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taking a chance on a neg man
#3276 - 04/06/00 03:49 PM
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I'm considering getting involved with an HIV negative man. He's great but I worry that he will run scared after a short time. I'm ready to settle down. Some of the people I know agree with me. Yet I feel ready to take the risk. Anyone that convince me I'm right?
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Go ahead and take that chance. I am positive and my partner is negitive. We just celebrated our 5th anniversery, and have been very happy together. Of course there are precautions that you have to take and my other half gets tested every 6 months. So take that chance...you might be pleasantly suprised.
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I'd say go for it. I've been with a very loving and wonderfully supportive negative man for the past 3 1/2 years, and he's more than I could have ever hoped for. Safe sex is the easy part - just make sure he knows what he's potentially getting regarding meds, physical and psychological side effects, etc.
I think its as much about love, trust and commitment as it is HIV. Its hard to tell from your message whether you're just considering beginning to date, or have advanced to the settling down stage. Just give yourselves plenty of time - my previous negative partner left me six months after I began meds and had a rough time of it; turns out, he thought his potential meal ticket was not going to survive, so he went searching for greener pastures - it wasn't really about HIV at all. Now I'm now feeling great, and my life is much better without him! Good luck!
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This is Jay. Thanks for your postings. I'm beginning to become involved with this neg. guy and I find it so hard to take the risk. I guess I can't figure out why a negative guy would want to be involved with someone positive...I never did when I was negative...(even though the so-called negative person I was involved with infected me...but that's another story...)
So thanks for the input. I'll try to stay hopeful.
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This is Jay. Thanks for your postings. I'm beginning to become involved with this neg. guy and I find it so hard to take the risk. I guess I can't figure out why a negative guy would want to be involved with someone positive...I never did when I was negative...(even though the so-called negative person I was involved with infected me...but that's another story...)
So thanks for the input. I'll try to stay hopeful.
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By now, you have probably made the decision to either become involved or not. In 1993 I began a relationship with someone who was HIV+, and I was and remain HIV -. We had a great relationship, even to the point of having a union service. However, our path together was not long. He died after 3 years, and while our time was short, it was wonderful and life changing. We met while I was in the process of changing careers, and now I am a nurse who works in an HIV clinic. I can not imagine my life if I had not had Thomas in it. He took a chance on me, just the way in which every relationship is a chance, and I believe that in some small way, my work keeps his memory and his legacy alive.
Give him a chance
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I think for all that its worth, if the person you're involved in understands the risk and is willing to love you regardless go for it. If you were negative you would still run the same risk of him leaving for some less important reason than personal illness. I think you your health and well being is predicated on the support systemws you have in your life. I still think that in a way HIV is a true litmus test in determining the commitment of a person in a relationship--in sickness and health that sort of thing. Be happy, there are no gurantees in life, do always what your heart commands you to do.
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Hey,
Well, let me tell you that i am a negative gay man and have been in love withmy partner since day one. He happens to be HIV+ however he is undetectable.
i at this point cant imagine my life without him. The HIV concerns me in so much as i worry about his health even though he is perfectly health, healthier than me it seems, my concerns are for his well being.
I realize that not everyone is as accepting about having a partner with HIV, but i more or less see it as diabetes, something treatable and long term.
All i know is that I have never been happier and I know my partner loves me and is happy.
try giving HIV- guys a shot if you know them and they are seems interested and seem like they generally are caring and have a good heart then trust them enough to tell them.
-A
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Jay,
The one question I have (I am Negative, my partner is Positive), what guarantees does this guy that you won't leave him for somebody else? I'm not saying this to be mean, but just realistic, life is not filled with guarantees, if it was we wouldn't be having this conversation because you and my partner would be sick (have HIV/AIDS). Anyway, we found out a year and a half into the relationship, I have stayed with him because I love him, even though he does piss me off sometimes, (marriage happens ;-) )I love him, at the end of this month we will be together for 12 years. I would never leave him, I do worry that he will leave me because he doesn't want me to see him sick or dying, that proves to me that he loves me, even though it does scare me sometimes...... So take a chance and be honest with him about how you feel, and tell him you want him to be just as honest with his feelings, but you'll know. Good luck.
Love and Light
Tricepmuscle2000
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