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newlypozandangry
Newbie

Reged: 03/28/14
Posts: 2
Needing advice new
      #275815 - 03/29/14 08:41 AM

I just got my positive results on Wednesday. I have an appointment to see a Doctor and a case worker to guide me in the right direction but still feel like I'm lost. I'm scared and angry and just want to get on with my life. I know I can live a full healthy life with HIV and I know feeling this way is normal, I also know I need to forgive myself as well as the person who infected me but how does one do that when they are full of hate and anger

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anotherday
Moderator

Reged: 05/15/13
Posts: 447
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Re: Needing advice new
      #275816 - 03/29/14 10:47 AM

Everyone will jump on here and tell you the initial hurt and anger is normal and you are allowed to go through those emotions in the early stages ... but don't let it take over your life.

When you look at HIV in the big picture of how it is transmitted, it's really throwing a dart aiming for the bull's-eye.
We live our lives with chance and well the chance catches up with some of us, no need to beat ourselves over it. It is our responsibility to protect our bodies, so if it's unprotected sexual activity or sharing drug needles, we invite the chance in. It's as much our own "fault" as the person who transmitted it to us. The key now is to step up to the plate, accept it and get on with living.

The lost feeling will go away once you come to the realization that your the same person you were before the doctor said "your test came back positive for HIV". Just now you have something to be responsible for, and I think that is the biggest fear most carry along with them ... worried how to disclose and who to disclose to, the doctors appointments, taking meds. Take the time to reschedule your life, educate yourself on HIV and how to live with it, and move forward!

Seeing the doctor and case worker is a great first step, going to an HIV support center in your area is another great support. Just don't sit around and "beat yourself up" over it, it's not worth it, you have a life to live ... just that you have something coming along for the ride now!

It all comes down to that mirror (that I like to recommend to so many people), look at that person in there each morning and just ask "what direction are you going today" ... and I know the answer for both of you will be "forward"!

Stay strong, stay happy and smile!


--------------------
anotherday ... in paradise!
daily ponder ... be the reason someone smiles today!

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newlypozandangry
Newbie

Reged: 03/28/14
Posts: 2
Re: Needing advice new
      #275825 - 03/29/14 06:00 PM

Thank you for taking the time to respond and for your advice.

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riverprincessModerator
Moderator

Reged: 12/25/11
Posts: 1738
Loc: Jersey Shore
Re: Needing advice new
      #275828 - 03/30/14 11:20 AM

Hey another day, I couldn't of said it any better .

--------------------
Look up to the Heavens for the answers to Lifes questions .

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anotherday
Moderator

Reged: 05/15/13
Posts: 447
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Re: Needing advice
      #275832 - 03/30/14 12:46 PM

Aww river, thanks, make me blush!

--------------------
anotherday ... in paradise!
daily ponder ... be the reason someone smiles today!

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DJones
All Star

Reged: 04/02/09
Posts: 84
Loc: Milwaukee Wisconsin
Re: Needing advice new
      #275854 - 04/01/14 07:54 PM

I started a Blog the day I found out I had AIDS, January 7, 2009. The link is below. I post regularly and honestly. You can go back to that day and read forward what life was like. You can contact me through my blog if you want to talk.
Dave

--------------------
http://daveslifelivingwithhiv.blogspot.com/

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iam1
Fanatic

Reged: 06/17/09
Posts: 164
Loc: Georgia
Re: Needing advice new
      #275867 - 04/02/14 02:33 PM

At least you realize what you need to do. Always much easier than actually doing it.

Simple answer - you may never get over the anger. Not everyone does. The thing is the majority of us learn to deal with anger in ways other than going postal or shooting the person who cuts us off driving down the road. That is what you need to do.

Being angry is natural. Everyone is going to be angry about something. Getting through the anger takes some effort. But, I think the more you work at finding ways to deal with your anger the more you'll realize that you don't have to be angry.

Confront your anger. Find out why you're angry and deal with each part of it. It's not one, big anger issue. You mentioned at least 3 issues you need to deal with (in no particular order) -

1) The person who infected you. Try to do this without artillery. But, with a third person in the room to moderate.

2) You're scared. Despite knowing that having HIV isn't a death sentence you hold in the back of your mind the stories that have been shoved at us for many years that it is. Educated yourself. The more you know about HIV the less it will scare you.

3) Yourself. This is the BIGGIE!!! Most people go through life blaming themselves for one thing or another. Tying back into the "HIV death sentence" mentality you're probably kicking yourself for not doing more to protect yourself. Let me be the first to tell you - STOP! You can have all the shouldabeens or couldbes you want, but the reality of life is you're alive now and need to live as stress free as possible to live as long as possible. Until that time machine is created and tickets are sold cheaply there's no changing what was. NEWS FLASH - You aren't perfect. You weren't perfect yesterday. You won't be perfect tomorrow. You are going to continue to make mistakes in life. it's called "growing up". Most of us do it forever. The thing is to learn and not keep making the same mistake over and over.

Now, get out there and enjoy the sun! (If it's raining where you are you might want to wait a day or two....)

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PozInAmarillo
Member

Reged: 07/29/14
Posts: 62
Loc: Texas
Re: Needing advice new
      #277433 - 07/30/14 02:14 PM

You got a lot of great advice from these guys. I just want to point out one thing when it comes to dealing with anger at the person you contracted the virus from. Be very careful. Maybe you know for sure who it is. I didnt. I still dont. If you do know who the person is are you certain he knows he is positive? You might very well be dropping the same bomb on him that was dropped on you. Your anger might need to be tempered with some compassion.

--------------------
Nobody can give you HIV. You have to take it.

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