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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

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Anonymous
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What Are The Chances?
      #158439 - 08/10/05 02:32 PM

Okay here's my story and I'll try to make it as brief as possible. 3.5 years ago I suffered an anxiety attack that totally changed my life for the worst. I know that's not very much to complain about considering what some people go through so I apologise. The fact is I've been a mental wreck ever since. The main mental malfunction I have these days is chronic insomnia. Anyway it wasn't till about the start of the 3rd year I thought I might have HIV. As soon as I thought this might be my problem I started to kind of lose it. I had taken blood tests for just about everything. I had always thought there was something physically wrong with me. But somehow I managed to overlook HIV. Anyway after I realised I might have HIV I went to an anonymous testing site to get tested. The results came back negative. You would think this would put me at ease. Well it did for about six months until winter rolled around and the paranoia started again. What started the thoughts rolling you might ask? Well from my first test till the six months after I noticed I had lost about ten pounds. This loss of weight began to get me thinking I might have had a false negative. So again I went to the same place to get tested and once again the results came back negative. Did this help? Yes and no.

I have since moved to my hometown back from the city. No more city life for me. The point is I am now 25 years old living with my parents and totally paranoid I have had two false negative test results. Why still with the paranoia you ask? Well since my second test I have lost another 10 pounds. I now currently weigh 139lbs standing 5 11. So I am really just asking what are the chances that I have the worst luck in the world. Is it possible I have had two negative test results? Keep in mind it had been 2 years since my last possible HIV exposure from the time of my first test. So I have basically not been sexually active since I had my anxiety attack. I am going to see my doctor next Tuesday hoping to get some concrete answers on why I continue to lose weight. These thought are really driving me crazy since I am now living at how with people whom I really love (family). I would not in anyway want to put them in harms way of mistakenly catching HIV. For instance say my brother uses my razor or something like that. I maybe stretching it here but I donít know. Some days I think about HIV others I donít. But on the days I do I feel like checking myself into a mental institution.

I recently saw a movie called The Machinist where the main actor basically wasted away due to guilt. I have always been afraid to get an HIV test in a normal doctor office. Due to the fact that I will have no anonymity. Can anybody give me some mind saving advice out there? Also what questions should I ask my doctor next week? In the end I really appreciate any advice someone can give. I would honestly leave this question alone. But the fact that I have lost about 20 pound in a year is driving me crazy. Plus the only logical thing I can associate the weight loss with is AIDS. Thank You All. If you have any questions I will surely reply.


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debtex
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Reged: 03/21/05
Posts: 846
Re: What Are The Chances? new
      #158442 - 08/10/05 02:44 PM

You have tested negative. HIV is NOT your medical problem. Your anxiety however has played a MAJOR role in your weight loss. your fears, and constant worry about this IS the reason for your weight loss. Perhaps you need some kind of medication for anxiety?? and once you start feeling better mentally, I'm sure your weight will not continue to decline.

you really need to STOP thinking and worrying about hiv. you cannot hurt, or infect your family......you are not hiv positive.



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Anonymous
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Re: What Are The Chances? new
      #158750 - 08/17/05 12:39 AM

Okay so I went to my doctor today. I told him about the weight loss which has been anywhere from 15 to 20 pounds in the last year. I had also printed something of Medline which showed some common causes for unintentional weight loss. The 2 that I am of course concerned about are Cancer (Malignancy) and Aids (HIV). Now I told him about my 2 negative tests which I took 3 years after my last possible exposure.
But he really didn't say what I was expecting him to say. I was really just hoping he would say something like look you've tested negative twice way outside the window period. You don't have HIV. So let's start looking for cancer just to be safe.

Instead he suggested I get another HIV test and of course he would run some blood tests to look for any cancer markers. Now although he didn't think HIV was my problem why in the hell would he want me to get tested again? Also since I live in a small town I donít have access to an anonymous testing site. My 2 negative tests were at an anonymous testing site due to the fact that I don't want my name and all that confidential stuff being leaked. If I was ever to get a positive test. I'm pretty anxious right now. I feel like if any of you wonderful people were my doctor. You would tell me to get on with my life. What should I do? Should I get tested again. If so would it ultimately be better to get tested at an anonymous testing site so my results are kept confidential?


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debtex
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Reged: 03/21/05
Posts: 846
Re: What Are The Chances? new
      #158775 - 08/17/05 02:47 PM

I wouldnt be concerned about getting your hiv test done thru your doctor. Your medical record will ALWAYS remain confidential. and if you were to test positive (which you wont becuase your exposure was 2 yrs ago), then ultimately it will be on your medical record once you began to be treated for it anyway. but ifyou have not been exposed after that time 2 yrs ago.....dont worry about taking another test. Perhaps your doctor just wants to be sure (since you didn't do it thru him the first time, maybe he doesnt know for sure if you were tested, and wants to be able to rule that out).
Please relax about the test. You know when you were last exposed, and you know you have tested way outside of the window period. but your doctor does not have documentation of this, and needs to be sure from a medical standpoint that this is not the problem.
Have you talked to him about your anxiety? fear and stress will cause you so much fatiege and major weight loss. I really think you should start there. see if he can point you in the right direction to talk to someone about your anxiety, or maybe he can treat you for it. (dow doses of xanex may help, it did for me). this realy may help you.
i wish you all the best. and as always, please keep me posted on how you are doing.

love and prayers,
debbie

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