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Anonymous
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Can't relax... and I know the facts!
      #165470 - 11/28/05 10:54 AM

Hi...

I recently became sexually active. And that's when I officially turned gay. Not the best thing to be this corner of the world... but I can't change that. The guy is now my boyfriend (if being secretive from the world can be a real relationship).

Anyway, we've only had oral sex. As in... he's given ME oral a bunch of times. After the first time, a day later, I got BAD flu (antibiotics and stuff). I know that can't be ARS. I wasn't even worried then. Later on I was like "oh yes, he should test for HIV" and he didn't test for a while... but then I had already read up quite a lot on HIV and ARS. I got stressed out, 2-3 weeks of almost no food and little water. My tongue turned white and I almost panicked. Started brushing it a lot. He tested - negative - and said that it had been since mid-summer that he hasn't been with anyone else (so that would be 3 months at least). He's only had oral with other people too.
So I get relief... and then my tongue starts feeling a bit like it's burnt with hot water. Maybe I irritated it by brushing? Still, I was feeling better, getting hungry again, appetite and all. Then the other day my glands around me neck decided to swell (or so I think). I get slight headaches, neck pains, sometimes back pains and got a bunch of random groin pains (not here now, but last week I did notice them a bunch). I decided to start taking a probiotic (natural yogurt product) and this other food supplement - grapefruit seed extract. Just in case it IS a Candida problem. Plus I don't eat many sweets and bread (a diet kinda like Atkins). Yesterday I had cake and 30 minutes later I got urgent diarrhea. So... must be Candida, right? I read a lot on Candida, apparently stress, antibiotics, food, water, diet, etc. can cause it (if it is, in fact, Candida).
Still I have this fear in my head! My friends and family have noticed that I am not my sunny self, not as happy and talkative... and some people are like "wow, you've lost so much weight!" - I used to want to lose weight, now the comments just annoy me. My dad was like "you look pale... you've gotten too skinny... I hope you don't get yourself anemia with your diets!"
I am not as terrified as before, but I still do feel the fear. I decided to start waking up early, instead of sleeping in, and exercise (I used to be like a sloth, especially during the past few months).
So... it is all anxiety, right? It IS fading, but I seem to need reassurance. And I can't really tell many close people why I am scared and that I am in a gay relationship...
I just hope the slightly painful tongue and that small "lump" (not a physical lump, I believe) in my throat go away soon. And my skin stops being so dry and this weird acne disappears.

I will say it... IT IS JUST INSERTIVE ORAL, NO RISK... HE TESTED NEGATIVE... STOP BEING SILLY!

(vented... the days do look brighter now, but it does take a while to get over the scare)

THANKS!

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Anonymous
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Re: Can't relax... and I know the facts! new
      #165471 - 11/28/05 11:19 AM

Honey, you said it yourself. It's just anxiety.

If all you have engaged in is oral sex with YOU being the recipient, your chances are very, very, VERY low that you would have aquired HIV from him even if he was positive. HIV is not transmitted through saliva, and unless you had a sore on your penis, and he had an oozing sore in his mouth, I don't see why you have to worry. Especially if he tested negative.

That being said....I'm a heterosexual female who tested negative for HIV last week, using the OraQuick Advance test. I had all the symptoms...cough that wouldn't go away, possible swollen lymph nodes, sore throat, diarrhea, etc. I finally worked up the nerve to get tested. Think that solved everything? Of course not! I'm still a wee bit paranoid that I have it...although my test says otherwise. (Still coughing, which doesn't help).

My point is, is that stress and anxiety can do so many things to your body. It can make you sick in all sorts of ways. Things, a cough, sneeze, bought of diarrhea that you would have overlooked before now seems 100 times worse and possible sypmtoms of HIV.

I'm not one to lecture, as I haven't completely overcome my fear, but try not to worry so much. If you need to completely free your mind of it, go get tested. I recomment the 20 minute tests. It makes it so much easier. But honestly, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT!!!

Stay well.

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Anonymous
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Re: Can't relax... and I know the facts! new
      #165472 - 11/28/05 11:29 AM

Hi :)

Well yeah, I think about getting tested. I know what the result will be, and I know I want to do it just to tell that "other" person in me "See, told you so!"

So when do I get tested? I am with my boyfriend, every now and then we engage in oral sex (him on me, so far - I need to overcome the stupid fear to do the same to him... although I'd totally like to). They say 3 months from the last encounter. So... every week this D-day goes another 3 months further. I think I am getting confident enough not to have to worry about that... I just need the security to fully settle. :)

Good luck to you with dealing with anxiety too! And thanks for replying.

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Anonymous
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Re: Can't relax... and I know the facts! new
      #165571 - 11/29/05 01:52 AM

Hey there. :-)

Sorry I couldn't respond sooner. I work midnights, so I went to bed shortly after my last post.

Anywho...you ask when you should be tested. Well, how long have you been with your boyfriend? And, are you guys in a monogamous relationship?

If you've been together 3 months already, I'd go ahead and get tested, and maybe have a follow up test in 3 more months. You said he tested negative, right? Unless he's been with someone else between getting tested, and you, and you and he have been together for at least 3 months, getting tested now would be ok. If you were unsure of his status...then testing every 3-6 months would be warranted. But, as long as you know he is negative, one test, right now, should be enough. If you're unsure of his status, then perhaps you can both be tested?

Again though, I think at this point testing would be for peace of mind only...not because you're actually at risk for being infected!

I hope you're able to let this fear go. I've tried to talk about it to people around me...but they don't understand how life consuming worrying something about this is. I've been told to just "stop" and "let it go", but you and I both know it's not always that easy! It does get better with time, but it's not something you can shut on and off!

Thank you for the goodluck wishes. I send you the same. :-)





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Anonymous
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Re: Can't relax... and I know the facts! PANICKING new
      #165712 - 11/30/05 12:13 PM

I AM PANICKING!

I was just leaning my head on my hand. Then I felt a lymph node on the left side of my neck, back from the jaw joint, and a little below. It is a bit smaller than a pea. I am scared, because it was NOT there, when I did check the nodes purposefully. And now - it's there! I am getting terrified. I checked out my other nodes (I don't know where they are exactly), and I think they are OK (I would probably feel them, I know they're somewhere in the armpit and groin, so I checked those areas). I am stressed out AGAIN, looking for a rash and other things! I have a pimple-looking thing on my neck, on the right side... And one like a small pimple below my chest.

As you recall (and you could read the first post in this thread) I had insertive oral and kissing a few times with a guy. He did test negative... We're still together. Now my memory is playing tricks on me... "did I taste blood that one time we were kissing?"

HELP ME PLEASE :(

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