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I'm Panicked--Please Help
      #165398 - 11/27/05 03:10 PM

I woke up with one of those moments of clarity, that you only get after you've had a decent night's sleep and have turned down all of the "noise" in your head.

I've posted here before and I apologize for agonizing over this. I'm panicked.

I'm married and I met someone on a business trip...she's married as well. We spent the night together...she's beautiful. We didn't have intercourse, but had plenty of oral (me on her, her on me) which was unprotected. In addition, lot's of fingering.

My guilt notwithstanding, I didn't concern myself with HIV. However, and I can't even f$*%ng believe it, but I came down with some "flu" exactly 4 weeks to the day after we saw each other. I was achy, had awful stomach cramps (followed by diarrhea) and a slight fever (99.5-100.0) for about 48 hours.

Now...I'm in a panic. I'm living this wife is noticing the difference in me. The only saving grace is that we haven't slept together since my affair. She's asking questions and I have to look her in the eye and tell her "everything is fine....blah, blah, blah...."

I've read all the literature about cunnlinigus and insertive oral and realize that the risk is theoretical, rather than real...then why am I, a 43 year old man, so f*&%$ng panicked? It's all I think about. I have myself almost convinced one minute that the chances have to be astronomical that I was the 3rd or 4th person in the history of HIV to become infected from cunnilingus or insertive oral and I'm calm (almost giddy). Then I wake up thinking...noone else in my family got the flu....why did I get it EXACTLY 4 weeks after my encounter?

God...somebody help me...I'm finding it hard to be strong.

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Reged: 10/17/05
Posts: 1329
Re: I'm Panicked--Please Help new
      #165402 - 11/27/05 03:52 PM

I'm so sorry you are panicked. I know it's a scarey thing to go through. Been there done that. I also am married and made some very bad choices. I can tell you one thing. The guilt that you are experiencing is why you wake up worried when you were "giddy" the day before. You are feeling horrendous amounts of guilt for cheating on your wife and it will torture the hell out of you. As for why you are the only one that got the flu....many reasons. A) perhaps it was one that other members of your family were already exposed to and therefore immune to....b) perhaps they did have it, but so mild as it did not bother them....c) perhaps you were worn down from work, guilt, stress, anxiety....etc. There are many explanations that don't include HIV. If you read through the boards extensively, which i'm sure you have, there are many cases where the worried was the only person to have "symptoms" or the other person was with their spouse or lover and then they both had symptoms....or the lover was the only one to have the symptoms....the stories are plentiful...and the results more often then not the same....negative.

Test, put your mind at ease...and if the guilt is really bothering you that much, which I think it is, perhaps you need to level with your wife. As you said, she is noticing something is wrong. Not long before she calls you on it . i wish you the best. Test, FOR YOUR OWN PEACE OF MIND, and the move on, having learned a valuable lesson.

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Reged: 11/19/05
Posts: 1148
Loc: Adelaide, Australia
Re: I'm Panicked--Please Help new
      #165405 - 11/27/05 05:24 PM


regards from india me from what you state i really do not see any cause of concern as far as HIV is concerned.Well i do not know what is causing those symptoms, however what i can re-assure you of is that HIV is not the culprit. If you feel worried you may want to test at 12 weeks( i would suggest testing as a tool to relieve anxiety and stress and NOT because you are at risk), meanwhile get your symptoms evaluated from your health care provider.


stay well

take care

god bless you

love ravi

Take Care

God Bless you

Stay Well

Love Ravi

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Re: I'm Panicked--Please Help new
      #165411 - 11/27/05 07:55 PM

Go down on your lunch break and have an HIV test at your local health clinic. You can have this done anonymously and then you can have an initial peace of mind that your little trysts didn't expose you to this infection. Then repeat this test again in 6 months. The difficult thing to do is to have safe sex with your spouse until you know for sure that you are 100% clean from this event. Remember that there are hoards of Sexually Transmittable Diseases you could have gotten from this one-night-stand to bring home to your wife. Let’s not forget Herpes and Warts and creepy crawlers. When a couple enters into a marriage this should finally save you from this type of worry. Stay true to your partner and you will have less grief to worry with. With the invention of chat-rooms so many more people are being promiscuous these days and they are spreading STD's like wildfire. You also need to look into your self for the reason you strayed away from your wife’s attention. Find out the core reason for this action or it will eventually happen again. If you think you cannot control your appetites for other women then you need to come clean and let you wife choose for herself to stay or leave. I’m HIV positive now because my husband slept around on me. I wish that he had let me know so that I could have protected myself from this infection. Now, I am stuck having to have blood tests run every 3-4 months to check my status; I have to work so that I can maintain proper insurance so that my life, as I know it isn’t in total financial ruin. An orgasm is simply and orgasm no matter whom you are with. Yet, is an orgasm with a stranger really worth all this grief and guilt and threat of exposure to life changing illnesses? I’ll get off my soapbox… just make sure you make some adult, unselfish, and wise choices when it comes to the welfare of your family. The excitement of the chase… the thrill of and instinctual desire to mate with someone different has become very dangerous. If you love your wife you need to take necessary precautions to protect her. This may mean coming clean and telling her what happened. That is your choice and it is a difficult one to make, but since you believe that there have been significant symptoms of a possible STD then you need to deal with the consequences of your actions. Best of luck. Sorry for being harsh, but I know for a fact now that cheating can lead to more serious complications these days than a broken heart.

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Re: I'm Panicked--Please Help new
      #165414 - 11/27/05 08:20 PM

I really didn't need, nor ask for, a lecture.

I'm sorry for what happened to you.

I'm not looking for absolution, but am scared.

I hope you find some peace in your life.

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Reged: 11/22/05
Posts: 6
Re: I'm Panicked--Please Help new
      #165447 - 11/28/05 01:08 PM

Listen to Faith she is the voice of reason.

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