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mr. ed
Unregistered

releasing a twenty year anger over my infecter
      #99682 - 06/08/04 10:40 PM

Hey i'm in theropy again and just finnally after almost twenty years mad as hell and need to vent . Back in 1985 I fell inlove with what I thought was the perfect person for me . I was living in houston and it was a geographical change to get away from aids . Instead I got involved with some one I fell head over heals for and got infected.
I had worked with some one involve with the national gay task force so early on when they first started getting information out as grid I turned my sex habits around and started practicing safe sex . But not to long after I moved to texas I met and fell in love with Lou he was from flushings new york and just a year and a half out of a 20 some odd year relationship. We were both healthy or so i thought so early on he convinced me that we could just keep things betwen us and I let my guard and we began having unprotected sex. He had told me he ad been safe since the end of his relationship so we settled into our routine and went with our lives.
A year and a half later he got sick and died in two weeks time . He had aids related lymphoma in the bone marrow . So at that time I had to come out for him to his sisters and also tell them he was dieing. I was only twenty six and absolutly beside myself. his sister came down and we went through the process together we bonded and became close.
Gilda Lou's sister kept repeat all the time I can't believe my brother did this to you and I would not hear of it . This was my first relationship were I thought the love was not one sided and more or less made a saint out of him. But a saint he wasn't his closest freinds all asked if wwe had been practicing safe sex because they told me between his last relationship and us he had just about lived in the bathes in new york or were ever he went and had hepitisus during that period . They also came up with a list of people he had dated that had disappaer from the sence not to be seen again.
In the back of my head I would not let this sink in and would not let go of image of him or even think that he would do this to me. that would have been letting go of the perfect lover till he died image and letting the liar and betrayer he turned out to be in. I don't know why maybe self defense but I have held onto this for almost twenty years.
Well the last 9 years i have been in a relationship with a partner that is not posative . The virus has always been an issue and it should be . But the past year or so this broke down and we are now in couple counciling . I was told to write a letter to the virus and let out my feelings and the top of that list was my betrayel by my dead lover. I can not tell you what has finnally come out I wrote a letter to him and wished he was here so i could have shoved it up his ass with a stick ot two of tnt . I am overwelmed with anger at this point and need to vent the counciler sugested post something on a bulletin board so here i am . I'm interested in hear from other and their experiences . Also I have been very lucky In nearly twenty years have had no magor health problems other than reaction to meds am currently on a cocktail I tolerate well have a count just under 500 and a viral load just above 1000 . I do need to have my gall bladder out wich the doctor is surpized I have hung onto for so long . So there it is even if no one has I response I have gotten it out and hopefully am on my way back to my normal life thanks mr. ed

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: releasing a twenty year anger over my infecte new
      #99683 - 06/09/04 02:12 AM

how did he betray you ? you think he knew he was positive ? why didnt you ever go test together ? I dont get it

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: releasing a twenty year anger over my infecte new
      #99719 - 06/09/04 07:26 PM

You are a stereotypical homosexual. Even though you knew that there was a high chance of getting aids you still participated in gay sexx.

Now the world is to blame.

You and no one else in this world are to blame.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: releasing a twenty year anger over my infecter new
      #99908 - 06/14/04 11:52 PM

In my opinion, you are wasting alot of time and energy trying to find someone to blame. You had unsafe sex with a positive partner, it happens. The outcome is unfortunate for you. As i remember the early to mid-80s, varying dergrees of advise and confusion reigned.

That you have used individual's names, even if only first names, along with georgraphical references is outrageous.

It is in your interest to stop complaining and looking for someone to blame and get on with your life. This was interesting, but not useful.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: releasing a twenty year anger over my infecter new
      #99909 - 06/15/04 01:50 AM

please go to aidsmeds.com ....you will be welcome there

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: releasing a twenty year anger over my infecte new
      #100552 - 06/29/04 04:34 PM

I am sorry that in twenty years you have not had the opportunity to look at your own responsibility, he was your partner not your nanny, by the way, who did you think was responsible for your body? long, long ago, condoms has been in use, and you didn't use condoms because you decided not to, anyone decides what to believe or not. Look for an encouraging counselor and stop blaming dead people.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: releasing a twenty year anger over my infecte new
      #100888 - 07/07/04 12:32 PM

hey i just wanna tell u that i love u

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EDDIE__VASQUEZ
Regular

Reged: 10/30/04
Posts: 35
Loc: FLORIDA
Re: releasing a twenty year anger over my infecter new
      #113311 - 10/30/04 11:11 PM

DEAR MISTER ED, I FELT VERY TOUCHED BY WHAY HAPPEN TO YOU.THAT WAS REALLY MESSED UP. I WOULD LIKE TO CHAT WITH YOU,IF ITS OK WITH YOU. MY EMAIL IS STARBLADE32905@YAHOO.COM TAKE CARE. SINCERELY EDDIE

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EDDIE__VASQUEZ
Regular

Reged: 10/30/04
Posts: 35
Loc: FLORIDA
Re: releasing a twenty year anger over my infecte new
      #113312 - 10/30/04 11:18 PM

THIS IS TO THE MESSED UP.WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE. THE MAN MADE A MISTAKE CAUSE HE FELL IN LOVE. AND HE WAS BETRAYED BY HIS LOVER. ALL OF YOU ATACKING THIS PERSON,YOU PEOPLE ARE WORSE THEN GARBAGE.WHAT I WOULD CALL YOU UNOS CHORROS DE CABRONES.

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