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HIV Life >> Gay Men

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Dazzler
Unregistered

Dating HIV Positives Only
      #80026 - 01/07/04 05:29 AM

Hey Everyone!

First off...this is an awesome site. Secondly, I was just wondering how you all felt about only dating others who are positive.

I feel that this would be my best bet in finding someone to date and hopefully fall in love with, but other friends of mine say I should opt for HIV negs along with POS. For me I think that being with a person who is in the same boat as me would alleviate some of the awkwardness of meds, being sick, worrying, disclosure, etc., that we all face. God knows dating and finding someone to spend your life with is hard enough as it is.

Personally I am having a hard time finding even HIV pos people in my area (Minnesota) just to connect with. There are various associations for pos people here, but once you've seen everyone, you've just plain seen everyone.

It's very closeted as far as HIV here, i.e. more people here have it but are not as open as in San Fran, or New York. Should I consider moving. What do you all think?

In a Pickle

Dazzler6513@earthlink.net



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Dating HIV Positives Only new
      #80041 - 01/07/04 12:35 PM

Dazzler, it would seem that you should not limit you dating to HIV+ only. There are lots of compassionate gay men and I know several relationships that are both status (+/-) which work out well. I know that some men feel as you do about looking for a fellow + person and I do feel that way also, but would never give up an oportunity to have a relationship with a negative individual if interest seemed to go that direction. Being positive is confusing sometimes. Hope you the best in your indevores.



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Dating HIV Positives Only new
      #80430 - 01/10/04 02:49 PM

Hi first of all I want to say a big Happy New Year to all and hope you stay around to see many more. I must say that it is more comfortable dating someone who is also HIV+ because it would at least decrease some of the hardship we are already facing. Second the more open and honest you are to anyone makes the resltionship even better. We want to be healthy and stay that way so why should one put themselves into another difficult situation. I should say that I am a living proof, I am in a relationship with my partner who is also positive and life could not be any better. There are no secrets or embrassing moments because we both know what time it is. And you do not have to move from your hometown to another area just because the circumstances are different. I would say hang in there and who knows your other half might be just right around the corner. Take care and I hope this might but a little hope on things. Happy in NYC.



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Tiguex
Unregistered

Re: Dating HIV Positives Only new
      #80888 - 01/14/04 04:31 PM

Hello Everyone,
I sure wish I had an answer to that question, its something that I have been trying to figure out myself and I have been positive for nearly 19 years. You would think that after all that time I would have a little insight, now wouldnt you?
I have mixed feelings about the topic, my first inclination is that over the years I have deliberately seeked out only other positive guys as hopefully prospective partners, but it occurred to me that by limiting myself to only positive men I was also limiting my chances of having a partnership with maybe someone negative, but Mister Right nonetheless. But Ive always felt more comfortable dating just positive guys because it just seems so less complicated when you both know, theres nothing to have to devulge. I wish it was that way that poz and negs would be able to couple and have a life together, but honestly.. I dont ever see it. First let me say that I live in a rural area of NM and not only are there no gay outlets here, but no HIV outlets either. So being a gay poz man in Nowhere, NM is may I say quite the challenge. But what I do see is poz people segregating themselves from the rest of the world, and why you ask? Because they are damn tired of being rejected by negative guys who treat us like we are a biohazard. Dont think it doesnt happen, we can listen to our case managers and our psychologists and our mental heath facilitators, and they will all tell us that we need to integrate with the rest of the gay world. Were segregating ourselves, or maybe isolating ourselves is a better word, but this is just what I see from an objective point of view. I like to know if others are finding that this type of seperatist behavior goes on in your necks of the woods. I also invite any one to provide me with their experiences and feelings about "inter-status" dating.
Questioning Tiguex

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Mikeybob
Unregistered

Re: Dating HIV Positives Only new
      #85199 - 02/03/04 11:29 PM

Dazzler,
I understand putting energy into only HIV+ men. I lost my partner Tom last year and am finding the single scene somewhat difficult. I feel like only another HIV+ person could truly understand what it is like. I know there may be compassionate HIV- guys out there. Still, I find myself only wanting involvement with HIV+ men. Everyone is different but this is how it works for me. It must be difficult to live in an area where there is not alot of openess about HIV or even being gay. I live in Wisconsin and know how that can be difficult. I now live in Madison which is very open and supportive of the HIV community. You are not alone in your feelings. I think the only possibility for me will be with another HIV+ man. If your looking for someone to talk with I have a good ear. Muffin8r@tds.net is where I can be reached.
Otherwise, thanks for sharing and know you are not alone in your thoughts about HIV+ dating and relationship.
Michael

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fightback
Member

Reged: 04/14/04
Posts: 13
Loc: Los Angeles
Re: Dating HIV Positives Only new
      #95911 - 04/17/04 03:52 PM

I just found out last month, and have no idea when I will be in the right frame of mind to date again. I'm 35, but i don't think I would limit myself to just positive men. If I fell for a negagtive guy and he for me I would go for it!

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EDDIE__VASQUEZ
Regular

Reged: 10/30/04
Posts: 35
Loc: FLORIDA
Re: Dating HIV Positives Only new
      #113349 - 10/31/04 03:24 PM

HI DAZLER, IF YOU LOVE WHERE YOU LIVE,YOU DON'T HAVE TO MOVE.SOONER OR LATER SOMEONE WILL POP UP.IN YOUR LIFE. HAVE YOU EVER CHECKED OUT GAY.COM-------------I DID AND MET SOMEONE SPECIAL.GIVE IT A SHOT.

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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Dating HIV Positives Only new
      #165357 - 11/26/05 04:34 PM

I found/find it very challenging to date someone who is not HIV+ !!!!!!!

May I send you a link to a profile of mine?


Hug
Terry

TLCramer56@msn.com

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