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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

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alwaysscared
Unregistered

never ending fear
      #102099 - 07/21/04 06:14 PM

I have been fearing hiv for approx 7 yrs. I've gone through periods of fearing everything from oral sex to hand jobs to grinding without penetration. I am a gay man who completely accepts my sexuality but still fears hiv more than the average person. I work, go out, have friends, try to lead a normal life but with the overhanging fear of hiv always there. I do have sexual encounters and am always safe. condoms for anal , but will do oral if the guy doesnt have much pre-cum and never to ejaculation. After any encounter , no matter how safe I am i will find a reason to worry. I usually get over it within a few days, or until i find another reason to worry about the same encounter or a completely different experience makes me worry about the new one. I realize I am obsessed with something that I shouldnt be thinking about too much since i am safe. I get tested 1 or 2 times a year which is probably not too much considering how much i worry about it.

Does anyone hav any suggestions on what I can do? I have never met anyone that says they are positive, and cant imagine hiv spreading so easy , otherwise we would all be dead by now. I cannot possibly do more to protect myself besides abstinence which is not a realistic option. sometimes i wonder if getting it would finally end all the fears...but that is just being stupid too...

please help me.

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Broken_Angel1
Guru

Reged: 02/26/04
Posts: 272
Loc: Arizona
Re: never ending fear new
      #102103 - 07/21/04 06:47 PM

I know you are worried. But I have been in a relationship for 13 years with a negative person and he is not HIV! And yes, we kiss, have sex....

But you must realize that you are destroying any chances you have at a normal life by obsessing about GETTING HIV. It is scary to think you may have it but you are taking precautions.

In my opinion, you are making your life much worse than HIV could, by focusing every thought on avoiding it. Live your life, take normal precautions or you are not living at all.

It also may be a good idea to speak to a counselor to discuss your fear.

Good Luck!


--------------------
"No act of kindness,
no matter how small,
is ever wasted." AESOP


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Jess
Unregistered

Re: never ending fear new
      #102105 - 07/21/04 07:38 PM

Good for you that you are always protected. Its understandable that you worry about this disease. But as long as you are prtecting yourself everytime, and getting tested every year, then relax. As for HIV by oral. There has been some studies that it may can be passed on this way, but the possiblity of it happening it much lower than trasmitting it by anal and vaginal sex. So if you still worry, maybe using a dental dam will help since you will know you are protected during oral as well. Good luck and stay safe.- Jess

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alwaysscared
Unregistered

Re: never ending fear new
      #102112 - 07/21/04 07:47 PM

thanks to both of you. i have wasted probably years of my life worrying about hiv. the hours of i have spent daily online, and time spent sitting in my bed thinking, the days calling in sick to work... have probably added up to years of wasted time. i just want to be happy. that's all...is that too much to ask? thanks again.

about the oral. i dont worry too much about it

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