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Anonymous
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Dating negative people
      #43193 - 11/07/02 12:33 PM

I'm trying to get into the dating mode, but I can't imagine anyone negative wanting to date me once they learn I'm postive (I have someone in mind, someone I met before I was diagnosed). I know when I was negative I would have probably had a hard time dating someone postive. So I'm interested in hearing from people who are dating and meeting different people.Negative people dating postive people and postive people dating negative people and how has it worked out.
Thanks!



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musclecub
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Reged: 09/04/02
Posts: 2
Loc: Greenfield, MA
Re: Dating negative people new
      #43202 - 11/07/02 04:24 PM

I am currently dating a negative person after being diagnosed earlier this year. I was a bit apprehensive about he put my mind at ease. I have found the more educated the person is both from schooling and real life that their are less issues that come up in regards to the HIV.



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Anonymous
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Re: Dating negative people new
      #43207 - 11/07/02 05:30 PM

I think that you just have to approach it differently. I mean if you want to have a more serious, real relationship you'll have to get to know the person and make him care about you before you get involved and you're ready to tell. Then he will at least be tempted to get involve with you.



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Anonymous
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Re: Dating negative people new
      #43601 - 11/11/02 06:50 PM

More people then you would think would have sex with someone positive...Relationships is where sometimes they hesitate. Cause they have old ideas...death and dying and they may not want to deal with that. But they are wrong to be thinking about death and dying for people with HIV anymore. I mean it's just not such a reality. You got to be positive in atitutde and just be your attractive self and you'll attract negative and positive people!



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Single Boy
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Re: Dating negative people new
      #44125 - 11/17/02 02:27 AM

I'm glad that you raised the question. It is funny - when i was negative, this was the easiest question in the world. After meeting someone that i cared about, was attracted to, and who was patient with me in explaining when it is and is not transmissible, I was motivated enough to do my own research. I spoke with sero-discordant couples (or at least the negative ones in the couple), read up on it, talked some more, and became comfortable as an HIV-negative man with dating the man.

That relationship lasted 3 weeks.

But it DID prepare me for the next one...one with a loving, kind man. This long-term relationship (lasting several years) was the best one of my life. My conditions for being in it were simple: I would never leave him because he had HIV, and I would never stay with him because he had HIV. As long as he took basic care of himself (went to the doctor when he was suppose to and took his meds) there was no problem for me. It did help that I did not know about it immediately (and we did not have sex until I actually knew). I cared about him, not about his infection. In the end, being in a sero-discordant relationship was much much harder on him. He at times felt unlovable and unworthy. He also felt uncomfortable when I reminded him to take his meds if he had forgotten. Those were the big issues.

Now that I am on the other side of the fence and am positive (NOT related to this long-term relationship), I understand the way you feel. I at times feel unworthy, unlovable, or a little bit like a pirriah. But then again, I look around and see some other people in mixed status couples. And I remember how I felt and I know that i could not be the only one who was willing as a negative man to go into a mixed-status relationship (i don't look, talk or act like Mother Theresa, so i'm not a saint). And this gives me a little bit of hope that i will be able to find a relationship some day.

I am only a sample of one, so obviously not everyone is going to act or feel the way i do. I know that there will be some rejection. But heaven knows that there was enough rejection when i was a negative man, so I don't mind the "super-value-meal" version of rejection every now and then. It happens.

I wish you luck. I wish me luck.

Oh, and when I'm complaining next week that i'm all alone and will never find a boyfriend, can you e-mail this back to me?





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Xandr
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Re: Dating negative people new
      #44571 - 11/22/02 01:22 PM

I'm 21 and I've been positive for a little over a year. I was nervous at first about dating too. I ended up meeting someone we went on a few dates and hung out alot. Within 2 weeks i could tell something could have came out of the relationship. So next time i talked to him on the phone i said i liked him alot and things were going really well but there is something i have to tell him. So i told him, i assured him that he couldn't get anything from kissing(because i didnt know how educated he was on the subject) and if he wanted to find out more about HIV he can find tons of stuff online. I was really nervous, but everything turned out very good,we have been dating for almost 7 months now. He is negative, he just got his results this week which was alittle stressfull but everything came out well. Although alot of people are ignorant about HIV but there are plenty of people who arent so close minded.
Well good luck with everything.



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Anonymous
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Re: Dating negative people new
      #44855 - 11/24/02 05:01 PM

I find it curious that although you talk about dating...you seem to overlook the possibility of dating someone else who is positive. Whats wrong with LOOKING for a poz guy? I did. We've been together 9 years. None of the neg -poz crap to deal with. It was: "do we want safe sex or not?" So we got right to the basics.



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