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Protected Sex w/Sex Worker
#11236 - 10/23/00 08:34 PM
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I made a huge mistake over a week ago by having protected vaginal intercourse with a sex worker at an Asian massage parlor. The woman was very conscience of using a condom and checked it for breakage after I ejaculated. There was now oral sex or even kissing involved. HOWEVER, I am terrifed that I may have contracted HIV or an STD. I plan on taking the PCR test in 30 days. Has anyone been in a similar situation? An STD is one thing, but HIV...it would be hard to cope. I hope I haven't thrown my life away on a night of alcohol and peer pressure. To make matters worse, I have a beautiful girlfriend that I'm horrified I might infect....what do you do?
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PVS
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Guru
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Reged: 09/19/00
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Posts: 280
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If it was protected sex, calm your nerves it was extremely low risk. No oral or kissing involved you say, even better then. Get yourself checked out for the STDs including HIV then when all comes out clear, you're ok. You are also feeling extremely guilty since you had sex with a prostitute and you have a steady gal. Have you told her about this incident? Though you did the right thing by having protected sex, you did break the trust bond between you and your girlfriend. Thus you are feeling tortured by your conscience. Trust your results when you get them and try not to stray in the future. Good luck! == PVS
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Actually you did the right thing by having PROTECTED sex with that sex worker. Given that you risk of infection is minimal. Furthermore the prostitute seems to be very aware too so that a good thing also. Many experts would even tell you not to test at all since you were at no risk but test at 1 month and 3 months just to ease your mind. I wouldnt pay a costly pcr test, tough.
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Thanks for the reassurance. I'm deeply confused on whether or not to tell my girlfriend what I did....I don't think she would forgive me. We've been together for years, how could I've acted so irresponsibly? Hopefully the condom did the trick and I won't have to worry about all of this overhead in the future.
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PVS
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Guru
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Reged: 09/19/00
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Posts: 280
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I can't make the call on whether you should tell your girlfriend or not. I thought that when I got my first negative result that I could go on and not disclose, but my fears got the best of me and I became consumed to the point of mania regarding HIV that I told my spouse about my stupidity. I've been forgiven for it and I felt better coming clean. Forgive my being corny, but if you love her, honesty is the best policy. == PVS (not PVC..hehe sounds like the pipe)
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You have protected sex but did you touch her or hug her? Did you notice any invisible blood, did you have a paper cut. If so its almost impossible you got infected but ask your doctor about invisible blood or not noticiable blood but blood after all. Relax.
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Good lord, do we have to deal with the invisible blood issue again??!! Get a grip and get a life. Who the heck really thinks invisible blood is an issue. A doctor worth his salt would truly crack up if you brought invisible blood up as a possible risk for transmission....move on bud.
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Its just my opinion but I wouldnt tell her. Actually, you didnt did a so so wrong thing. You were careful. Wait three months, avoid having sex with you girlfriend or use protection but dont ruin the relationship and the confidence your girlfriend may have on you by telling her. Protect her but dont tell her. Just my opinion buddy.
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Thanks for the advice. I don't think telling is the answer either. But if I did end of giving her genital warts or herpes, it would be pretty hard to get out of that. Christ, this is the scariest thing I've ever been through. I'm young, successful, have everything going for me and I had to jepordize it all for one night of excess...never again. From what I've read, I really think the condom probably saved my life, give the sex worker was infected. I guess I can deal with a non lethal STD.
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hey he did ask a doctor .
dr g at hopkins who laughed him off the board i posted his reply a couple days ago.heehee
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Don't worry, I did exactly what you did and I went through exactly the same guilt and terror. I tested negative though and so will you so don't worry about it. Just remember not to do this again (with a sex worker that is). It's always hindsight that we realize how stupid we are for putting outselves at such risk for some immediate pleasure. It's something I had to learn the hard way by going through over 6 months of fear and worries. Good luck, you'll be fine.
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Well, not exactly the same. Protected vaginal intercourse and unprotected oral sex (both ways) with escort worker. Also have a girlfriend of 3 years who I love sooooo much.
What did I do?
1.) Told her. This may or may not be the right thing to do -- all I knew is that I'd go crazy having to always think that everytime I was around her I could be infecting her with something. So I told her, we worked it out (she's very forgiving) and will be working out for a long time. But it's my mistake, and this is sort of my punishment. Part of the problem for the first week that I didn't tell her was that I was feeling sooooo guilty I couldn't take it, for the same reasons you're probably feeling. Was it right to unload all of that on her? I don't know... But I think it was fair that she know the truth. I kept thinking "If I keep this from her, I'll never know if this relationship is genuine."
2.) Told my brother (I'm 22, he's 20, best friend). Confide in someone you know to help you through this. For the first week he was there constantly for me. He was the 1st person I told and I just *broke down* when I told him, bawled nonstop for like 20 minutes because I was so ashamed and unhappy with myself. There will be, and will continue to be, a lot of UNHAPPY feelings about yourself. I'm seeing a counselor to help me through this at my school, and if it helps, you may want to consider this option. More so than almost anytime in your life, you will need people.
3.) Hung out with ppl that can make me laugh, smile, or enjoy myself. Read a book. Watched TV. Ate bad junk food (it's okay!). I think I said in a previous post that I've actually gained 5 pounds eating my favorite desert from a local restaraunt so much. A good habit? No, but one that helps when I've been down!
4.) Got tested! It will scare the CRAP out of you when you get tested because it will put everything in front of your face for awhile and make you very nervous. Nothing you can do but try and make the time pass. It will, sooner than you think! Before you know it, you'll have a negative result and feeling better. In regards to PCR testing -- if it will ease your mind, and you can afford it, DO IT. I couldn't afford it (especially after I blew $300 on the escort), but I did it anyway (damned credit cards!) Got results back today and guess what -- a HUGE sigh of relief. Are they totally conclusive? No... but I'll take 98%+ anyday of the week over knowing nothing. At 3 months, when I do a final round of tests, then I'll feel 100% in the clear.
5.) TRIED (heh, tried!) to weigh the actualy likelihood of getting something first. For example, I think Ryan Kull (sp?) posted on the Transmission forum that in a study of 1,000 mixed status couples in African (HIV+ women, - men), the actual # infected over a given period of time was from 1-3 (depending on viral load of women). That's really low! For workers stuck with HIV+ needles, infection rate is only .3%! So, think about how UNLIKELY it is that you got anything!
By the way, this is SOOO hard to do :)
So, Need help, relax. Try and enjoy yourself. You used a condom. Condoms have a 99.7% rate of success in preventing transmission of STDS. Now, consider that anything even squeezed throught his small .3% left. Let's say that the likelihood of getting HIV from one chance of unprotected sex is 1 in a 1000. .001%. Maybe a little low, who knows. Let's say that's your chance here. .001% of .3%. That's super low!
You're going to be fine :)
-StaySmart
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Me too
#11277 - 10/24/00 02:18 AM
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Same here, except I had protected vaginal intercourse with 3 Asian go-go girls. Been tested multiple times, all at 3 months or beyond. All negative. As long as it was protected, the risk was minimal. In fact, the CDC apparently only considers an "exposure" to be unprotected intercourse. Check out their frequently asked questions page.Of course, I'm not recommending that you screw everything in sight just because you're wearing a condom...
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Just curious....how the hell do you protect your girl friend by having protected sex (if you aren't already) or not having sex at all for 3 months and think she won't notice something's up?
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It is bloody easy. You can tell her to stop using anticonceptives pills for a while, or that you have developed and allergy and want to see if when using a condom it can stop or you can say whatever comes to mind...There are so many ways...
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