend and he is there to support you. So many people here have no one to talk to and have to face the waiting alone. It sounds like even if you were to test positive your boyfriend would still be right there with you. That counts for a lot. Many people don't have that.

I know when you are in the middle of all this it's so hard to remember the good in your life, but try to stay focused on it. The truth is at this point the odds are in your favor that you will test negative.
1) Even tho' you think he is a high risk, you don't know for sure.

2) You have an 8 week negative.

3) While someone can become infected from a one time act, it is not common.

4) Except for rarely causing a certain type of Anemia in people with Advance HIV, Parovirus doesn't have anything to do with HIV. It doesn't slow production of antibodies. It is not a sign of infection. It's like comparing apples to oranges.

5) The symptoms you have can be caused by many things. It could be from the Parovirus, could be from the depression and stress you are under. It isn't common for ARS symptoms to hang around for 2 months. They come and are gone in a short period of time. Remember people make themselves 'sick with worry' all the time. So many people have had all those symptoms and have tested negative, so having them does not mean you are infected. I kinda believe that the more symptoms people have and the longer the symptoms hang around the less chance a person is infected.

Let yourself work through all the emotions you are having, crying is a good release. However it sounds like a good mental health care provider that can help develop some coping skills to get you through this would be a real help.

Hang in there. You are over half way there. Just 4 weeks to go for a conclusive test.

J.







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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: short story new
      #16656 - 03/16/01 09:22 AM

Hang in there ..... and 8 week negative is awesome news! If you had those symptoms at two weeks after exposure, it's extremely likely that you would have developed antibodies 6 weeks later when you tested. I can totally relate to being convinced about HIV .... but the mind is an amazing thing. Just as a side note, I'm certain there would be somewhere in Paris where one could get a PCR - that is a fairly HIV-knowledgeable city! If a PCR is something you feel you need to do to restore yourself back to sanity, call Quest Diagnostics (their 800 number is on this post a few pages back) and they can possibly give you some good info. about the test in France. Best of luck.



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Cris
Unregistered

Cris to Jackie new
      #16657 - 03/16/01 09:27 AM

Dear Jackie,

thanks so much for all your kind words. I am sure you know how much they mean to me. I'll read and reread your mail to help me go through this with a little more courage and optimisim. If you don't mind, I might want to write you again. It's so good having somebody who understand what you are going through. Even if my boyfriend knows about this, he can't understand the mental overload i am experiencing. Thanks for taking the time to read and respond to my message. I hug you from the deepest of my heart. Thanks for what you are doing.

Cris



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TexGal
Master

Reged: 11/21/00
Posts: 139
Re: short story new
      #16659 - 03/16/01 09:58 AM

Thank you for sharing your story wellwisher. I can relate to that on so many levels.

Oh Cris...do I know what you are going through. During my waiting period, I cried so much while beating myself up for doing something stupid. Guess what? We are all human and not above making "mistakes". Actually, it's the mistakes that we make in life that we learn from the most. Without them, how would we grow as human beings?

You are extremely fortunate to have someone by your side during this very difficult time. It sounds like you can confide in him and vent your fear. You also have some extremely promising test results thus far. I have a feeling the results won't change for your 12 week test. You are almost through this. You have quite a bit on your plate right now without worrying about HIV. You have made some major life changes which is magnifying your anxiety. Take one day at a time and try to stay busy. Remember, you are not positive until a test says you are!

Jackie has already stated some wonderful things. Like she said, you must believe that the odds are on your side. Infection can happen one time but it is not very common. You have a negative 8 week antibody...very good news. Many credible resources state that an antibody test after 1 month is 90%-95% accurate. If you were actually going through ARS at 2 weeks, you antibody test should have been positive or indeterminate 6 weeks after since ARS is the process of your body producing antibodies to the virus.

Nothing we can say is going to ease the anxiety you are feeling, only a negative antibody test after 3 months will do that for you but please remember that we are all here for you and understand what you are feeling. You also have the strong shoulder of a very loving and understanding boyfriend and that alone, makes you an extremely lucky person. HIV or no HIV, many people go through their entire lives without having that type of love and relationship.

I know what helped me was a therapist and some antidepressants. You might want to give that a try. It works wonders. You will get through this and when you receive your negative 3 month results, tell your boyfriend and he gives you the biggest hug you have ever had, you will realize exactly how lucky you truly are.

Stay strong and we are here!

Tex




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Jackie_Blue
Legend

Reged: 10/26/00
Posts: 2028
Re: Cris to Jackie new
      #16660 - 03/16/01 10:05 AM

Cris,

If you register as a new user you can then use The Body's private message system. Feel free to message me anytime.

J.



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