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HIV Life >> Gay Men

Pages: 1
New User

Reged: 04/12/04
Posts: 3
Loc: Casto Valley, CA
+/- Relationship Help
      #95120 - 04/12/04 04:04 AM

I met my soul mate nearly a year ago - he is HIV+ and I'm HIV-... During the year together we've experienced a lot of different emotions and troubles like any relationship would, however I'm starting to feel as if my partner is really angry all of the time - I feel as if he's bossing me around and just down right mean to me all of the time now that he's recently started to have to take medications. I know he's under a lot of stress, and so am I, however we just can't seem to get through this tough time. I want for us to get some help, and all he wants is to leave me... What shall I do? I feel that if I just let him go then I might be giving up on him and this disease...and the thought of that just tears me up inside.

Fortunate for me, my partner has taken me to his doctor appointments frequently so that I may stay up to date with his health and to be able to establish my own comfort level with his doctor... At last visit I asked the doctor for help for my partner as he's under a lot of stress right now. The doctor gave him some suggestions as to who to talk to, but he's not taking the necessary steps to make it happen. Should I go about contacting his doctor without his consent to see if she might do something more to convince him to seek help?? At what point do I just throw in the towel and give up?!?! I love him so much I can barely read what I'm typing now from the rush of tears in my eyes...

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Re: +/- Relationship Help new
      #95141 - 04/12/04 05:20 AM

The 10-year Padian study observed sexually active
couples in which one partner was HIV positive. The result: in 10 years, not
one uninfected partner contracted HIV, even though all participants admitted
to having sex without condoms. The study states, 'We followed up 175
HIV-discordant couples over time, for a total of approximately 282
couple-years of follow up. The longest duration of follow-up was 12 visits
(6 years). We observed no seroconversion [infection] after entry into the
study." In the three-year Stewart study (1985) not one male partner of
HIV-positive women contracted HIV. Prostitution is not even listed as an HIV
risk category by the CDC, because of the extremely low incidence of HIV
transmission to clients who have no other risk factors (i.e. drug abuse).

These findings bolster the hypothesis of some AIDS scientists that chronic
malnutrition and other environmental factors, and not a sexually-transmitted
virus, are the causes of weakened immunity in people diagnosed with one of
the nearly 30 AIDS-defining diseases (which vary from country to country).

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Re: +/- Relationship Help new
      #95161 - 04/12/04 07:18 PM

Quit staying up so late! You're obviously too tired to read beyond the Subject line and no help to him at all. What's wrong, no bathouses in your area? Leave us alone.

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New User

Reged: 04/06/04
Posts: 4
Re: +/- Relationship Help new
      #96181 - 04/21/04 06:11 PM

I am in a very different situation than you are, but i can understand what you must be going through. I am not sure what advice I could give that could help you . Just don't give up on him !
If you would like to have someone to vent to I know that I can at least lend an ear, feel free to e-mail me any time.
I might not respond in a timely manner but I will always respond back.
Good luck to you and your partner!

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New User

Reged: 04/27/04
Posts: 5
Loc: Michigan
Re: +/- Relationship Help new
      #96578 - 04/27/04 02:37 AM

As much as it hurts to hear it sometimes you have to respect the wishes of a person that wants to leave. It usually is a fera based responce and they are trying to deal with it by not dealing with it. I agree that you should not give up on him but maybe some "space" would allow him the time to deal with his anxiety and any other mental health issue. try not to look at it has him leaving you, but consider that it may be something like quilt or fear that once evaluated might be easier to deal with and thus make your relationship stronger. I know that as a POZ man I sometimes have to clear my head because os all the little things that slowly add up and make us feel like basket cases. Also it would be a good chance for you to find out about things that you can do to help him deal with the stress.
No easy answer but good luck and let me know how it goes.

Living with AIDS in Northern Michigan. Let your voice be heard!

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New User

Reged: 04/22/04
Posts: 5
Loc: Louisville, KY
Re: +/- Relationship Help new
      #96824 - 04/28/04 06:11 AM

I am pretty much in the same boat. it is so hard my hubbys meds make him feel sick which makes him grumpy and I seem to get the blunt of it....B. we do have a lot in common, we love our men and they are sick. we want to help them but they act as if they dont need it. We are damned if we do and damned if we dont. I will pray for the 2 of you.
Good luck,

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Re: +/- Relationship Help new
      #98680 - 05/13/04 09:32 AM

My name is Achi Nadia from ivory coast in west Africa presently residing in Dakar Senegal as refugee.
My hobbies are reading,music,watching of movies and playing of basket ball.
I was impressed when i saw your profile and will like to
establishe a long lasting relation ship with you.
In addition,i will like you to reply me through my private e mail
box( ).
Thanks waiting to hear from you soonest.
MIss Achi Nadia

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Re: +/- Relationship Help new
      #111296 - 09/05/04 01:34 PM

hi there!, i dont come in here often at all but i just saw your message, what can i say... my partner is hiv- and i'm hiv+ man i dont know how this guy stands me i'm a BITCH, somethimes i feel sorry for him the way i treat him but you know what i'm a very reasonable person i've been hiv+ since 1995 and on meds since 2000, i think the meds mess up our brains somehow and they probably know it plus we come across too much stress... is just soooo much, we feel guilty, we feel rejected, we feel sad, miserables all in one just imagine that, i'm not trying to make it easy for him but i seriously think u shouldnt give up on him just give him time... you know what dont pay attention to everything he sais or does cause is because he wants you to feel the same as he does he needs help anyway, he needs to talk to someone, if you love him help him dont feel like he is doing this to hurt you he is using it as a defense mechanism, i wanted to live her more than twice but you know what i dont know what i would do on my own would be harder so take your time most important dont let all this afect you cause then you cant think clear and i hope this is not too late my e-mail is if you want to talk bye

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