CRAZY for the rest of my life????? - TheBody.com's Bulletin Boards

Okay, I know that every one of you is going to suggest that I be admitted to a mental hospital, but I need your help. Eight years ago, yes EIGHT, I had unprotected sex with a boyfriend I didn't really know much about. Well needless to say, six months later I was sicker than a dog and was positive I had HIV. Went to my health care provider had a test done and it was NEGATIVE. Things were better after that, two years down the road I start to feel sick again and get the idea of HIV/AIDS into my head again. So after much deliberation, I had another test done at a clinic, which once again came back negative. Well five years down the road and two years into my marriage (this was just last year) I again start to freak out about HIV/AIDS. Just for info, I never had another partner after this "boyfriend" until I met and then eventually married my husband who has been my only partner since the scare eight years ago. Well last year I started to get sick, I got cold sores literally every other week, I was throwing up everything I ate (including blood) and could not eat, sleep or function. So in October of 1999 I went to my doctor and told her what my worries were. She told me I shouldn't be concerned, and once again performed an HIV test which came back NEGATIVE. So for a few days I was okay, but this time I stayed worried instead of having a little bit of time in-between freak outs. So in December I took the plunge and had a PCR test done, anonymously, which guess what came back NEGATIVE. I also started to see a counselor who helped me deal with the guilt I was having about my past (which wasn't all that horrible). Well needless to say things were great the beginning of the year, I felt healthy until I caught a cold in August. Well I was okay with that, but now I have had a dry cough for two months and you guessed it, I am once again worried that I have HIV/AIDS. I am convinced that I have PCP or TB and I am also convinced that I have a rare strain of the disease that cannot be picked up by conventional tests or that I have never produced anitbodies like the one other person who had this happen. Well needless to say, I need help, what do you all think? I know that you probably all think I should be committed, but for me this is something that has affected my life for EIGHT years. Needless to say my husband is plum sick of my worrying (he is extremely supportive and a total saint to put up with me), but I just can't get this fear out of my mind. I am also worried that I may have become infected from an unconventional type of transmission. Now I am starting to sound like a real freak, but I don't know what to do with myself. I was on Paxil in December and last saw my counselor in February when things were going great. Do you all think I need to go back and visit with her???? Also, I know this is going to sound crazy, but is there any way in hell that someone could have that many tests done and still have HIV/AIDS, and what about HIV-2 or those other rare strains out there??? Sorry for the book, but I know I have a problem and I want to get it fixed bottom line, what do you all suggest? What can I do to stop freaking out over this everytime I get sick???? Thank you so much for your help and please humor me I know that I am a mental case.

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