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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

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Military
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On the edge
      #15125 - 01/26/01 10:09 AM

Been on this site every morn and nite for the past three weeks. I was attacked in mid Sept at a train station in Munich. Guy just walked up and cracked me. I back handed him and I know I broke his nose. We rolled around for a while, he ended up on top of me and started headbutting me. He bled all over my face and I had several cuts in my mouth. Never thought much of it after that, just one of those " American go home" greetings. Mid Dec I started to get sick and it has lessened but not gone away ie...sore back,muscles,joints pain where my liver should be. Been to the Doctor 3 times for antibiotics. Never any fever,sore throut,cough or rash. I finally insisted on the 11th that they test me for Hep and HIV. No word as of yet and its killing me. Im in a really dark place right now. I have myself convienced I am pos. Worst part is I have a wife I love dearly and dont know that I will be able to go on knowing Ive killed the mother of our children. I cry every morning and nite. We have talked about the possibility of my status but thats not fair to her. We dont know that I am. Ive never felt these kind of symptoms before and very scared of finding out the results. God help me



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Anonymous
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Re: On the edge new
      #15128 - 01/26/01 10:37 AM

Hi man i understand your situation, i too am married and felt the same anguish! It was unbearable. First of all your symptoms came very late, and i REALLY dont think they are HIV related at all! What i did to get through this time go see a therapist. He presecribed Paxil which really calmed my down and gave me some sleeping pills to be able to have a good nights rest since i wasnt sleeping at all. Get some help. Its ok to do it. I know there is nothing we can say that will make you feel better since during this time i didnt believe anybody or any good advice. I was just submerged in panic and self pity. Try to relax. You are fine! God Bless and take care



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Xander
Unregistered

Re: On the edge new
      #15129 - 01/26/01 11:43 AM

This is a very unlikely way to become infected with hiv.



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Jackie_Blue
Legend

Reged: 10/26/00
Posts: 2028
Re: On the edge new
      #15132 - 01/26/01 02:46 PM

First off while it sounds like a lot of blood was involved I don't think it is easy to get HIV in that manner. Anyway, do you know the other person was HIV+ to begin with? Also your symptoms sound more stress related than ARS. That's not surprising. You are under a great deal of stress right now and it is not uncommon for it to come out as physical symptoms.

Besides people under stress tend not to take care of themselves by not sleeping and eating properly. All that just makes it easier to pick up what's going around and give you a general blah feeling.

Of course the biggest issue with you right now is that you have convinced yourself you are positive. I've learned that I can talk till I'm blue in the face, but only your test result will alleviate that.

I will say, I've seen a lot of people on this board just sure they were positive only to test negative. It's not uncommon to do that.

So let's address what is really making you so miserable. "What if's"....

The biggest and most frightening is the thought that you may have inadvertently brought harm to your wife and that this is somehow your fault. IT ISN'T! Some things in life are just Dumb Luck. You cannot be faulted for defending yourself. You cannot be faulted for not being worried about HIV at the beginning. Most people worry about it after a high risk sexual act, not after a fight.

Besides, (and remember this is all theoretical, because I personally believe your chance of being HIV to be low.) you haven't killed your wife.

While I wouldn't say HIV is quite to the point of just being another chronically managed disease. Deaths from it are way down. You are in the military and therefore have access to some of the best medical care in the world.

From what little you said I gather your wife is there for you and that you both love each other very much. Everyone and every couple have crisis' and challenges to work through. To have someone to stand by you in the good and bad times is priceless. Allow her to be there for you. Don't be the 'strong' type that figures out what is best for all concerned. What's fair and not fair. Draw your strength from each other and remember no matter what the result....life does go on.

Do not let your mind get away with the feelings of guilt that you have unfairly placed upon yourself. You have done nothing to feel guilty about.

Good Luck
J.



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Jon
Unregistered

Re: On the edge new
      #15159 - 01/27/01 06:22 PM

Your words are much appreciated and needed at this point. Thanks for being who you are and caring about someone you have never met.



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Military
Unregistered

Re: On the edge new
      #15160 - 01/27/01 06:23 PM

Your words are much appreciated and needed at this point. Thanks for being who you are and caring about someone you have never met.



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