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j michael
Unregistered

panic attacks
      #797 - 03/30/00 04:40 PM


Panic Attacks. I just woke up in a panic attack in the middle of
the night. My partner is out of town on business and I really
didn't know what to do...So, here I am on the board to make sense
of this.

I was diagnosed HIV+ on May 12, 1998. I called my insurance co.
and designated a well-known HIV ID Dr. as my primary care
physician that afternoon and got an appointment for the following
day. We ran the tests and ten days later I got the results --
T-cells 182, and viral load 140,000. I returned to work stunned
and my boss called me into the office and fired me less than two
hours after leaving the doctor's office. I was working for the
State and was still within the year-long probation period. He
didn't need a reason to fire me and never offered one. I had
never had any indication that there was ever anything wrong with
my performance and I left work feeling mauled.

But, they let me work four weeks before my last day and I found
another job within ten days of being out of work (at a higher
salary too!)

Things are great at my new job. THe company is very gay friendly
and I enjoy what I am doing. I even bought a new car last week.
My t-cells are up from my combo therapy and my viral load is now
undetectable. So why the panic attacks???

I guess I am still nervous about being in a new position, still
on three-month probation and feeling vulnerable from my last
experience. I've been having headaches and although the ct scan
was clear, I'm still having trouble concentrating and remembering
names. I know I've had a lot of turmoil this summer but I am
ready to just get on with it.

Does anyone else have similar experience and how did you move on
to start LIVING with HIV instead of this constant sense of dread?

Well, I guess I'll try once again to get to sleep. I feel a bit
calmer having had someplace to tell my story and what I am
feeling. I know I need to build a support network but haven't
found the time yet to really get involved regularly with a
support group. My job includes some evening and weekend marketing
work and I've been so tired from the meds that I get home and
crash rather than run back out to a meeting.

If you are interested in starting a pen-pal relationship, please
write me. I could really use the friendships. Thanks for
listening. J.Michael



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bob
Unregistered

Re: panic attacks new
      #799 - 03/30/00 04:41 PM

Dear J. Michael: It's not too surprising you're having panic
attacks. You've had a lot of stress in your life in the last few
months--a new disease, a new job, a new car, new insurance (I
hope). I know I feel anxious about my health, my ability to
continue working as vigorously, and fear that if I do become sick
my car payments and visa payments and house payments would fall
behind in a matter of months. Weeks, maybe...

A couple of years ago I was having anxiety attacks as I watched
my partner slide to what I thought was a sure death (he's still
here!). I got a prescription for Buspar which is an
anti-depressant and anti=anxiety drug. It worked great and it's
not sedating like atavan (sp?) or valium. Oddly enough I stopped
taking it this spring after I was diagnosed and started on the
cocktail (what a misnomer). I figured I had enough pills to take
and the anxiety seemed under control, though lately I have been
waking in the middle of the night--wide awake--and have to get up
and read. I'm not sure what that's all about. I did get pretty
sick 4th of July weekend with abad reaction to Viramune and I
still worry that the cure will kill me though I seem to be
tolerating things OK lately. Anyway, I think your anxiety is a
pretty normal reaction to the stress in your life and I think
pouring it out on the bulletin board is a good way to cope. If
you'd like to correspond more my address is bob541@msn.com. Bob



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: panic attacks new
      #800 - 03/30/00 04:42 PM

Seek legal advice re: your previous employer. I had a similar situation and jury selection begins next week. Glad you like your new job maybe even enough to not back pedal into legal stuff.
best of luck!!



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