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HIV Life >> Gay Men

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Trav
Member

Reged: 07/24/12
Posts: 34
Loc: CA, USA
3 years single, 2 years positive and in 18 months developed AIDS new
      #276863 - 06/25/14 11:08 PM

I'm back on here after being gone for about year. I was single when I tested positive and haven't dated since. One of things I have believed in before even being positive is we have to learn how to be by ourselves before being in a relationship. I know it's difficult being alone or accepting being alone while being positive cause we still want to believe we are wanted and not tainted. Instead of looking for love or a relationship just look for someone who can be there for you and accept you for you. Sometimes it feels like we are standing alone and especially if the disease progresses to AIDS like it did for me back in January of this year your love interest may not want to deal with you cause they see death.We have to breathe life back into our lives before anything else. I know it's not easy but we have to try.

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iam1
Regular

Reged: 06/17/09
Posts: 174
Loc: Georgia
Re: 3 years single, 2 years positive and in 18 months developed AIDS new
      #276967 - 07/03/14 01:21 AM

Been there. Done that. Those words are becoming my cry everyday. Usually with no regrets..

OMG! You've got AIDS! We need to lock you away in a small room on a secluded island to keep you from infecting anybody else.

Is that enough in the dramatics?

I know this is a forum about relationships, and we'll get back to that in a minute.

Let's discuss AIDS. It's a term that has served its purpose and needs desperately to be retired. When HIV was discovered in the '80's they needed a term to distinguish between simply having the virus and being sick as a result of the virus. This term worked until the mid-90's when people who had become deathly ill started taking the ART cocktail and surviving.

As recently as 2005 a report released by the federal government stated that people with AIDS had a life expectancy of 3 to 5 years. I had been diagnosed as AIDS in 1999. The report meant I had died 1 to 3 years earlier. I remember that I didn't feel too bad for someone who had been dead for years. Still don't!

Now that you've been classified as being AIDS you will always be in the reports as another AIDS patient. Never again will you simply be HIV+. No matter how healthy you become. Considering you're posting here discussing relationships I'm going to go out on a limb and guess you aren't going to die this week. Not because of HIV anyway....

Therein lies the problem with only having 2 categories but having millions of people to try to fit those 2 categories. Some people with HIV will have it progress to AIDS and will die soon afterwards. Some people with HIV will have it progress to AIDS and live for 30 or 40 years longer. (That's going to be me, by the way.)

Read this line carefully - NO ONE IS BORN WITH AN EXPIRATION DATE STAMPED ON THE BOTTOM OF THEIR FOOT! That "3 to 5 years" is so wrong on so many levels. Where does the government get off telling people how long they have to live? You'll live until you die.

You want to be in a relationship. You're afraid that anyone who finds out you've been diagnosed as being AIDS will be scared off. Since you HAVE to inform your partner that you have HIV (the law and simply the right thing to do) tell them that. Don't bring up that you've received an AIDS diagnosis. With proper care and treatment it really may not matter too much. It should only matter to your HIV health staff and yourself.

Having advanced HIV (AIDS) can be detrimental to your health. Especially if you've got a low CD4 count and/or a high viral load for an extended period of time. Scientists are still studying HIV and are discovering that having a high viral load can hurt the body in ways they hadn't previously expected. Because the field of study is so new they don't yet know if the effects are in any way reversed by going onto meds and achieving a higher CD4 and lower viral load.

But, when you're out looking for companionship the first things you think about aren't the long-term effects of an elevated viral load. You're thinking you want to be with someone, because that is infinitely preferable to being alone.

You're still fairly new to being HIV+. Go slowly. Search online and through GOOD websites to look for locations/websites that can help you to meet someone else who is either also HIV+ or who is HIV+ friendly. Not everyone who is HIV- is afraid to be with others who are HIV+. When it comes down to intimacy (as it probably will eventually) there are many ways to play safely. You want to play safely with others who are also HIV+.

Bring the subject up at your next clinic visit. There should be someone there (nurse or doctor) who is willing to discuss how you can have safer sex. Ask here if you have questions. Search the forums here. Most of the questions have already been asked and answered.

DON'T BE AFRAID! You are going to be rejected. If you weren't HIV+ you would be rejected. But, you have to persevere. Somewhere out here is the perfect man for you. You just have to keep an open heart and an open mind.

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rezguy47
New User

Reged: 07/29/14
Posts: 2
Re: 3 years single, 2 years positive and in 18 months developed AIDS new
      #277422 - 07/29/14 10:54 PM

I am 47 y/o poz since Feb 2013. I am on meds and have 350 cd4 and undetectable viral load. Lonely as HELL!!!

How did you go from just being poz to having AIDS?

were you on meds? did you stop taking meds?
Am I considered to have AIDS if I am just positive and on meds?

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rezguy47
New User

Reged: 07/29/14
Posts: 2
Re: 3 years single, 2 years positive and in 18 months developed AIDS new
      #277423 - 07/29/14 10:59 PM

Thanks for the info and for the uplifting message.
Where are the "GOOD sites" you speak of?
I would love to spread my wings and see what's out there for me.
I have never been in a "relationship" and I think now is the time...

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crabmanModerator
Veteran

Reged: 03/10/11
Posts: 1272
Re: 3 years single, 2 years positive and in 18 months developed AIDS new
      #277425 - 07/29/14 11:22 PM

An AIDS diagnosis is given if a person has a CD4 count below 200 and/or they present with an AIDS defining illness.



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anotherday
Regular

Reged: 05/15/13
Posts: 488
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Re: 3 years single, 2 years positive and in 18 months developed AIDS new
      #277517 - 08/04/14 11:47 AM

The important thing in forging a relationship or being with others is to accept and understand yourself. If your singing the sad song of "Oh Woe Is Me" ... then that is what your going to attract.

Part of the human experience is knowing that everyone is different in their own way. Trav mentioned the word "tainted" ... a friend mentioned that to me because of his HIV, "oh I'm tainted" ... no your not! It's having something that we have to accept as our own, maybe one of those life's little challenges things. That, that doesn't kill us, makes us stronger! Use HIV to make you stronger, make you a better person, make you see things around you that you never saw before, that you took for granted before!

If it takes HIV to open our eyes, to see, then it has done a great thing for us. If it brings us people who are caring and understanding of our human condition ... then those are the people I want around me. When people shun you because you have HIV, your gay, your black, your female, your Canadian ... then I really don't want to be associated with them ... and it's up to me to go out and find the people that will share and enjoy MY human experience!

--------------------
anotherday ... in paradise!
daily ponder ... be the reason someone smiles today!

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baby28
New User

Reged: 08/01/13
Posts: 3
Loc: kenya
Re: 3 years single, 2 years positive and in 18 months developed AIDS
      #277536 - 08/06/14 04:20 AM

This life is not easy as disrcimation is very high,unless one is pos he/she can understand you best,all the best in meeting your other half.xx

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iam1
Regular

Reged: 06/17/09
Posts: 174
Loc: Georgia
Re: 3 years single, 2 years positive and in 18 months developed AIDS new
      #277843 - 08/26/14 09:50 PM

Sorry to be so long in responding. I get easily distracted and SQUIRREL!!! (Has anyone else seen "Up"?)

The first website that comes to mind is www.poz.com - They're another HIV+ information organization. They have the website and also publish a magazine. You can probably get the magazine at your clinic.

Anyhow, back to the website. Towards the top right there is POZ personals. For gay/straight/other people. Join. Enter enough honest information to make yourself appear attractive to other people. And, wait. Noone ever said it was going to be instantaneous. Browse the other online personals. You might discover your true love just waiting. As nervous as you.

The good thing is everyone there is either HIV+ or HIV friendly. You don't have to worry about anyone "finding out". Chances are it'll probably be the icebreaker that gives the 2 of you something to start the conversation.

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