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dating positive
#43356 - 11/09/02 06:58 AM
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I would like a little advice and a little feed back. I am HIV-neg. But I met the most, handsome, honest, down to earth, quality guy you ever would want to meet, and he is HIV-positive. He was very open and honest about being HIV-pos, first thing in conversation. The chemistry is there, I could basically fall in love with this person, and be with him for the rest of my life. The one draw back is, how do I deal with this. My mind and heart tell me go for it.....be happy. Then, a little voice in my head has me detoured and then I dwell on the question. Will I be safe, will the relationship, health, sex, be the same as any relationship? Am I being selfish? Foolish? Or careful? I'm confused and I havn't had anything like this thrown in my face before. Please someone give me a little advise...........Thank you
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I don't know what too tell you. But just follow your heart and educate yourself on the matter. Good luck. HIV is not a death sentence, it's an obstacle. Just follow your heart, you only find one soul mate in a life-time.
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I have been with my partner for 20 wonderful years and we expect a much longer time together. He is Pos. and I am Neg. and we were this status when we met. Living with HIV, after the initial shock and adjustment period, is something we don't even think about anymore, just a fact of our lives.
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When you meet someone you really like there are many things you like and others that appear as warning signs. HIV may be a challenge down the road. But it need not be. People with HIV nowadays are like people with Diabetes...would you get involved with someone with diabetes? OR hepatitis? Or herpes? Also you have to weigh if he has things you won't easily find elsewhere. My boyfriend has some unique combinations that I really have never seen in one individual before. And so even with an illness he is still spectacular. And he doesn't make a big deal about his illness. He just deals with it and I don't have to take care of him particularly. So really it's a personal decision. And a deep one. Cause it means you are really thinking and feeling and opening up. It's not the easiest thing. But the rewards are immense if you decide well. Accepting anyone else with full knowledge of their easy baggage and difficult baggage is challenging and many don't bother doing it.
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Go for it! You never can tell which partner will lead you down a difficult road. My ex-partner was negative but it turned out 6 months into the relationship that he was almost a sex addict and had to continually go on the internet and find conquests...Another partner turned out to be afraid of intimacy...etc. So you're always taking a chance. Here you know one of the difficulties...and you never know if it will work out anyway! Don't be scared away.
A good man is hard to find.
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First: How certain can you be that you are not HIV+?
Second: How certain can you be that those you´ve been with are not HIV+?
Third: How certain can you be that those you will soon or later will not be HIV+?
THINK ABOUT IT.
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I can only tell you that my boyfriend never flinched when I was diagnosed with HIV. His love never changed or made me feel any less a person. In fact I was the one with more doubt worrying that I might infect him or that he would be better off without me. 3 years later we live our lives thankfully with no health problems. I still have my worries at times during the low points which come and go, but basically our relationship has not changed. Good people are very rare, dont let it stop you.
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filliesandmares
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Do you want to date a man that is HIV+? You must decide. Be honest with yourself. You can use protection you know. I am speaking from experience. I dated several men who were HIV+. I just made sure that I used protection. Be honest with your friend and communicate.
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Everybody can only do what is right for them. Its one of those things where you need to weigh what it is worth to you. As being somebody that is HIV+, I find the thought of dating a negative man scary. I personally wouldn't be able to live with knowing I infected him. Even though a negative person makes their own choices, as positive people we still need to make sure we can live with the possible outcome as well. So many people mention safe sex, but how safe is safe sex?
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I am in the same position as the original person who posted this message. I have met a guy who is pos and who told me right away. I've "dated" guys who are pos, and even fooled around with them, but this guy is different. We immediately established a "connection" that completely blows my mind. I want to consider dating him on a permanent basis and eventually if things go well, do the LTR/livin thing. All of your posts have helped me. I am so into this guy that I came here to search for answers to my questions and educate myself more about being with an person who is positive. I have not told him about me searching, but will probably tell him eventually. Thanks guys for your helpful insights!
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