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LonelyIndianaguy
Unregistered

My partner never told me about his status
      #99902 - 06/14/04 11:12 PM

Me and my partner have been together now for 14 years.

I learned three years ago that he is HIV poz, although he never had the balls to tell me himself. I managed to remain naegative I should say.

I have spent these lat years being so angry that I can barely breathe at times. He found healthcare for himself as well as counseling etc. to help him through. He never bothered to inform me of his status nor did he bother to assist me with testing or counseling. He has a "oh well" sort of attitude and it hurts me.

When I learned of his condition, I sought testing for myself as well as physological counseling to help me through the emotions of being deceived. Every gay social service agency in Chicago (that's the city nearest to us) basically told me to go screw myself. They made me feel as if a negative person has no right to counseling. I feel now that if I were irresponsible and became infected, the whole gay community would kiss my ass and give me help. The fact that I have lived resonsibly and remained negative have made me irrelevant in the eyes of the gay community.

I have no one to turn to and need to know that there is someone who might talk to me. It's been a lonely and scary few years.

I really need to understand the mindset of a person who managed to stay negative through all the crazy 1970's/80's and even lost a past lover to AIDS. How can this type of person manage to become infected?

My partner won't talk to me and I just don't understand the situation. I need a friend.

Thanks.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: My partner never told me about his status new
      #99910 - 06/15/04 01:52 AM

hey I was just surfing the web and came across this site....if you need to talk to someone try aidsmeds.com ....go to the living with hiv forum , you will no doubt find help there.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: My partner never told me about his status new
      #99939 - 06/15/04 02:45 PM

what are you still doing with this guy? And why do you care that he won't talk to you? In my opinion, you should see a therapist cause you are not angry at HIM! That's the person you should be furious with! Why are you still with him?

Edited by TheBody (06/18/04 01:04 PM)

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: My partner never told me about his status new
      #100018 - 06/16/04 05:22 PM

Consider yourself fortunate for finding out and remaining negative. I am however blown away that you are still with this jerk. Obviously he is not an honest person. It is because of people who think like he does that this disease is so rampant in the Gay community. And it is never going to go away. I am sorry to hear you did not receive the support you needed from the Gay community. If I were you I would find a professional to talk to concerning your issues. Be very careful and remember that condoms break and accidents happen. Having said that I would also suggest that you get tested for Hepatitis A,B,and C as well as all other STD's. It is not uncommon for these to be found in HIV+ individuals as well. So you could have been exposed to these as well. As far as your partner not wanting to communicate with you about this issue it is because he does not really care about your well being. He has proven that. He is probably also in denial at the same time. Get yourself some support no matter what it takes, and if you are wise you will get your ass away from him and find someone that cares about you and not out to kill you.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: My partner never told me about his status new
      #100210 - 06/21/04 01:36 PM

I'm so sorry that you have to go thru this. You need to move on, put it behind you, and leave him. You deserve better.
jdelatorre65@yahoo.com


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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: My partner never told me about his status new
      #100342 - 06/24/04 05:49 PM

find the sharpest knife in the kitchen and stap him in the balls then say he tried to attack you and fell on the knife

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yorfutrxhsbnd
Unregistered

Re: My partner never told me about his status new
      #100630 - 07/01/04 08:14 AM

You know I have never been in a relationship and its a BIG ISSUE in my life right now. Then, I hear a story like yours, and I think, maybe my life is not so bad. Dump the boyfriend. Anyone who doesn't have the humanity to tell their significant other about this would be cast from my life permanently. You deserve better and if you stick with him after his betrayal, BETRAYAL, then you have problems with your self esteem. DUMP THE ASSHOLE.

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paman1964
New User

Reged: 07/01/04
Posts: 22
Re: My partner never told me about his status new
      #100679 - 07/01/04 09:30 PM

Your lover sounds like an arrogant uncaring individual! Dump him and find someone who cares.

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PozInFl
New User

Reged: 06/29/04
Posts: 12
Loc: Northeastern FL
Re: My partner never told me about his status new
      #100754 - 07/04/04 06:19 AM

My first thought to all of this is to take care of yourself first!!! I would strongly suggest, reviewing your relationship and find out if this is a healthy place for you...Yes, 14 years is a long time to be together, however, the way your partner is treating you, having no regards for your situation, is very telling from an outside view...

I find it mind blowing as well that in our community there is virtually no resources for people who are neg or are in a POZ/Neg relationship...I would get a copy of the Gay Yellow Pages for Chicago, and look for a therapist...If you have health insurance, I'm sure you could figure out a way to use it for therapy...My other suggestion is to contact th Gay Community Center in Chicago and see if they would provide a space so you could create a group for Neg people dealing with these issues...That would do more than you know not only for yourself, but for the community as well...

Email me if you would like to talk more:
pozinfl@yahoo.com

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: My partner never told me about his status new
      #100855 - 07/06/04 11:54 PM

You are a lucky and very fortunate human being. Other people, like me, didn´t have the same luck. When my EX-partner told me about his status was in the middle of a fight after 9 months of being together and followed by him trying to stabb me with a pair of scissors. Obviously he didn´t kill me that night, but part of me was murdered by his actions. He had been positive for more than 7 years by then. So, please, do yourself a favor and dump this guy where he belongs (out of your life). . . and, believe me, the sun will come out tomorrow. The night I told you about was 14 months ago and life still goes on.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: My partner never told me about his status new
      #100896 - 07/07/04 04:25 PM

Boy this sounds familiar. I did not find out for 5 years and my partner and I were together 13 years. His excuse, "I thought you would leave me." So much for his confidence in our relationship. Problem is that as a couple you are there to lean on each other which you can't do if you have a dishonest partner. He not only was dishonest and allowed me to be infected; he never gave me a chance to deal with the issue. He decided it was better for me not to know.

After going through therapy I finally put an end to the relationship. Now he spins a different set of events--which I gave it to him. As if who did what makes any difference after the fact.

There is no way you can live in a relationship once trust has been lost. It will never be as it was prior to finding out you were deceived. Especially at this level. You clearly are angry and that will always affect the relationship. Believe me; I struggled for over a year making the decision to leave. But as my therapist told me would happen, I now look back and am very happy I made the decision to end the relationship.

I have been in a new relationship now for 3 years and my partner is not positive. I made it a point to tell him on our first date because I know how important that is. I’ll never forget what he said, “I’m still here.” So make the tough choice and believe me you will be so much better in the long run. It will be painful no doubt, but you'll be a better person for it. Good luck and I wish I could give you a hug!


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EDDIE__VASQUEZ
Member

Reged: 10/30/04
Posts: 35
Loc: FLORIDA
Re: My partner never told me about his status new
      #113482 - 11/01/04 08:10 PM

I LIVED THE SAME SITUATION LIKE YOU,BUT YOU'RE LUCKY. YOU'RE NOT INFECTED.I DID. HE DIED 6 YRS AGO.AND AM SO DAM ANGRY AT HIM FOR DESTROYING MY LIFE.THE BEST THING FOR YOU IS TO WALK NOW.YEA YOU'LL BE HEART BROKEN,YOU WILL GET OVER THAT.ITS YOUR LIFE THAT IS AT STAKE.I ADVICE YOU TO WALK.AND AS FOR THAT PLACE YOU WENT TOO THAT MAKE YOU FEEL CRAPY.YOU SHOULD REPORT THEM TO THE RYAN WHITE FUNDATION.THEY WILL TAKE CARE OF THOSE BASTERDS. AND ANOTHER THING.ITS OPTIONAL.WHY DON'T YOU BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF YOUR LOVER FOR PUTTING YOU THRU ALL THAT SHIT. KICK HIS ASS FOR ME 2. IF YOU WANT TO CHAT EMAIL ME AT STARBLADE32905@YAHOO.COM TAKE CARE AND GOD BLESS P.S WHIP HIS ASS.

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DavidSolomon
Member

Reged: 02/17/06
Posts: 95
Loc: Gilbert (Phoenix) Arizona
Re: My partner never told me about his status new
      #175961 - 02/19/06 07:22 PM

I will be glad to talk with you. My email is in my profile. We kind of have something in common at the onsite in a way. I am in Arizona now, but was born and raised in Peoria, Illinois, so know the area there. Are you around the La Port area, or further south towards Crawfordsville?

david.

--------------------
David

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