Advertisement
The Body: The Complete HIV/AIDS Resource
Follow Us Follow Us on Facebook Follow Us on Twitter Download Our App
Professionals >> Visit The Body PROThe Body en Espanol
  Breaking News: FDA Approves Triumeq, New Once-Daily Combination Pill

HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

Pages: 1
miedo
Unregistered

scared to death!
      #132746 - 01/10/05 11:51 AM

Hi
Im a married woman age 37 and mother of two lovely kids. I was having some "issues" back in September where I was feeling out of sorts with my marriage. I went out to a bar had a couple of drinks and met a total stranger we had unprotected sex and he came in me once. I know nothing about this man and never saw him again and nevr will. Im terrified! I think Im positive! I have all the classic signs including swollen gland in neck in October (not anymore) In October I also had earaches and stiff achy neck. In Novemebr I had a huge migraine headache and a dizzy spell, Now in January all those symptoms are gone but my right breast has a small nodule near the arm pit which hurts in a dull manner. I feel like my whole world is crumbling Im toying with the idea of suicide but I know I wont do it. I love my husband and my children. I hate my self for breaking my fidelity bond and contracting HIV. I cant get my self to test although I know its the only sensible thing to do. How do I get the nerve to do it and how do I handle be a positive result? I have cried every night! Im so stressed and all I do is read about HIV on the net! Im very scared! I also have developed small white dots in the back of my tongue but no pain. I dont think its thrush because thrush is milky and thick but Im not sure.... I dont know what to do....

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
rjasin123
Guardian

Reged: 01/27/04
Posts: 410
Re: scared to death! new
      #132751 - 01/10/05 01:42 PM

Dear Anon,

Take some deep breaths, hold them to a count of 4 and let them out to a count of 4.

Your are human like the rest of us. You made a mistake, that's what humans do. You can't undo the paste, so you must learn from it and move on. So first you need to forgive yourself and let the guilt that is eating you up be expelled from your body with each deep breath I mentioned.

HIV is a difficult virus to transmit. Your one time encounter, combined with the fact the gent stands a good chance of being HIV -, tells me the odds are way in your favor you will scoot by this time.

As an adult, you need to do the responsible thing and test at 3 months. Also, I would do a full STD panel just to be sure.

Do I think you will test negative to HIV? YES I DO!

Keep us posted,

Hugs

Jazz



Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
rjasin123
Guardian

Reged: 01/27/04
Posts: 410
Re: scared to death! new
      #132752 - 01/10/05 01:46 PM

Miedo,

Sorry for calling you Anon. I am not used to folks actually using a name other thann Anonymous.

Jazz

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
miedo
Unregistered

Re: scared to death! new
      #132754 - 01/10/05 02:39 PM

Its okay about the name thing I totally understand......I will test on Wed. I will post again once I know my results. Thanks for your words of encouragement. I hope you are right about this.....

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Moose
Regular

Reged: 09/28/04
Posts: 29
Re: scared to death! new
      #132759 - 01/10/05 04:06 PM

Meido,

Your situation is similar to mine. Except I am a man. Jazz is correct on a lot of things. The one thing that he did not mention is that it will be harder on you to forgive yourself. It took me months to come to grips with what I had done and also the fact that it was not completely my fault. My marriage was in a state to where we were in an emotional Siberia. She would just look at me and say "Oh, it's only you." I was guilty of stuff too. This part will sound very familiar to you. I was in a bar, on a business trip and a conversation was accidently struck up with a lady sitting next to me. Mind you I was not looking. The conversation went on. I did not want it to stop. It had been years since anybody had looked at me like she was. She was also being NICE to me. She took my face in her hands and kissed me. Here was somebody treating me like a person instead of an ATM. Somebody who for a brief fleeting moment CARED about me. Well, I proved I was all to human that night. In my case the sex had very little to do with it.

I told my wife as soon as I came home. It crushed her. But I had done wrong and she had a right to judge me. It was hard on her and it brought a lot of the underlying issues to the surface and we are dealing with them now.

Remember a couple of things:
1) You are human and by definition are prone to mistakes
2) Guilt will cause you to do and think irrational things
3) You may want to tell your husband. It is possible that he will help you through this.
4) You are not filth.
5) If you ask God for forgiveness he will give it to you.
6) Learn from your mistakes.
7) HIV from one transaction is possible but unlikely.

Good Luck and keep faith

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: scared to death! new
      #132765 - 01/10/05 06:54 PM

Hi Moose,
Thanks for your response yes your story sounds tooooo familiar!
I havent told my husband I think it will crush him...If Im positive I will have to let him know...I always use condoms with him with the excuse I dont want to become pregnant but Im scared that if Im infected I will give it to him....He doesnt deserve that. Im still very scared and depressed, its hard for me to focus in my work.....Im very afraid due to all my symptoms.... I also admit that I feel very guilty. I feel dirty. I dont know how Im going to tell him.... He thinks the world of me and now our relationship is better than ever now that I appreciate what I have and am no longer feeling like wandering around....I didnt even enjoy my escape I was sorry the minute it began I just wished I had had the courage to stop in time and would have gone home to my family. Now Im scared of not being able to raised my kids and not being able to see them as adults....Thanks for "listening"

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Moose
Regular

Reged: 09/28/04
Posts: 29
Re: scared to death! new
      #132767 - 01/10/05 08:36 PM

If you feel like talking off line at anypoint on the subject go on over to www.aidsmeds.com.

Go under Forums then Fear of Getting HIV and send me a PM. There I am known as The Moose. I have been where you are and where you are going and will tell you that it will be dark for a while. The dawn shall come and if you need a person who you can talk this threw with shoot me a PM.

Good Luck

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: scared to death! new
      #132800 - 01/11/05 08:47 AM

hello i know how you feel trust me. i was and am in the same situation, only i found out the guy was positive. i tested at 10 weeks and it was negative. i have been trying to get up the courage to do it again but im terrified. i also have a wonderful husband whom i love very much and 2 beautiful children. i find myself breaking down all the time. i even lost my job over this. i am so depressed and i know i need to get help but its like i cant. i want to test again im just so scared. my husband loves me but he isnt an understanding person. i also caught chlamydia and hpv from this which makes it worse, he got it on his lip and it was horrible. i cried and still do everytime i look at him thinking what have i done to my family. when all of it happened we were having alot of problems and seperated he got into drugs bad. we got back together and i make him use condoms even though he dont want to and i feel so horrible because i allowed the oral. i pray to God it will get better. i have joined church and that helps alot. i pray that 10 weeks was accurate. i will also pray for you. i hope all is well with u and if you need to talk im here. take care

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
miedo
Unregistered

Re: scared to death! new
      #132808 - 01/11/05 02:37 PM

thank you for your prayers. I will do the same for you. At least you had the courage to test and a ten week negative test is a wondeful indication that you are negative so cheer up! I know we make mistakes and we need to move on and learn from them however I also know that its easier said than done. God Bless.

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
MIEDO
Unregistered

Re: scared to death! new
      #132917 - 01/13/05 06:47 PM

Hello everyone
I tested today via ORAQUICK...Its NEGATIVE!!!!!! Im so Happy!!!!!
The testing Center recommends I test again in March but Im very happy for these results. I want to thank The Moose in this forum he helped me to get to the point of testing!!!!
Thank You!!!!!

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
miedo
Unregistered

Re: scared to death! new
      #132918 - 01/13/05 06:48 PM

Jazz you are also great!!!

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
rjasin123
Guardian

Reged: 01/27/04
Posts: 410
Re: scared to death! new
      #132923 - 01/13/05 08:29 PM

[quote]Jazz you are also great!!! [/quote]

Congrats!!!!!

Jazz

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: scared to death! new
      #132928 - 01/14/05 10:25 AM

Congratulations i am so happy for you!!! God Bless Always

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: scared to death! new
      #133337 - 01/21/05 09:10 AM

very happy for you.....i need to test and I am very scared too. what is an oraquick

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: scared to death! new
      #133363 - 01/21/05 09:55 PM

its a finger stick test that gives you results in 20 minutes. go test it is such a burden lifted once you know...fear can get you so sick...

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Pages: 1


What's New at TheBody.com

Additional Information
0 registered and 2 anonymous users are browsing this forum.

Moderator:  TheBody, bogart, crabman, riverprincess 

Permissions
      You cannot start new topics
      You cannot reply to topics
      HTML is enabled
      UBBCode is enabled

Thread views: 3107

 
Jump to

Contact Us | Privacy Statement The Body

*
UBB.threads™ 6.2.3