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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

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Anonymous
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I dont know what to do scared as scared can be
      #139589 - 04/03/05 08:37 AM

Where to start, Im 28 years old the first time i had sex was when i was 25 which was during a stupid druken night which i had very dangerous unproteced vaginal and anal sex. The next morning i noticed a cut on the tip of my penis and about 4-5weeks later devoloped flu symptoms which lasted about a week. I had an sti test but not a hiv test and it cme out negative as i was too scared of the outcome at the time i was unbeliveable stressed out and still am. During the last 4years i have had unprotected sex another 3 times, the last time being last week. And i think i may have got an sti of the last women i slept with, I have not excuses for this behavior except each time i have been extremly drunk and i can hardly remember what happened the last night due to excessive binge drinking. Next week i will go for a sti test and im not sure if i should take a hiv test, Although i will have to take one very shortly due to a medical. The stress from this over the past 4years has been unimaginable, I have tried to confide with my friends and family about this but i have been told to forget about it. The consequences of a wrong test result would mean i would commit sucide as i could not live with myself knowing that i infected someone else. Dont get me wrong i love life and if the results where good news i would change for the better swear to god. Believe me when i say i am not a bad person just someone who has made some mistakes in my life. I know i cannot go on much longer this way and i hope and pray for chance to start again.

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Anonymous
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Re: I dont know what to do scared as scared can be new
      #139598 - 04/03/05 11:06 AM

Hi, First of all--you should not be talking about suicide at all. I mean, what happens if you kill yourself and then they find a cure? or there have been people who tested positive only to find out they are really negative, etc. sooooo, there's always hope and suicide isn't an option.

if you had a test for other std's and they were negative, then obviously the women you have been with were clean. actually sex workers today are the group of people who are more careful than anyone else. anyway, you are assuming that the women you have been with were HIV positive...and that's a HUGE assumption to make. you can just ASSUME that a person has HIV. sure, too many people in the world have it today, but even more people do NOT have it. so, if you have tested negative for other sexually transmitted infections, then chances are likely you will NOT have hiv.

you may consider getting some professional help with the drinking issue, though. it sounds like that might be a bigger problem in your life than any STD. i wish you lots of good luck. please take care of yourself!

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Anonymous
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Re: I dont know what to do scared as scared can be new
      #139600 - 04/03/05 11:40 AM

Thankyou for those words, Time and hope and pray will tell - either way this will be a changing point in my life for the better hopefully

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Anonymous
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Re: I dont know what to do scared as scared can be new
      #139609 - 04/03/05 06:46 PM

hey you dont need to go off the deep end I know how you feel I have been there , what you are afraid of as most of us here are the pills right ? taking so many pills a day at the same time is fucked up for sure so the way I look at it is in 3-5 years there will be a 1 a day pill with less side effects and I can live with that! I am negative and try my best to stay this way but if I was to get HIV I would not take the meds until they had a 1 a day pill......make sense ?

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