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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

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Jocko
Unregistered

Same story ... just need to release
      #16132 - 03/02/01 11:17 AM

Hello folks. Well, I've been around this post for a few weeks now, and they have been the most stressful weeks ever. For those of you who don't know, I had unprotected anal sex (I was the inserter) for about 20 seconds with a transvestite. I quickly came to my senses and put on a condom. When I got home and showered, I noticed a small abrasion on my penis had opened up (showing raw, but not bleeding skin). I was a bit scared, but the hotline reassured me that the fact I noticed no blood, wasn't bleeding myself, was inside for a very short duration, and the fact that a lot of lube was used made this a relatively low risk. Anyhow, I've told this story before, but I tested at 34 days (noticed a rash on my thighs, reddening of the chest, slight sore throat) with an Eliza, p24, and viral load ..... all NEG. However, the transvestite I was with had just tested pos.(I know because I found him, and he took a Home Access that I bought). After I found out about this, I freaked. And, I began getting sick ..... a bad respiratory infection (lots of congestion), sore legs (thighs) muscles, slightly swollen glands, and a further reddening of the chest and neck area. Now, most of the congestion is gone, and my energy is back .... but the redness remains, and is now on my face as well. From beginning to now, these symptoms (which started off slight) have gone on for over five weeks. There have been some other symptoms as well such as my hands and arms becoming numb while I sleep, anal itching, and some red spots on my tongue (although I've had these before) Now, why do I write this again? Well, it feels better to write about it, AND I was tested again on Mon. (another viral load and Eliza). I am now waiting for the results .... and will probably get them any day now. I've read so much, and heard so much. So many hotline people have told me to stop worrying ..... with the risk and tests - many say I'm practically in the clear. Even my doctor (an HIV specialist) has told me that he thinks I'm worried well. And, I've been in this situation before (scared about HIV) ... and I didn't learn form experience. I guess I feel like my time's up. I feel like I've been given "breaks" from this before, and I never learned my lesson. I can imagine even many of you reading this are rolling your eyes, or are about to spout off a "stop bugging us" reply. I don't blame you. I have the dilemma of being having an obsessive compulsive disorder, but of also going "back out there" when I'm not scared anymore. I'm a father, a school teacher, and the type of guy who always wears a smile .... but now I'm sweating. Something deep inside of me feels like my ticket is up - and I'm preparing myself for bad news when i get my results. My best friend thinks I'm nuts, the doctor thinks I'm O.K., but my body and my intuition tell me I'm not. Thanks for listening, and sorry if this post annoyed you.



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Same story ... just need to release new
      #16134 - 03/02/01 02:27 PM

Your story is important to tell, this is what this forum is for. I can understand how you feel. I hope all turns out well for you and everyone dealing with this issue.



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Same story ... just need to release new
      #16135 - 03/02/01 02:54 PM

Hey we are on the same boat...I'm a sophmore in college.. I had unportected sex 5 weeks ago within these weeks I have became worried sick... a lot symptoms came out like swollen lymph gland on the right side of my neck, my hands and legs become numb for no reasons and there was a canker sore in my mouth... I just went to docotor yesterday and he said everything will be fine...my test is neg.(I know 5 weeks period is too short..) I think we are just WORRYING TO MUCH.. many of symptoms are caused by worring and stress(from my reserch)...maybe we are HIV+ maybe we are not.. why don't we just laid-back and relax in these few months.. if we are positive we will just have to accept the fate and go on life.. worring can't solve anything so STOP WORRYING NOW..

I'm always with you.
Joe



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Same story ... just need to release new
      #16136 - 03/02/01 03:20 PM

Doesn't anal sex (between men and sometimes women) hurt? I know this is off topic and do not wish to offend, but imagining an erection pertruding into my anus seems like it would equal pain. I know you said you were the inserter, but it still sends chills up my spine. I hope things work out for you and if they do, consider this a "gift from God" and try to never put yourself in such a risky situation again. Women will probably be more honest about being HIV+ with a potential sex partner. Never trust a shady male when it comes to sex. They act first and THEN think about the possible outcomes. I used to be one of those guys who would sleep with a girl because I was horny ONLY later to regret my mistakes. Be more careful my friend!!!

Good Luck!



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Same story ... just need to release new
      #16137 - 03/02/01 04:10 PM

I know you didn't mean to offend me .... but that was a bit offensive. I'm here stressing for my life, and you're talking about how "gross" you think anal sex is. I know that if you really knew what state of mind I was in, you would never have responded that way. Perhaps you should try to be a bit more empathetic of someone's feelings before writing such things. On the other hand, if you think I deserve to be talked to that way .... I don't know what to tell you. Take care. jocko



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: "your time is up"? new
      #16139 - 03/02/01 04:47 PM

As far as the other guy and his "doesn't anal sex hurt" business goes; forget him. I understand how you can think your "time is up" and that you "didn't learn from your (earlier)mistakes", I too have made this mistake more than once. It's an interesting thing about human nature that we forget so quickly! I think that's why there has been some re-thinking of HIV education and prevention; it doesn't seem to work consistantly enough. Of course, that's all there is. As for me, 7 years ago when I had a risky encounter, I stopped having sex altogether for at least 2-3 years because I could not use good judgement (I think this is the case for more people than anyone cares to admit). After a while though when you return back to a normal state of mind (after you find out you're negative), you tend to "forget" the dangers. This is true for me at least. Tying a string around your finger (or your dick) doesn't seem to work (at least not for long). I think you should forgive yourself for this lapse in judgement but try (maybe with someones help) to find a more permanent way of keeping control of yourself. I also stopped using alcohol (or rarely now) and for some people, drugs are a problem (especially Ecstasy). This is something that I don't think therapists are very good at dealing with. Good Luck (and give yourself a break - BUT BE CAREFUL)!



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TexGal
Master

Reged: 11/21/00
Posts: 139
Re: Same story ... just need to release new
      #16140 - 03/02/01 04:47 PM

Hang in there! I know that it's difficult. It doesn't matter what actions got us to this place. No judgements here. Once we are worried about HIV, we are all the same.

Try to take comfort in your previous negative results. And spout off all of your worries that you want to...that's what the board and those who care are here for.

Stay strong and when you receive your negative result...it may be time to re-evaluate what reasons you may have that allow you to continue to put yourself in situations which lead to doubting your status afterwards. Try to remember the fear this time and be safe in the future!

My best wishes and thoughts are with you....

Tex



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Same story ... just need to release new
      #16141 - 03/02/01 04:49 PM

are you the person who took a Home test to the other person and it was HIV+ ?
I don't think you have HIV from that experience it was only 20 seconds .




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Anonymous
Unregistered

re: My sincere apologies! new
      #16148 - 03/03/01 04:14 AM

I do know what state of mind you are in because I had a similar experience. I obsessed over the idea that I must have been infected for about 7 months. It is a great deal of anxiety and absolute pure fear. I later was pre-diagnosed with chlamydia/gonorrhea.

I want to deeply apologize to you for the way I stated my post. I really wasn't trying to offend! Also, I see nothing gross about anal sex as the giver, but as a male receiving just shouts pain to me. I am sympathetic to what you are going through but believe me, if you caught HIV chances (over 60%) are that those vicious symptoms of ARS would catch you off-guard. I think you are safe and you'll be in my prayers!

Once again I apologize,

Al-Anon (I'm not trying to be rude to alcoholics here either. Just being creative.)



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Al-Anon
Unregistered

Re: I apologize to all for my ignorant post! new
      #16149 - 03/03/01 04:19 AM

I am deeply sorry for my unnecessary response to the story. I meant no harm. I do feel empathy and all in need on this board are in my prayers. Please don't forget ME, just FORGET my ignorant statement.

Be careful and responsible!



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Same story ... just need to release new
      #16157 - 03/03/01 06:50 PM

Goo luck anonymous. I think you are ok, just scared. Don't do it again ....

Also The body.com is excellent congratulations



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: re: My sincere apologies! new
      #16158 - 03/03/01 06:53 PM

A question for you. Just how do you get "pre"-diagnosed with something? Let alone chlamydia/gonnorea? What is the procedure for that? Does the Doctor come in the room and say ..." well you don't have it yet but are bound to get it?
I am confused.



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Al-Anon
Unregistered

Re: re: My sincere apologies! new
      #16161 - 03/04/01 03:49 AM

The doctor does the usual tests and checks but has to wait for accurate culture results. The doctor (on appearance) seemed to find nothing but since I reported symptoms, she (pre)diagnosed me with NGU (nongonococcal urethritus) since these symptoms don't just occur for no reason. They assume I have something because of my reports but can't truely diagnose me until the culture test results return from the lab. So therefore, I have been pre-diagnosed for having symptoms which result from chlamydia and/or gonorrhea. The doctors are just being safe by calling it NGU. If it truely is NGU, then I don't have gonorrhea. Is this helpful for a better understanding? Sorry about before, I guess I should have explained my condition better. Take Care!



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