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Anonymous
Unregistered

telling others you date
      #27634 - 01/30/02 08:28 PM

recently infected I haven't been able to tell. Am 26. Lost my nerve, not my looks. So I just stay away from possible encounters. Getting tired of that. How do you break the news. OR do you?
MM



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: telling others you date new
      #27636 - 01/30/02 09:04 PM

Realize that you are going through an adjustment phase with yourself. Be patient. Learn all you can. Then, discussing the issue with someone will be easier, and you will find a willing person to play with. You will also find that some will not be interested, and those are good to stay away from anyway. By being comfortable and honest, you will be respected and enjoy your encounters more. You may even find those who will not believe you, and, the best bet is to avoid those. You don't know where they've been, and won't be honest with you anyway.



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PozCountryBoy
New User

Reged: 08/17/00
Posts: 13
Loc: Ocala, FL USA
Re: telling others you date new
      #27649 - 01/31/02 11:11 AM

I'm 27 and I was diagnosed almost 5 years ago. I have chosen to tell everyone upfront, but that was my choice. For me it is easier to deal with any type of rejection that may occure before I start to really like the person. Of course being this direct has both it's pro's and con's. All I can say is that it has worked well for me, but it's never easy, and even after all this time I still get choked up when I know that I have to do it. I can totally relate to the advoidance issue though. When someone approaches me I start looking for an excuse, or way out from the beginning, and it sucks!

If you want to talk, I'm here to listen.




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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: telling others you date new
      #27668 - 01/31/02 07:30 PM

Thanks. I guess just speaking it out load is difficult. I'm still shocked. How much time does it take to be able to not get wound up when you talk about it?



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: telling others you date new
      #27690 - 02/01/02 07:10 AM

I think I can understand how you feel. I tested positive in November after getting very, very sick. Even then no one could tell I was sick and I'd get hit on, but there was no interest ever in my part. My best friend, positive for 10 years, is the only one I've told, and he's given lots of good advice. Mainly I limit telling to someone who would be a potential partner in a long term relationship, and I will be safe so there should be no other issues. Sometimes seemingly nice people can turn mean and do evil things with certain information.

Good luck to you!



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: telling others you date new
      #27692 - 02/01/02 10:59 AM

Just a note, in Florida if you do not disclose your status, and your partner finds out you can be charged with attempted murder, and if they do by some chance become infected and die you can be charged with murder. I do not know of any cases but one of my best friends is a state's attorney, and recently informed me of these laws, as did my case worker. Just thought you should know.



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gregg629
Regular

Reged: 04/16/01
Posts: 438
Loc: Boston
Re: telling others you date new
      #27768 - 02/04/02 01:42 PM

This has been something that I have delt with for the last 4 years. I'm 36, live in Boston and totally understand what you say "Lost my nerve, not my looks". I have never had any medical problems, my viral load has been undectable since 6 months after testing positive, I'm in the best health and shape of my life and to look at me there's nothing that would ever make anyone think I was positive.

I have decided to tell before anything sexualy happends. Even after 4 years I still get choaked up when I'm at a club dancing and a very cute younger guy comes my way and starts to dance with me, or starts to hang out with me. I know that if anything is to go further then the dance floor I'm going to have to tell and I also know by experience that most likely they are going to pass or loose interest.

I have had several nights a clubs end with the guy I've been dancing with getting angry that I wasted his time once he finds out that I'm positive, I have also made some pretty kewl friends, tho they don't want to do anything sexual they appreciate the honestly and know that I put their health and safety before "getting off", and there have been a few times where I have just left the guy on the dance floor waiting for me because I have enjoyed myself so much that I didn't want to risk ending the night with "the conversation"

I think that honest is the best answer, tho not the easiest. Being honest can make the nights lonley a lot of times.

I hope that helps.

Gregg

gregg629@aol.com



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Don't tell others you date new
      #27777 - 02/04/02 04:16 PM

Don't tell anyone!! Forget the label and live life without fear and anxiety. Maybe Gregg whatever gets off on having the hiv+ label, its gives him some attention or special status (POZ). But you may find that running around telling people you have been labelled hiv-antibody positive (which by every other virus means protection) will result in negative situations and more grief. These people who tell you the "POZ" life is wonderfull are in denial. Drop the label and live with trust!



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gregg629
Regular

Reged: 04/16/01
Posts: 438
Loc: Boston
Re: Don't tell others you date - TOTAL TRASH new
      #27795 - 02/05/02 10:46 AM

Sounds like it's time to take out the trash.

Ok [censored], don't tell anyone, ever? I guess then people who have genital warts should also not tell How about people who have a non HIV, STD. Should they tell? Oh don’t mind the crabs, I didn’t want to tell you because I might be labeled.

Well I have a label for you. “[censored] irresponsible”.

I don’t get off on the label HIV+, I would rather not have a label other then being labeled a "sweet guy", however I wasn’t give the choice to remain negative or to become HIV infected. My ex BF made that choice for me because he wanted to become positive and he cared more about taking bare dick up his ass and becoming infected then he did about the love that we were supposed to share, as a result of his twisted thoughts regarding HIV I became infected, because I TRUSTED him.

I tell and am up-front because I feel strongly that everyone should have the ability to make the decision if sleeping with someone with HIV is something they want to do or not. It should not be forced on them, nor should they be tricked or lied to just for my sexual pleasure.

I also don’t just go running around and telling people. I only tell when sexual contact is going to come into play. There is no reason why anyone that I meet and go to coffee with, or go out to dinner with, or to a movie with needs to know. Now if after dinner, or the movie if they do the “lets go back to your place and fool around”, then that’s where I tell. I more then respect anyone who has a different level of when to tell. I know that some people have limits to what they will do before they tell. A blowjob is ok, but anal sex is not ok without telling. Condom sex is ok, but bareback is not. We all have to set boundries that we can live with and accept the consiquences of something happends.

I feel sorry for anyone who would trust you enough to sleep with you because with an attitude like yours, there’s no telling what you have crawling around inside of you or what you could pass to someone else.

Go back to your AIDSrc site.

Gregg

Gregg629@aol.com




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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Don't tell others you date - TOTAL TRASH new
      #27811 - 02/06/02 04:06 AM

If rejection on the dance floor is the only thing that you, Gregg, and others in similar position have to deal with, consider yourself very fortunate. Count your blessings. This disease requires a thick skin, among other things. A lot of people can't understand without having the experience of being positive, and they for any number of reasons, do not chose to become involved with someone with HIV, probably a lot because of the social stigma put on it by society as a whole, and within the gay culture. There are many healthy HIV positive people with that same predjudice, so like I said, consider yourself fortunate. And just because someone doesn't respond favorably doesn't mean they are bad, shallow, whatever, it could just mean they are scared. I've seen many HIV - guys make a lot of allowances in their opinions when they meet someone they find out is positive who has anyone or some of the following: 1)big dick, 2)extremely good looking, 3)plenty of money, 4)great personality, 5)young, etc.

Ask yourself this, 'how would I react to someone I was attracted to whom I then found out had a tcell count of 100 or less, had been very sick in the past, was dealing with any of the HIV related issues there are?'

In general, don't jeopardize your health or anyone else's, and if you start to get involved with someone else, consider that they have the right to know.



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: telling others you date new
      #27837 - 02/06/02 04:11 PM

After reading all of these postings, I am going to write from ONE HIV negative perspective. In the past, I have dated men who were positive. Initially, when they have told me this it was quite shocking, and with the first guys I was more scared than anything and did push them away. I have had the other experience too though after I became more comfortable and reminded myself that life is full of risk. In these cases, I have had positive men shut down on me because they could not stand to think of the possibility of infecting someone. I have always appreciated the openness because I realize these guys are putting themselves on the line and show quite a vulnerable side which is something most guys aren't comfortable doing.



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Don't tell others you date - TOTAL TRASH new
      #28087 - 02/10/02 11:41 AM

tough issue. I tell no one and always have safe sex and never anal sex. I once heard that 33 percent of the gay population over 25 is infected. I bet only 5% tell.



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eafire
New User

Reged: 12/01/01
Posts: 10
Re: telling others you date new
      #28145 - 02/12/02 04:48 AM

You know, this board is a real trip -- A FREAKIN TRIP! One thing I've figured out already is that it's BIGGEST PROBLEM is that it allows people to post annonymously. This leads to character assasinations and personal attacks that are ridiculous. It's like trying to have a coherant conversation with school children!

I read a lot of what Gregg post and I can really relate to it, then I read all these annonymous postings putting him down and saying he's apart of some wider problem. WILL GOD PLEASE HAVE MERCY!

I'm 32 years old; HIV+; attractive, articulte, educated, and very sexually active. Tell/Don't Tell? I have to say, when I finally got around to considering having sex again (and hell, there was a time when I was so depressed that Sex was something less than the last thing on my mind) this question came to mind. Now, well, it's pretty much gone.

I live in San Francisco. The Stats tell us that some monumentally high number of men in the city are positive. This truth, coupled with the fact that the majority of the encounters I have are of the "one-night-stand" variety have erased any need for such conversations from the list of details that I disclose. And BOY how that's changed!

When I was in my mid-20's, HIV status was something that was discussed on the first or second date. Now, I can't remember the last time anybody asked and I can honestly say that I haven't been in a sexual situation where I thought the danger to the other was at the point where there was a need. The long and short of what I've learned is that there are a whole lot of men who just don't want to talk about it. Do they want to contract HIV? No, I don't think so -- they just don't want to talk about it. And you know what -- neither do I.

Now dating -- that would be a whole other level for me. But you know what -- the truth is I haven't had a "boyfriend" in years --- I mean years. And that had NOTHING to do with my HIV status. I suspect the next B/F I have will be positive. Not because that's what I am looking for, but honestly, that's a lot of what I meet. I'd never lie about being positive to anyone, still NOBODY ASKS!

eacd4@aol.com



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: telling others you date new
      #28275 - 02/13/02 07:17 PM

Thank you for a frank posting! I live in New York and agree totally with you. Don't Ask, Don't Tell is everyone's motto.



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Anonymous
Unregistered

Re: Don't tell others you date - TOTAL TRASH new
      #30229 - 03/20/02 01:42 PM

You liar so many men have condomless anal sex and say they don't. GET REAL!



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