What do you mean I'm NEGATIVE ? !!! - TheBody.com's Bulletin Boards

Hello, my name is Steve and I've just tested negative at eleven weeks. I'd like to share my story because its very similar to some of the others that have appeared here. Sorry its a long story, but its consumed my whole life for the past (nearly) three months. I'd appreciate any comments at all.

I'm white, heterosexual, in a long-term relationship, and I had straight sex with a white prostitute, where unfortunately, the condom broke. A major break, so, in effect, we had unprotected vaginal intercourse.

Obviously, concerned at first, but willing to accept the fairly long odds that there's anything wrong.

Two weeks in, and I get the mildest of sore throats. Mild, but enough to wake me at three in the morning. Not only sore, but feels swollen as well. Now I'm anxious. Go swimming to use some energy, but find I'm easily tired and have a headache. Go running and find I can only run half my usual distance before I'm out of breath and pulling up.

Three weeks in. Sleep deteriorating. Every limb is heavy and aching. Attention and concentration are AWOL. Appetite minimal. Avoiding people, just want to be alone. Start to ring the helplines to tell them I'm HIV+, no doubt about it. Off sick from work due to stress. One night in every two I'm getting not a single wink of sleep.

Go to doctor. List the symptoms and ask for general blood tests, but don't mentaion HIV fears. Results come back normal.

Six weeks. No option but to get help and get a test. Pre-test counsellor feels confident I'm negative. Go ahead with the test, which comes back negative. She says most people are positive by now, no-one she's known in her ten years of experience has gone from negative now to positive later. Go home, feeling a bit reassured, but not as much as I thought I'd be.

Problems continue. Feel feverish and confused. Amazed to find that my temperature remains normal at around 37 Celsius. Tired, fatigued, weight loss. Pulse running at 100 for two or three days. Neck and top of chest red and burning up. Is this the rash?

Back to the clinic, to see a HIV specialist doctor. Full physical examination. No problems identified. Minimal risk of infection. Tested for other STD's, all negative. Told not to worry.
I can come back at three months, but the doctor sees this purely as protocol, and does not feel the result will be different.

Next day, (seven weeks in), I feel discomort, heat, tenderness all around the groin. Plus all the previous symptoms continue. Spots have developed in my legs, small ones which remain, larger ones which come and go. Is THIS the rash?

Eight weeks. Another sleepless night precedes my third visit to the clinic. See another doctor, who says my glands are fine, and is not concerned by the spots on my legs, tells me no it's not the rash, but doesn't tell me what it is. Tells the counsellor he's sure I'm not HIV. Test comes back negative. Again, I'm amazed, and I'm not more reassured. Go home and have another virtually sleepless night with my groin burning up.

Two days later, armpits are aching and uncomfortable and neck feels stiff and swollen. Skin looks terrible, one or two spots on face. Mouth foamy and frothy, mottled effect on tongue. I'm 100% convinced. I was right and they were wrong.

Mouth clears up after one or two days, but the feeling of swollen, hot, tender, uncomfortable glands continues. Now and again they feel better, especially mornings, which terrifies me more, then the feelings return and that's no comfort either.

Stay away from the clinic apart from the occasional futile phone call (what am I expecting them to say?) Feel generally calmer. Appetite improves a bit. Sleeping more, but still waking up constantly during the night. People note how I seem a bit better. Privately, I put this down to a genral acceptance that I'm HIV, and I'd better start living a stress free life!

Eleven weeks. Decide I need another test. See counsellor and doctor again beforehand, both of whom seem confident I'm OK and unconcerned by my ongoing symptoms (although only able to give the most speculative of alternative reasons for the spots and the tender swollen glands. Test is done, once again I wander around like a condemned man for a few hours, then go back for the result. The test is negative.

Again, no relief, only bewilderment and confusion, and an unwillingness to believe that my body, especially the gland areas, should be consistently problematic to me. The counsellor and doctor both tell me there's really no need to come back again, I'm near enough to the three months for something to have shown up. The counsellor even suggests I don't need to worry about safer sex with my partner, so confident is she that we have a definitive answer.

So that's my story. I'm aware its similar to others. Where does that leave me now? I'm convinced a large part of my problems have been stress related, but I still have problems accepting that this could cause the swelling and discomfort in the groin, armpits and neck. I'm scared that the counsellors and doctors I have seen regard me as predominantly a stress case and are not taking my symptoms seriously, although I'm also aware that they must see loads of simliar cases, and it really is in their interest to get to the truth of the matter. As for the negative result at eleven weeks? I should be relieved and I am going to try to take the experts' advice. I'm calm as I write this, although all the time I have tenderness and my groin, and often in my armpits and neck. I have the fear I've spent over four weeks seroconverting (from the time of the gland discomfort), without having produced enough antibodies to measure. I have the fear I have "something else" which isn't being picked up. I have had most of the other fears, obsessions and paranoias that have been described on previous pages. I notice that the situations are very similar to each other (often heterosexual men who did someting they shouldn't have done).

Thanks for reading this. Feel free to respond. Best wishes to you all.

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